I have one word for my reaction. Yes!!!
I should probably read th story before I ask this questionâŚbut since it sounds like weâre technically the oldest mutant alive shouldnât we be OP af ?âŚ
Question: This is picky but when weâre escaping from the facility the shadow guy points to the van and we say its only a few feet awayâŚwhy does it take us a few minutes to travel a few feet?
I like the story thoughâŚcanât wait for more!.
Is MC OP af?.
Weâll see
I probably shouldâve clarified that. Thanks for pointing out the van thing
Looks good man
This is great, original, interesting and just badass I look forward to seeing what you come up with
I like the setup so far, but you might want to emphasize the protagonistâs fish-out-of-water status a bit more. As it is heâs frozen 600 years ago (arguably more Renaissance than Medieval, but the latter is a vague enough term that you can get away with a lot) and the last thing he saw was his best friend betray him and murder his sister/wife⌠then he wakes up, is completely unphased by electricity and automobiles and a dozen other things, and promptly starts hitting on the nearest cute redhead.
A few more indications that heâs really, really, out of place, or at least a few lines to explain why heâs adjusting so well, would go a long way towards completing the tone youâve established so far.
Was the MC the first mutant?
I totally enjoyed the demo and I look forward to more. I do have some thoughts on it that I will offer up - food for thought, if you will.
- the mc seemed to be totally unphased by the transition from medieval to modern times, not saying they wouldnât adapt quickly but, they wouldnât know what a van is, for example
- I hope that there are more options to âbuildâ yourself essentially, appearance-wise at least but it would also be neat to be able to have a choice of powers to select from
-also, as one of the first mutants, the classes would be meaningless to the mc, so hopefully you can open up dialogue to ask more questions about modern language and technology
-there are grammar and spelling issues that you will probably want to go over in later drafts
Have fun with this! This seems like it could be an amazing IF once it all gets fleshed out. Look forward to the next update.
You could fix everything by saying: the telepath tells me as soon as I wake up.
XD
Now the MC would have all the basic information of the world and I think that in a WIP scene he explains it, or maybe thatâs what he dreamed about
That would work- a couple brief âI recognize this from Whisperâs mind dumpâ lines.
I think it saids it in the WIP that the telepath gave him some of her memories to adjust to the worldâŚbut when I think about I do agree with youâŚwith the MCâs last memory being a loved one killed and he himself being frozen by a close friend it should take you a minute to adjust physically and psychologically
It is true, if someone strange speaks to you by telepathy. The logical thing is to try to get it out of your mind
And if you have a nice voice flirt
Really cool wip!!
sound like a really interesting concept
Love your story. Good writing !
Out of curiosity, did you recently watch Castlevania on Netflix?
So he is mutant-Wolverine
Trap in ice for ages-Capitain America
So what we got Cap Wolverine?
I havenât watched CastlevaniaâŚ
I should probably fix that hole, thanks for pointinh it out
Great WIP!
Really interesting story until now and iâm looking foward for the next update