Donor: A Vampire Victim's Tale [GAME RELEASED!]

Aww thank you so much :blush:

You bet I want feedback! After chapter 11 is complete, I’ve got a HUGE polish/revision list that I need to go through before submitting the game. So please please please let me know if there’s anything wonky in the earlier chapters - I’ll add it to the list.

Thank you for taking the time to read it!

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Lol I’m glad you enjoyed it. Rich is quite fond of Lenore after she (willingly or otherwise) colludes with him to murder Charles.

So it isn’t a hard and fast rule, but Richard prefers female donors because he thinks they’re “less trouble.” Men, especially if they’re roughly the same size as Richard, are more likely to put up a fight. Little does he know…

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Hey! I loooooove this game. It is so well written, it feels like a movie. :heart: The premise is unique and the characters are flawed but charismatic…it’s just so good!

After months of multiple readthoughs & endings, I do have a question about 1 section though, that seems to be boggling my mind…The KILL CHARLES WITH RICHARD plotline. In my last few plays, I had a fairly honest and sarcastic MC. I got my Paul friendship up to over 90%. I told Rich I wouldnt help him kill Charles repeatedly, but he takes the Xanax anyway. When I try to lie about only needing 10, he sees through it and tries anyway. Paul finds out, gets pissed. Rich and I both tell him that I wasnt really involved (atleast by choice) and even gain MORE Paul favor at this point, so it’s still incredibly high. But then he still leaves w Charles and cuts off the friendship immediately. This doesnt make sense to me…should I have been less honest? The times that I helped kill Charles (most of my plays…F that dude! ;p) even when we succeed without him knowing what happened and my Paul relationship is high, he still ends the friendship (unless I try to turn)…I am not sure where I am going wrong. I know we dont get romantic endings by any means, just trying to find a happier Paul ending. (I have really enjoyed all of the endings I have found so far…I am just a damned completionist) any help is appreciated!

Cheers!

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@Jender Thank you so much :heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart_eyes:

THANK YOU for this amazing, detailed feedback. :pray:

So, as you’re noticing, I wasn’t quite sure how to treat that middle ground where you acted as an unwilling accomplice in chapter 9. I felt there should be some reward with Paul for objecting to the plan, but I really did want to make the “sabotage” path difficult to obtain since it’s one of the steps required for the Certifiable Badass achievement. And to compromise, I gave your relationship with Paul a boost but left him upset with you anyway (because he is going to be somewhat angry that you participated/knew, especially after Richard interjects on your behalf).

Here’s the upshot, though: Paul isn’t still mad at you. He and Richard are on the outs, however, meaning that he doesn’t really have access to you at the beginning of chapter 10. I could probably make this a lot clearer, however.

Paul isn’t ending the friendship; he just needs some space/time to mourn. I could make that clearer in the text as well.

Unfortunately (for your MC), no matter what you do, you’ll start chapter 10 in a dry-streak with Paul, but for different reasons, depending on the decisions you made in chapter 9. Mostly because chapter 9 already has three distinct branches (with tons of sub-branches) and I don’t think I could handle any more :wink:

Your relationship with Paul isn’t ruined, btw! There’s still the BFF ending, and I promise there’s a reconciliation where he apologizes for his behavior in the next chapter.

I’ll push out an update this weekend that will hopefully make Paul’s motivations clearer for both of the above scenarios.

Thank you so much again for reading and taking the time to help me improve the story. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate it! :hugs:

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@Elena_H
Oh my gosh, you just totally made my day! :heart: Thanks for the lovely reply!!!

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Small update:

  • various tweaks/bug fixes to chapter 10, and mini-game with Charles now sets all modifiers to 0 after three tries)
  • “unwilling participant” path updated to include a slightly different ending in chapter 9 (and I mean slightly), and slightly different intro to chapter 10, along with slightly different exchange between the MC and Richard around groceries/Paul. This path is also now available through the “Model Prisoner” quickstart configuration.
  • “killed Charles” path updated to include a slightly different ending in chapter 9 (I’ve reworded it to make it clearer that Paul’s been withdrawn since Charles’s death). Slight change to the groceries/Paul conversation with Richard in chapter 10.
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We can kill them all?

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You sure can :smiling_imp:

I’ll include step-by-step instructions on how to do that when I release Chapter 11 (the final chapter).

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Finally, DIY hacks on how to kill a vampire.

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Yes!
This feels like a win ending. I love the endings where I can be Richard’s or Paul’s BFF, but being able to make them regret imprisoning me is going to be even more fabulous.

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:smiley: I kinda like to think there are two ways to “win” the game.

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Your profile pic is just constantly evolving.

I’m scared for what’s next.

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:joy: I don’t think I could possibly top this one

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ALRIGHT TIME TO TALK TURKEY

so obviously i’ve been in the comments since chapter 10 released and been talking about things, but i haven’t actually jot down my thoughts about chapter 10 because…i only finished it the day before yesterday :sweat_smile:

In my defense that was because i felt the need to replay the entire game to refresh myself on feels and characters (it reminded me how much i love some and despite others, looking at you charlie boy) But finally I have finished re-reading and doing the new chapter

I even gave Charlie the benefit of the doubt and grabbed his ending

AND LETS JUST TALK ABOUT CHARLIE FOR A SEC

My dislike for charlie is no secret, i kinda think he’s a whiney brat who, while trapped in a different way than lenore, is still kinda just…not sympathetic. He knows the vamps are specifically targetting his girlfriends and yet keeps getting them, and then feels justified whining about it? Sorry no, it don’t work like that.

But he had an ending and I can’t call myself a fan of this game if I didn’t get it.

Somehow somehow you actually made me feel attatchment and sympathy for him. As the difference between the minigame visit and the ally visit is huge, and the way charlie just seems so damn genuinely concerned about poor malnourished lenore got me.

And any man who buys me a truckers buffet can’t be all bad in my books! not sure how i feel about becoming a hunter tho, charles, pls, can we not?

Now back to the ‘non endings’ sort of, aka the ‘pro vampire’ endings where i told charlie to go screw himself.

As is common knowledge, match made in heaven/stockholm forever holds a special place in my heart because damn if a secret part of me don’t long for my favorite psycho vampire. I also found it adorable that even if i don’t make a deal to kill charlie in earlier chapters I can still BASICALLY get what I would have otherwise.

Does that come with shopping excursions tho rich, cuz ur gonna have to do better than burger king :wink:

Also I accidentally gave richard an empathy lesson when I was messing around and ran out the door with silver on me whoops! :flushed:

Also last thing is either, a choice not being worded right, or just a path not being set up but gonna put it in spoilers to be safe!

when lenore is grinding the watch/bracelet into powder, there’s an option to dispose of the evidence. I assumed this meant, flush the silver down the toilet and forget I ever messed with it, so being a pro vamp nerd, I chose it. But come the fateful evening, I still had it[/spoiler] So yeah, not sure if it was just a misunderstanding on my part, or if there’s just not a route yet for [spoiler]completely submitting to stockholm and not fighting mah boi

Anyways, great game, and i’m pumped for the finale and seeing how the remaining threads (like reconciling with paul who had the sense to buy me POPTARTS) tie up! <3

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oh jesus i just posted this and it’s so long and i’m so so sorry you’ll have to read this @Elena_H :joy:

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Played through the game a couple of times. Managed to eff Charles on my first playthrough (sorry, Charles!). The mini-games are a nice addition :hugs: Beating Paul at Black Jack is surprisingly satisfying.

Comments
  1. When throwing silver powder at both Charles and Rich, why is Charles more affected than Rich? Did he inhale more silver? Or is it because he is freshly turned?

  2. If Charles managed to kill Rich, would he go for Paul next? How would Paul react upon learning that Charles killed Rich?

  3. Why are pieces of Xanax visible in Charles’ vomit? Wouldn’t the powder dissolve beforehand either in his stomach, blood or vomit acid?

  4. Who is the strongest vampire of the three?

  5. What happened to the Paul’s and Rich’s successful third attempt of turning a human into a vampire?

Paul and Richard exchange a knowing eyeful.`

Is eyeful the correct word to use?

The last time we tried to give someone something for the fever, they died a couple hours later. I don’t want to try it again."`

could also be “risk it” instead of try it again? So the word doesn’t repeat :slight_smile:

I think the told her that if she didn’t roll up her sleeves, he’d put the cigarette out on her face.`

he

Does that sound about right to you? That sounds like something Rich would say, don’t it?

Maybe you could consider revising the two sentences though, because of the semi repetition
Eg.: “Does that sound about right to you? Like something Rich would say, yeah?”

eight more, now, and then you get another turn.”

Eight

I been thinking of ten this whole time.”

I’ve been? Can’t tell, if this is because of Charles’ manner of speaking, but decided to point it out anyways.

“Which one?” he seethes. Do you have any idea how many of my girlfriends you’ve killed over the years? I’ve given them all to you. You’ve gotten everyone. You’ve made me watch!"

He?
“Do you have any idea …”

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It’s my pleasure to read it! Lol just gimme a minute… Catching up…

Oh good! I really wanted to present another side of Charles for readers willing to get to know the character :smiley:

So the “A Place of Her Own” ending is still TBD, but the MC has a lot more freedom in that epilogue. So much so that I’m having trouble coming up with an interesting conflict to explore. Meh, I’ll figure it out eventually…

To answer your original question, though: I’d say Rich eases up on his credit card rule in this ending and allows the MC to order her own groceries (in addition to hooking her up with some pretty swank digs on the third floor).

I’ve been meaning to rephrase that option so that it feels less like an accident. Thanks for the reminder! The eye grows back, btw.

This is great feedback!

So in chapter 10, you’ve got the option of leaving the silver alone (not fighting your boi) or grinding it into powder. Then if you choose to grind it into powder, there isn’t enough space in the container to hold it all, so you have to decide what to do with the excess: flush, cover yourself, or drink it. Flushing the excess would only get rid of what doesn’t fit in the Xanax bottle, but I’ll go back over to make sure the wording is clear, and I’ll also add an option to let you flush the excess + container and forget the whole thing.

And I’m pumped to write the finale :yum: This has been so much fun so far, I can’t even tell you. Thanks so much again for sharing your thoughts on this chapter :hugs:

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@kirakana thank you thank you for this amazing feedback!

I think I’m going with the explanation that Charles has always been slightly asthmatic, which Paul will explain in Chapter 11.

Oooh to find out the answer to these questions, check out the “Destination Unknown” epilogue via the stats screen. In short, however: Paul isn’t upset, and - yes - it’s likely that Charles would go after Paul (but I think he’d have a lot of trouble going through with killing him)

Richard didn’t do a phenomenal job crushing up the Xanax (he kinda sucks at murder), and Charles didn’t keep the liquid down long enough for it to dissolve.

Richard is probably the most physically imposing of the three.

I like to think she branched out on her own after a few years and doesn’t keep in touch. :wink:

Lol I think it is? Eyeful can be a synonym for gaze.

I like this suggestion, but I need to give it some thought. While I try not to repeat words in my writing (and I can get a little obsessive about this), the one exception I make is for dialogue because people tend to reuse words a lot during normal conversation. And I want there to be a clean, clear line between what I sound like and what my characters sound like, if that makes any sense.

Meh, I’ll probably end up changing it. If it was distracting enough for you to make note of, it’s likely distracting to other readers.

GREAT CATCH! THANK YOU!

This is another one I need to chew on. Personal taste, but I like dialogue to be a little repetitive in certain places :stuck_out_tongue:

OMG you’re a lifesaver…

Yeah this is Charlie’s dialect coming through. I’ve got a lot of family in Texas…

The lowercase “he” was intentional, but I was definitely missing the quotation mark before “Do”. Such a great catch!

@kirakana you are the freakin bomb! Thank you so much for your suggestions - I’ll probably end up using all of them

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