Rule the skies, land, water, and join the ranks as one of Abauruth’s illustrious dragon
racers. Uncover the truth about your past and lineage as well as unveil the mystery
behind certain legends, legends that could prove vital to the future of Abauruth. Race
against some of the most famous racers in multiple events and soar your way into first
place and be forever remembered as a Champion Racer.
Will you be the one spectators love to a fault or the one they love to hate? Will you
be known as the underdog who most are weary to bet upon or the name that always seem
to have the most coin beside it? Will you come out as a deceitful soloist or a team
player with integrity or neither?
No, there is no option to change the gender of your dragon, he is automatically a male because of story purposes.
There are parts in the story where if you go down a certain path, you will end the game early and have to restart.
Author’s Note
Definitely point out any grammar mistakes you find. It’s always appreciated. Specifically where I go into a different verb tense or areas that read weird, I try to find them on my own but I can only do so much.
Feedback is definitely appreciated with thoughts on the game, ways to improve, areas that you were confused about, etc.
The title might be changed, I’m still thinking about it.
Thank you all beforehand for your interest.
Updates
4/15/16: Tweaks to Stat pages, dragon personalities. Added choices to shape personality. Save feature now. 94,000 + words.
3/10/16: Six chapters are up in all with no clue about the entire word count at the moment.
2/21/16: Two chapters are up with 15,000+ words in all at the moment.
5/13/16: 120k + words and 10 chapters up in all
1/27/17: Inventory system added, some layout additions, some more dragon choices and other choices in general. Some other things have been added as well and another update is soon to come.
1/29/17: Added another chapter to add to the demo where you meet Allison and Duncan, as well as pick your class.
2/04/17: Updated with altered prologue, two choice areas have been added.
5/09/17: Currently on hold so that I can catch up on other writings.
I’m interested in this WiP and will be keeping an eye on it. More detailed feedback will be edited in later
Edit:
1st The background information and the introductory information seems very muddled together - I think if you do a re-write, separating the two would allow the story continuity and rhythm to come out and sparkle.
2nd: I chose the black dragon because the “win at any cost” attitude seems to be an important edge for competition - I was dismayed to find that it also meant I was 80% evil. I’m not sure I like this.
3rd: Your descriptions of the dragons were great in detail, yet they were very hard to read as choices. Perhaps restructure the descriptions to be separate from the choices would make it easier for people. I had to read exh description several times to make sure I understood them.
4th: the background childhood scene takes an abrupt jump to 19 at the fort. This could be fleshed out quite a bit and it would allow the player/reader to form a better bond with their MC - just a thought.
I am excited to see this go forward and I think it has a lot of potential. Keep up the food work.
On the stats screen, one of the stats is dragon_bond and another racer_level, and I was wondering if you wanted the underscores there.
And Dragon Name vs DName.
This game looks good so far. I didn’t see any grammar mistakes, its just kind of unpolished. I’m sure you’re more focused on righting the story and you’ll go back and touch it up, I just wanted to let you know. I think the idea is really cool, although i really hope you are planning on adding some battles in their, that would be awesome. The title is good too, it immediately caught my attention. Good luck!
I just mean that its obvious you haven’t edited it or really tried to make it sound the best you can. Don’t get me wrong, its good so far, its just what id expect for a WIP
This game was great! I’m so glad someone else is doing a dragon game again! And yours was really well done! Your writing was great, and this will definitely turn into an amazing story!
Caught this after “practice your magic”; It was a shame that no one in the village actually possessed the ability, but that never stopped you. It’s been awhile since you’ve had the chance to flex your ability in magic. It even more helpful to know that the races allowed those with the ability, to use it.
Should be “It was even” or something similar. Should also get rid of the apostrophe after ability. Pew Pew Die Error!
The game has been updated and if anyone can help me with these two questions, it would be most appreciated.
Alright so I seriously need to invest in a save feature and I already checked out the save feature page, only thing is the one part I need is an image and the image isn’t showing up. If you know where to put the code for the save then that’ll be incredibly helpful.
Capitalizing pronouns . . . yea I have no clue but I’m stuck. I have the code and understand it {he} and it'll translate over to she or whatever depening on gender. But how do you capitalize that bad boy at the start of sentences, I would put {He} and it will remain lowercase.
I don’t think it works that way. For ChoiceScript you have to add an exclamation mark between the dollar sign and the first bracket to capitalize the first letter, so like this: $!{he}
Absolutely love the updates you added, this is definitely one of my favorite stories now, hands down. I love the dragons and the characters, and can’t wait to see what else you have in store
