Defiled Hearts: The Barbarian (WIP) [non-adult thread] (updated May 3)

Defiled Hearts: The Barbarian is a character driven and romance focused story about a Pictish druid infiltrating the Roman Legion.

You are one of the last surviving members of your tribe destroyed by the Romans. In a desperate search for vengeance you enlist into the Legion under a fake name and a made up past. You were supposed to be dead, but now you are an Auxiliary of Rome - a foreigner fighting for the might of the Empire. You’re alone, surrounded by enemies. Also, you might be going insane…

Can you forgive your enemies, or will you stay on the path of hatred? Will you find love and friendship in the last place you thought possible? Can you heal from your past?

Here is the link to the demo.

This WIP has been in the adult section since last October but due to me taking my time with the actual adult content to start taking place, I decided to make a non-adult thread for the game, too. Perhaps I will make a separate demo once the adult stuff starts happening (be it violent scenes or sexual ones, I’m not sure) but for now, there’s really nothing to justify the need for this to be strictly in the adult section.

Here is the link to the adult thread. Please keep any adult-oriented discussion there. Thank you.

Currently the demo is about 120k words long, excluding the code. Please note that the demo is in alpha state, which means that it’s quite a rough draft (no typo feedback, thank you). I’m a chaotic writer by nature, so whole scenes might be added or deleted later.

ROs

There are 5 romanceable characters: an arrogant Centurion who killed your father, a rude noblewoman, a protective Tribune, and a gentle merchant. And, of course, your childhood friend (who seems somewhat… changed?)

ROs can be romanced by any MC, regardless of gender. However, gender has an impact in the romance.

Warnings

Xenophobia, misgendering, violence (including bullying, murder, etc.). Feel free to let me know if there’s more you feel I need to include here.

Feedback I'm looking for
  • Was there something that threw you out of immersion? Something your MC would’ve done or said differently? Was there something you wanted to say or do but couldn’t?
  • Any feedback on the pacing? Were some scenes too abrupt? Too slow?
  • Thoughts on the setting? Were there parts where you weren’t sure where you were and how the setting looked like?
  • Thoughts on the ROs?
  • Please let me know if you encountered any possible coding errors. I’m not interested in typos or grammar stuff at this point, since this is in alpha state and will likely be heavily altered later. However, if there was a point where you were absolutely aghast over what I’m trying to convey with my words, then let me know. :grin:
Other links

Instagram
Tumblr
Pinterest (boards for worldbuilding stuff and characters)
Patreon

A big chunk of the 4th chapter is out now!

Thank you, I hope you enjoy. If you feel uncomfortable about messaging in the thread, you can PM me.

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Are you going to be posting updates in both threads or just this one? I want to track one for updates but probably don’t need to track both.

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I will post updates in both threads. :slightly_smiling_face:

(I just realized that I left my April fools Gremlin background in my Tumblr. Please ignore that lol.)

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As this wip is about an subject that i Love ( romans versus germanic tribes) i’m going to stay with an eye in each tread, also, cant wait for the next uptade :3

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I really like the concept being a Barbarian and infiltrate the Roman Empire :smiley: what females/males are the love interests? can we die in the middle of the story? I can’t wait for more <3

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I love ancient Rome and this story is very interesting. I’m dating Marcus (i love well writen enemies to lovers). I have only two questions.

  1. Is our MC a kelt or are they from some unnamed tribe? (I’m sorry, if it’s mentioned at the beggining and i just don’t remember it)
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@Queen_Zelda Thank you so much :heart: The male ROs are Niall and Marcus, female ROs Tinsae and Camilla, and a gender-flippable one is Quinn, the childhood friend.
I haven’t planned for the MC to die just yet but I’ve toyed with the idea of having possible bad endings. However, that would require a saving system of some sort. I need to think about this :thinking:

@M_K1 Thank you, I’m happy to hear that :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: as for your questions:

  1. They are a Pict, so basically they are a Celt, yes. Their tribe is called the Venicones.
  2. No, sorry!
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Oh, glad to know that we have lots of RO’s to interact with :smiley: funny enough I love love Marcus so much xD I had lots and lots of cackles when I read the interaction with him and MC, it’s hilarious and sweet to see him so childish to MC and so loving to his dog companion <3 hopefully you get more reader and much more replies to your fantastic story.

Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t have asked anything about bad endings. LOL xD I’m totally okay without having bad endings xD

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I really like the story so far. I hope you continue the story and finish it! My favorite scene would probably when Marcus was trying to look into MC eyes to see what color it was and that one choice were he shoved an wreath into MC head and also dog interactions with the MC.

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One of my favorites!

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i had to dig up my ancient account to tell you that i really enjoyed this! i love the setting (ancient rome is my favourite period) and the writing is great, i’m so intrigued about where the story is going to go. i’m also glad i’m not the only Marcus lover here!

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Thank you all for your encouraging words :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
@queenalien I’m happy to hear I managed to resurrect your account haha :grin: this game’s thread in adult content side of the forum has gathered quite a few Marcus lovers. There are some Marcus memes, too! (I’m always happy about memes.) I recommend checking them out. Here is the link.

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