"Death at the Rectory" magical murder mystery: beta testing needed

all-ages-fiction
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
low-fantasy

#22

Yeah, I hope you don’t feel discouraged by mine, either! I was really excited to see this finally come to fruition.

I really, really think the core of this is fantastic.


#23

I’m not discouraged! These are excellent comments that are going to make it SO much better.


#24

This was a lot of fun. I liked how you have to pay attention to what’s said and done, or else the characters will call you out on it (like saying you never met Aurelia before to the police) and you can possibly fail in finding out who the murderer is. I really liked the idea of the suspects all being writers, and how the house became its own character with all the detail you put into it. Out of everyone, I felt Bruce stood out the most.

However, I agree with the others that it felt rushed. I enjoyed the mystery, but I don’t think we’re told the killer’s motive, and the ending was very short – there was really no time to appreciate that we solved the mystery or see what the others thought afterward.

A few other things

Now you’re all caught up, and it’s almost as if you’re watching it happen in front of you.
I feel like the writing sections could be more interesting if we, the players, get that same sense of it happening right in front of us if by having us choose plot points/dialogue/etc. as the MC writes. Right now the writing section just tells us we’re writing, and the ending only gave the word count, making the whole aspect of writing more disconnected and unimportant to the player and story overall, especially compared to the other choices where we learn more and interact with the others.

“May our problems be minor, and always resolved within twenty-two minutes.” “Cheers to that,” says Max.
Needs a space between the two paragraphs.

“Don’t you dare. We’re over.”
This was the only choice when interacting with Max after the murder. Was it meant to be the only choice? It felt like it came out of nowhere, especially since the reason for why the MC would say such a thing is told only after the player chooses the answer.

I’ll talk to Lala about all this.
In my playthrough the MC didn’t interact too much with Lala, and with there being no mention of her in the narration before this choice it felt like a jump for the MC to think of her.

She stands up, looking thoroughly galvanised. “I can’t believe this has happened in my house again.”
I thought it strange that Renee brings up there being a previous murder but the MC just lets it pass. I think that would be something to question at that moment, since a precedent like that could cause the MC to begin to suspect Renee.

Renee digs her fingers into the bed. “We already know. She was stabbed—a lot.”
I don’t think we’re ever told Aurelia died from being stabbed until this moment. Was the MC elsewhere when the others were told?

“That suggests Renee or Eric, doesn’t it? Since they’re the locals.”
The MC can asks this when talking to Renee, but it seems like they’re asking a third person instead who is not Renee or Eric – and Renee answers as if she wasn’t just accused.

“Does anyone else have the same magic?” she asks. “If someone tells a lie, their eyes turn yellow.”

“I do,” says Lala. “Tell me.”
I felt like Lala’s magic came out of nowhere. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t interact with Lala too much. As for the magic overall, I do like the idea, but since the magic seems mostly helpful, it often lessened the tension so the plot could move along. Like this scene – it would have been interesting if we didn’t know if Renee was lying or not here, and so there’s always that question of whether she’s the murderer. It would also cause the choice to believe Renee to be the murderer later when the police arrest her to make more sense.

“Show me,” he says.

“I’m not sure I can,” you say.
I chose “thank you” here. I thought the MC was thanking Max for believing her about the magic, but then it seems like it’s acting as if I chose the option where you can say you don’t know if you can fly again.

Who do you suspect?
Who are you certain is innocent?

You can pick someone to be the suspect and also be certain they’re innocent. Perhaps there should be an option on the suspect list to say you don’t think any of them are the suspect… or maybe have the MC think that they’re a suspect and the house’s magic made them kill someone, especially since they’re warned about how the house can effect people.

I’m looking forward to playing it again, though, and seeing if there are clues I didn’t catch the first time around. :relaxed:


#25

Ok so I’m not great at giving feedback but I’ll give it a shot. Loved the game, and I was completely enthralled throughout its entirety. As far as issues the killer in my game turned out to be Max.. The issue is that around the very last four pages of the game, near Renee’s arrest, the killers name was switched to “1” in the text. Not sure if this was intentional or not but yeah. The only other issue I had was at the end of the game it failed to display the number of words I had written. I will attach a screenshot of what happened.


#26

Perhaps, @Felicity_Banks, you could have the player character be forced into writing mysteries?

Unrequested Advice

It may be a way to increase suspense - perhaps the MC starts getting freaked out, as things s/he/they write start happening throughout the house? It would potentially be a nice way to further ingrain the magical elements of the story, I think.

In addition, I think someone mentioned potentially being able to have more input on the writing of the novel, itself.

More Completely Unrequested Advice

Mayhap that ties into the murder mystery investigation, somehow? Like if the killer is Max, perhaps a character within the MC’s book is loosely reminiscent of him, and life imitates art???

I’m literally just bouncing ideas off a wall here. Feel free to be quite upset with me for having the audacity :sweat_smile:


#27

Ooh, I like this idea too, especially since in the beginning the MC thinks about basing a character on the rector – it might be interesting if it turned out to be the other way around. :thinking:


#28

You are giving really good advice I was trying proposed something similar but you expose it far better. However player should have something player agency to define character goals .

My dream come true in general for a cog mistery rpg game would be one For instance there is a number of people in a mansion etc player could select from one of them and the ones didn’t choose be the npcs. Something like a cluedo but with a proper story and goals maybe if one is evil the objective is killing a rival and make look like a copy cat of the real assassin. Something like that.

This could be more closed ever to my fantasy of a Cluedo rpg lol


#29

They’re cool


#30

:woman_facepalming:
Oh gosh I’m terrible at this. I meant to say it was a cool idea (it does sound like quite a bit of work though). How did I not notice that