Demon: Recollect (WIP) |September 2| (Conqueror path update)

I have one word for my reaction. Yes!!!

I should probably read th story before I ask this question…but since it sounds like we’re technically the oldest mutant alive shouldn’t we be OP af ?:slight_smile:

Question: This is picky but when we’re escaping from the facility the shadow guy points to the van and we say its only a few feet away…why does it take us a few minutes to travel a few feet?

I like the story though…can’t wait for more!.

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Is MC OP af?.
We’ll see

I probably should’ve clarified that. Thanks for pointing out the van thing

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Looks good man

This is great, original, interesting and just badass I look forward to seeing what you come up with

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I like the setup so far, but you might want to emphasize the protagonist’s fish-out-of-water status a bit more. As it is he’s frozen 600 years ago (arguably more Renaissance than Medieval, but the latter is a vague enough term that you can get away with a lot) and the last thing he saw was his best friend betray him and murder his sister/wife… then he wakes up, is completely unphased by electricity and automobiles and a dozen other things, and promptly starts hitting on the nearest cute redhead.

A few more indications that he’s really, really, out of place, or at least a few lines to explain why he’s adjusting so well, would go a long way towards completing the tone you’ve established so far.

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Was the MC the first mutant?

I totally enjoyed the demo and I look forward to more. I do have some thoughts on it that I will offer up - food for thought, if you will.

  • the mc seemed to be totally unphased by the transition from medieval to modern times, not saying they wouldn’t adapt quickly but, they wouldn’t know what a van is, for example
  • I hope that there are more options to “build” yourself essentially, appearance-wise at least but it would also be neat to be able to have a choice of powers to select from
    -also, as one of the first mutants, the classes would be meaningless to the mc, so hopefully you can open up dialogue to ask more questions about modern language and technology
    -there are grammar and spelling issues that you will probably want to go over in later drafts

Have fun with this! This seems like it could be an amazing IF once it all gets fleshed out. Look forward to the next update.

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You could fix everything by saying: the telepath tells me as soon as I wake up.
XD
Now the MC would have all the basic information of the world and I think that in a WIP scene he explains it, or maybe that’s what he dreamed about

That would work- a couple brief “I recognize this from Whisper’s mind dump” lines.

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I think it saids it in the WIP that the telepath gave him some of her memories to adjust to the world…but when I think about I do agree with you…with the MC’s last memory being a loved one killed and he himself being frozen by a close friend it should take you a minute to adjust physically and psychologically

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It is true, if someone strange speaks to you by telepathy. The logical thing is to try to get it out of your mind
And if you have a nice voice flirt :heart_eyes:

Really cool wip!!

sound like a really interesting concept

Love your story. Good writing !

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Out of curiosity, did you recently watch Castlevania on Netflix? :stuck_out_tongue:

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So he is mutant-Wolverine
Trap in ice for ages-Capitain America
So what we got Cap Wolverine?

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I haven’t watched Castlevania…

I should probably fix that hole, thanks for pointinh it out

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Great WIP! :grinning:
Really interesting story until now and i’m looking foward for the next update

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