Defiled Hearts: The Barbarian (WIP) [non-adult thread] (Patreon demo update Jan 29)

[HaleyM]

Defiled Hearts: The Barbarian is a character driven and romance focused story about a Pictish druid infiltrating the Roman Legion.

You are one of the last surviving members of your tribe destroyed by the Romans. In a desperate search for vengeance you enlist into the Legion under a fake name and a made up past. You were supposed to be dead, but now you are an Auxiliary of Rome - a foreigner fighting for the might of the Empire. You’re alone, surrounded by enemies. Also, you might be going insane…

Can you forgive your enemies, or will you stay on the path of hatred? Will you find love and friendship in the last place you thought possible? Can you heal from your past?

Here is the link to the demo.

This WIP has been in the adult section since last October but due to me taking my time with the actual adult content to start taking place, I decided to make a non-adult thread for the game, too. Perhaps I will make a separate demo once the adult stuff starts happening (be it violent scenes or sexual ones, I’m not sure) but for now, there’s really nothing to justify the need for this to be strictly in the adult section.

Here is the link to the adult thread. Please keep any adult-oriented discussion there. Thank you.

Currently the demo is about 240k words long, excluding the code. Please note that the demo is in alpha state, which means that it’s quite a rough draft (no typo feedback, thank you). I’m a chaotic writer by nature, so whole scenes might be added or deleted later.

ROs

There are 5 romanceable characters: an arrogant Centurion who killed your father, a rude noblewoman, a protective Tribune, and a gentle merchant. And, of course, your childhood friend (who seems somewhat… changed?)

ROs can be romanced by any MC, regardless of gender. However, gender has an impact in the romance.

Warnings

Xenophobia, misgendering, violence (including bullying, murder, etc.). Feel free to let me know if there’s more you feel I need to include here.

Feedback I'm looking for

• Was there something that threw you out of immersion? Something your MC would’ve done or said differently? Was there something you wanted to say or do but couldn’t?
• Any feedback on the pacing? Were some scenes too abrupt? Too slow?
• Thoughts on the setting? Were there parts where you weren’t sure where you were and how the setting looked like?
• Thoughts on the ROs?
• Please let me know if you encountered any possible coding errors. I’m not interested in typos or grammar stuff at this point, since this is in alpha state and will likely be heavily altered later. However, if there was a point where you were absolutely aghast over what I’m trying to convey with my words, then let me know.

Other links

Instagram
Tumblr
Pinterest (boards for worldbuilding stuff and characters)
Patreon

Thank you, I hope you enjoy. If you feel uncomfortable about messaging in the thread, you can PM me.

[geldar]

Are you going to be posting updates in both threads or just this one? I want to track one for updates but probably don’t need to track both.

[HaleyM]

I will post updates in both threads.

(I just realized that I left my April fools Gremlin background in my Tumblr. Please ignore that lol.)

[Thanatos]

As this wip is about an subject that i Love ( romans versus germanic tribes) i’m going to stay with an eye in each tread, also, cant wait for the next uptade :3

[Queen_Zelda]

I really like the concept being a Barbarian and infiltrate the Roman Empire what females/males are the love interests? can we die in the middle of the story? I can’t wait for more <3

[M_K1]

I love ancient Rome and this story is very interesting. I’m dating Marcus (i love well writen enemies to lovers). Is our MC a kelt or are they from some unnamed tribe? (I’m sorry, if it’s mentioned at the beggining and i just don’t remember it)

[HaleyM]

@Queen_Zelda Thank you so much The male ROs are Niall and Marcus, female ROs Tinsae and Camilla, and a gender-flippable one is Quinn, the childhood friend.
I haven’t planned for the MC to die just yet but I’ve toyed with the idea of having possible bad endings. However, that would require a saving system of some sort. I need to think about this

@M_K1 Thank you, I’m happy to hear that as for your questions:

1. They are a Pict, so basically they are a Celt, yes. Their tribe is called the Venicones.
2. No, sorry!

[Queen_Zelda]

Oh, glad to know that we have lots of RO’s to interact with funny enough I love love Marcus so much xD I had lots and lots of cackles when I read the interaction with him and MC, it’s hilarious and sweet to see him so childish to MC and so loving to his dog companion <3 hopefully you get more reader and much more replies to your fantastic story.

Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t have asked anything about bad endings. LOL xD I’m totally okay without having bad endings xD

[Kai_Nakamura]

I really like the story so far. I hope you continue the story and finish it! My favorite scene would probably when Marcus was trying to look into MC eyes to see what color it was and that one choice were he shoved an wreath into MC head and also dog interactions with the MC.

[Alex1ou]

One of my favorites!

[queenalien]

i had to dig up my ancient account to tell you that i really enjoyed this! i love the setting (ancient rome is my favourite period) and the writing is great, i’m so intrigued about where the story is going to go. i’m also glad i’m not the only Marcus lover here!

[HaleyM]

Thank you all for your encouraging words
@queenalien I’m happy to hear I managed to resurrect your account haha this game’s thread in adult content side of the forum has gathered quite a few Marcus lovers. There are some Marcus memes, too! (I’m always happy about memes.) I recommend checking them out. Here is the link.

[HaleyM]

Hi there! Just wanted to let the people following this thread, too, to know that I’m making good progress with the rest of the 4th chapter. I’ll probably release the scenes of Samhain to my patrons before the end of this month (fingers crossed, I must get back to writing now), after that I’ll let you know about the schedule.

Thank you all for your interest and comments, you’re awesome!

[Nayama]

I have to admit I have not laughed this hard while reading in a while, granted, I “accidentally” stumbled on Marcus’s route and my MC is a defiant brat, so this might be why. Anyway this combo/pairing…is hilarious, they’re pushing each-others buttons like nobody’s business, I mean I know they usually say “fall in love” but to me it feels more like these two will “snark each other in love” and confuse the hell out of other people while they’re at it.

As for the characters…well here’s my two cents:
Marcus he’s a cocky little (insert frustrated rant here) but, to me it feels like at the end of the day it’s all a facade meant to hide the fact that he’s a decent human being who despises the way the roman aristocracy works while doing his best to minimize that…
Niall: kind and compassionate. I also get the feeling that he sees more than he’s letting on and that he’s very good at hiding that
Quinn: now this guy gives me the shivers (and not the fun ones), he might be well intended but something’s very, very wrong with this guy. My gut tells me to keep an eye on him and be wary…
Camilla: smart as a whip, ruthless but at the same time there’s something fragile behind all that
Tinsae; no idea, this one puzzles me, but if I have to say anything about her it’s that she seems more like a protector. I don’t know why but I do get the feeling she’s a very dangerous woman to cross.
ah, and the Legate: he’s to cheery, he feels fractured, like he tries to hold on to hard to something and it’s just slipping away so his response is to tighten his hold which in turn makes it slip away even faster (it’s not a critique on the quality of your depiction of the character, he feels real, developed, it’s just how this character, if he would be a living person, would feel to me if he acted the way this guy does)

Anyway, in case it was not clear enough, I love this work of yours so thank you for this wonderful piece of art. The characters, even the supporting cast, feel well developed, interesting and engaging, even irresistible…yes, yes, I can’t seem to be able to stop myself from poking poor Marcus, but he seems to get a kick out of it so …

[HaleyM]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback! It’s really gratifying to read how the characters are received, since it lets me know where I’ve succeeded/not so much. Eg. your impression of the Legate is basically what I wanted to convey with the text, so that’s awesome.
Thank you again so so much

[Queen_Zelda]

First and foremost thank you so so much for the update
gosh darnit, did our squad make literal hell out of Samhain? Pec did water the bonfire? Oh my gosh, I thought Pec wasn’t that stupid but it seems I was wrong about him LOL xD
I really laughed so hard but was so sad at the same time when our sweet little summer child (Kegan) saw the ghost of MC’s father (I think it is MC’s father because of the beheaded state) I really loved the interaction with the love interests around the Samhain scenarios. Poor Niall and LOL Marcus, it was so hilarious… xD
But I hope you won’t kill off anyone of the love interests nudge nudge
I really, really look forward to much more content in the future and I hope you can finish it so that we can buy it <3

[saggittarius]

@Queen_Zelda

But I hope you won’t kill off anyone of the love interests nudge nudge

And I hope you give them hell and not hold back, author
I follow you on tumblr and I see people getting worried about RO’s getting hurt - good, MC is on revenge quest

[HaleyM]

Oh, right! I was about to put the update announcement here, too:

Samhain scenes are now playable. There are 34k words in this update, bringing the game to a total of 160k words so far. In this update you can:

• Spend time with all of the ROs
• Try to fix Quinn’s mess
• Try to fix your contubernium’s mess
• Offer the Dead some refreshing beverages
• Dance!

Thank you for any possible feedback you have in mind and thank you for taking the time to read my little story!

As to whether I’m about to off the ROs: as this is a romance story, I think that there should be a possibility for a happy ending with them. However, since this is also a dark romance story and there’s also that murder and revenge stuff lurking about, I think that there should also be a possibility to do something about that revenge wink wink nudge nudge
Also, I like how it was done in Hakuoki: if you’re not on the RO’s route, then all bets are off Locked routes will probably be a thing in the 2nd book, there’ll be no locking yet in this one.

[Yrone_Cike]

One of the stories I’ve been waiting for the next update. For me, really, this one is one of the best. That’s why even tho I am impatient type of person, I am still waiting 'cause it’s worth it.

[HaleyM]

Thank you so much for the compliment

The writing is going very smoothly at the moment and I’m already well over half-way done with the new chapter. I’m aiming to get this done this month. Fingers crossed!