Dragon! [Working Title - WIP]


#1

Notes:

  • Dragon! is a working title. I’m bad at titles and I’m picky, but I’ll change it if I get a new one.
  • This is only the first chapter.
  • I’m writing this for Nanowrimo. That means that my diction & grammar are crap. No, I will not fix it until I feel like it/until or if I finish it. (I’ll take notes and will change it once November is over though).
  • Coding would probably be wrong in some places too, but I do test it here and there, although not as much as usual. Hopefully, it’s not, but please bring it up if it is wrong!

Story plot notes:

  • There are supposed to be four elements that you can choose from. The ones I have so far are fire, ice, and lightning. I do not want to use wind/earth and I’m contemplating water. If you have any suggestions though, feel free! (However, I am very picky so please don’t feel bad if I say no to your suggestion).
  • I don’t know if there are any awkward parts, but I feel like the part where I ask for the sexuality might be. Any thoughts?
  • I am also not sure if the story is starting too slowly or not.

Other notes:

  • If you have any other thoughts, then please post them up! I have zero clue with how this will go and I don’t have a plotline I’m following, just an overall setting of the world itself.
  • Anything you might want to see? Please post them up as well!

I can’t think of anything else to put in, so I’ll add them later. I have, so far, only the first chapter.

Up until then, the branches that you can find are if:

  • You do not ask the apprentice healer for his/her name.
  • The element you choose.
  • Whether or not you destroy the village.

Everything else is pretty linear so far, sorry!

Demo: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/34991116/dragon!/web/mygame/index.html

Enjoy!

Now for me to relax a bit until tomorrow :stuck_out_tongue:


#2

give yourself some credit even tough its linear its has an interesing story which is always good

cant wait to play the full game :smiley:


#3

I like it a lot so far. No, I don’t really think it is awkward when you asked for the sexuality. The grammar wasn’t really that bad either. There were a few mistakes here and there, but nothing that impedes on immersion. I think it starts at a good pace, seeing how this is the introduction. I think it would be fine to take suggestions for the plot, but that you should come up with the majority of it yourself. I notice that I get a better end product when I do because, as an an author, I’m able to immerse myself into the story better when it is just how I want it. But that’s just me and I’m not exactly the most experienced either so… yeah.

A couple elements I think would be good are water and a supersonic type roar type thing where the sound waves are concentrated so it only affects what you aim at. Sort of like fire: you can feel the heat when near it, but only get burned when you touch it.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing how it unfolds!


#4

Well this is really good its well written and i like the story

Maby a posion dragon or something in that direction


#5

@djma46 & @PORT3R thank you guys, that means a lot to me! Though, one of my friends recommended poison and I’m still contemplating it. I’m unsure on how that will happen, though, but we’ll see.

@Dark_Bear2899 Thank you! And good to see that you don’t think it’s awkward xD Okay, when I say ‘zero clue’, I meant fifty perfect. I kind of know but I’m still tossing ideas around, and so if someone gave me a genius idea, then yeah! Again, this is impromptu, so I still have things I need to erase & add.

I’m leaning towards water but one reason I’m against it is because ice & water are closely related and supersonic is hard to fiddle around with. We’ll see, but thank you for your suggestions though!

Okay, I just figured out what else to say for notes, so continuing on:

  • You can die in the first chapter. Completely forgot to mention that xD
  • I copied & pasted the stat chart from Devil’s Way, and I only tinkered with a few lines. This is not the final stat chart, as I plan on categorizing it into multiple pages, just as a note to myself here too.
  • OOPS. My brother just pointed out that the name Alex is also a choice that the player can take as a first name xD Changed the option to George now, just because I’d be too lazy to change all the Alex’s throughout startup.

#6

Sounds cool, I’ll check out the demo now.

A few ideas on elements:

I’ve always thought of ice, water and water vapour/mist/fog or whatever, as aspects of the same element, if your system works differently though, water might work. You could also have a kind of subelement. For example, you have the elements as fire, water and lightning, and then if someone chooses water, they get asked whether they have more of an afinity for the cold solid state (or just ice, it depends on the way you want to present the aspect thing), the fluid, everchanging liquid state (water), or the warm, cloaking, gas (water vapour, though mist or cloud might sound better).

I’m curious about why you don’t want to use earth? Different people seem to have slightly different ideas on what earth is. Some say it’s dirt and plants, others say it’s mud… My version of earth is anything made from stone or metal. This includes things like glass (which, I believe is just like sand which has been melted and then shaped and left to set) and lava/magma. So if it’s the plants you object to, you could always go with that interpretation. If it’s the stone, metal and dirt you object to, then you could go with plant or forest as an element.

Mind and spirit are interesting, but I doubt they’re the kind of elements you’re looking for. Blood could be an interesting one too, depending on how you use it, and unlike mind and spirit, is physical.

You could also use darkness/shadow or light. Maybe even just one aspect of light, like moonlight or sunlight (technically, they’re the same thing, but in fantasy the destinction can be useful).

Sorry for such a long post, but I use elements a lot in my fiction. I’ll be interested to know how this story progresses.


#7

I’ve just played through the demo. It seems like it could lead to a good story. How come you get a choice about the colour of the pendant? It doesn’t seem like it’s linked to which element you can choose, as there are more choices for colour than there are elements and you can even choose your colour.


#8

Wow I’m really in to this game! Though it’s currently still up to chapter 1, I have a good feeling about this, and I just know that it will go a long way if you continue on with it :> I think it’s fun and well-written. Keep up the good work! Can’t wait to see what’s gonna happen next. :slight_smile:


#9

@haqeirah They all sound like very interesting elements that I will play around with, and if I don’t use them, then I will really just put them into the list of minor magic. I also categorize water & ice as the same thing, which is why I’m ‘eh’ towards it. I’m also currently having a hard time implementing water in the first chapter though, and it’s harder to kill someone using water as you have to drown them while fire & hail & lightning is pretty quick, so there’s a considerable disadvantage.

I don’t want to use earth because I originally thought it would just end up as vines and the like, which I didn’t want to have the dragons do as a main element :stuck_out_tongue: But when you mentioned metal/stone/etc., I instantly thought of fire-less fireballs… Yeah. So… On to the drawing board for that one xD

Mind, Spirit, Darkness & Light are all which would probably turn into minor magic, but more used by mages than dragons, I think. And it’s alright, you gave me a lot of suggestions that’ll definitely help me out, thanks!

The color of the pendant determines the color of your character’s scales while they’re in dragon form. It’s not mentioned in the first chapter because I don’t know where to fit it in yet (and I should have clarified it, apologies) but that’s pretty much it. The color of the dragon scales/pendant has no relationship with the element whatsoever, so yeah, purely aesthetic. Thank you for your suggestions! :smiley:

@choiceofkylen Thank you!

I’ve also replaced Stamina with Speed, and have added in a scene which determines the stat (it’s immediately after saving the little sister in the burning house). Have also edited a few things here and there because I don’t feel like writing anymore at the moment.


#10

i truuuly cant wait to play the game! :slight_smile:

You said that mind, spirit darkness is more to mages but i had a thought, what if dragons actually were the first to use magic before humans started becoming adept in it? Or maybe dragons had shared their knowledge to the humans? –

Just my opinion, when i think dragons, i always seem to see them as wiser then humans with certain amount of disdain, you know, the whole “Youre so insignificant unworthy of my attention” sort of thing :slight_smile:

Anywho, before over enthusiasm takes over, I really cant wait to read more!


#11

Really enjoyable so far! Looking forward to the finished product!


#12

Dragons and humans have a different relationship altogether in my story’s world, really. The dragons merely think of humans as toys and usually flick them off, and they don’t care if a human being dies or something like that. However, dragons are highly loyal to their own kind and if a human being manages to kill a dragon, then the other dragons will go “OMG HE CAN’T DO THAT” and will lose their s***. It doesn’t mean that all dragons are evil; they’re not, but their views on humanity is just highly twisted by the things that the elders tell the hatchlings, so no, they will never share their knowledge with humans xD except for those rare ones who can see through the propaganda, but even then, it’s a whole lot harder because of communication problems which I won’t elaborate for now because this is turning into a long post.

Humans, on the other hand, resent dragons from the very start because of their destructive nature towards humanity. They hate anything related to dragons and many people have bravely sacrificed their lives to kill one, but so far, the dragons have always outmatched the humans. However, humanity is getting progressively better and better, which increases tensions between the two species more than ever during the time period that the game is set in.

Not all men can use magic, though. The majority believes that magic is extinct because they never see any man using it and they don’t truly understand what magic is and the forms it take. There are mages, however, that learn to use magic in secret. The earliest mages learn from observing dragons and their usage of magic, where they then pass on to their descendants, so yeah, dragons are the first ones to use magic. Mages and dragons are in a bigger rivalry as dragons fear mages more because of their ability to use magic, but their fights are hidden from public view instead.

When I said that mind, spirit, darkness & light are more used by mages than dragons is because mages usually utilize a sneakier & quieter approach while dragons utilize a louder & more destructive approach. Mages understand that they cannot win through raw power because they are at a disadvantage, and so makes sure that they win through intelligence instead. The two sides are still at a stalemate right now, however.

Anyways, end rant, and I hope that long post answers your question @Xhandas_Antonidas, and thank you!

@Warpshade Thank you, I hope I can finish it though, but thank you! xD


#13

With the Mages learning magic from watching dragon it reminds me of the dragon slayers from fairy tail especially with the talk of fire iron poison and lightning elements


#14

Nice game like how it’s different and unique

Shame it finished quiet soon

Carnt wait for an update


#15

For the fourth element; I think poision would be distinct and powerful element.


#16

I played and it was fun. I’d provide more comments but I’m working on my own game and trying not to be distracted.

Earth: Earthquakes. Boulders. Turning the ground into pudding. Have you ever walked in high winds that have blown grit into your face? Sandpaper blasts of dirt aren’t to be laughed at. Nor is being able to quickly build barriers.

Air: I’d likely mix in air with poison. Being able to blast air isn’t too bad, although it could lead to farting jokes. :stuck_out_tongue: Or jokes about wind. It’s better for knocking things over. If you mix it with poison though, or being able to steal away oxygen, it suddenly becomes a bit more useful for more than just huffing and puffing and blowing houses down. It could be like tornado-breath too.

Water: If you’re going for destructive breath weapons acid may be the better bet, having it eat through anything it lands on. That makes it similar to the destructive properties of the other breath weapons. Water itself can do powerful blasts, with the added benefit of drowning. But I can see that it is awfully similar to frost, which is more fun/destructive.


#17

I really like it! Like, really really really like it! I absolutely love the prospect of being able to shift into dragon form and I hope you add a scene where some ‘tough guys’ try and ‘bully the dragon’. It’s always a fun scenario to have the normal boy/girl they were picking on turn into a fearsome dragon as they run away crying. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’d write more but it’d just be rambling so I’ll cut it short. I’m really looking forward to reading more! :smiley:


#18

I’m glad you found my suggestions useful. The scale colour thing is cool. I don’t think you need to explain what it does in the story, but if you can have a way to see yourself, like maybe a description on the stats screen, then that would be good.

What if all dragons can use spirit and mind, but they don’t bother to use them on meer humans?

I see what you mean about the water, but if you went with the aspect idea, then water dragons could be particularly strong with one aspect but able to use all of them. Tsunamis are quite destructive, the water can be dried up by turning it into a fog, and you could always use sheets of ice, and icycle spears instead.

Earth is a better fourth element if you want to keep more strictly to the traditional idea of elements. Poison and acid could work well as the breath attack, but if you want the dragon’s element to mean more than just what they can breathe out, then it might be a bit more difficult. It would be great if you could give a bit more information on dragons in this world.

I’m intrigued by how the pendant works, who those people were, why the dragon was there and whether there is a link between it and those strange people, why they tried to kill you and what side they’re on (asuming that there are sides?).

Are you still having trouble with plot? If so, I’d be happy to help if you’d give a bit more information about what you’ve already got.


#19

Me to


#20

I would love to help you with the plot

How about the people who
Attacked you disappear and try to take over the world but you have to find them
And stop them