Dawn of Heroes (WIP) (Updated 10/31/23)

Oi there @Dvalor53 my character is a female and calling it sir is weird

Also in flight power one of the flaws is riding a chuck of rock (also it says cunk of rock) but it was never mentioned.

Oh no! I’ll try to get that oversight fixed.

As for the chunk of rock. Thank you for pointing that out! I have made so many options for things that I forget about adding details for things.

I will try to get this all fixed by weeks end. Thank you very much for the feedback!

@Dvalor53 had a flightlineofsight error when doing the custom power builds at the end.

That’s so embarrassing! I thought I rid myself of all character creation scripting errors before posting the demo. Line of sight should not be an option for flight. I will have that fixed by weeks end. Thank you very much for reporting this!

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@Dvalor53 no worries :smiley: look forward to fix and playing again when I get the chance.

That gadget creation mechanic works really well for the format of the Genesis games. I’m not really looking to copy his ideas or script. I was not really looking for a money value for readers to have to manage. While the job should provide advantages and limitations to the character, I am more focused on the stories that come with that profession.

I am starting to develop a system for custom gadgets, I will just be doing it different than Adrao. It might be a few weeks/months before it is at a point that I’m going to be willing to implement it into the demo.

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Well I gave you all the ideas I had I didn’t expect you to copy anything I was just hoping it will give you an idea that would help you develop your process even more I love game design I want to be a game designer so I can’t wait to see what you come up with good luck I will be watching

I forgot to ask you in the custom Power creator when you say segmented exoskeleton is this something you built or is it something that naturally comes from your body I had a hard time figuring that out? Or could this exoskeleton be like the blue beetle scarab where it’s fuse to your body so if you are in trouble then it just like comes out of your body to cover you? because that would be awesome if it was

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Like it so far!

Enjoyed the story saw a few grammar and a repeated sentence somewhere. I’ve played once enjoyed the story like the powers, but a bit more explanation there will be a great help. Also maybe joining some chapters into one chapter would be better since they are quite short to be considered a chapter. Otherwise very enjoyable. When I do another play through later I’ll screen shot the mistakes that I find for you.:blush:

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Love it so far, but the chapters are short, there are also pronoun mistakes, and it’s confusing because I thought it was supposed to be in the first pov, and yet there are some sentences where the first pov is mixed with the second ones.

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Hear a question, at some point in the story do you mention that the city where the story takes place is special? I say in case it has something to do with the rare storm in history or at least something remarkable about it.

Just a suggestion, could you add a option to be a monster hero example: Hulk,Venom or Spawn cause that would super dope.P.S love the story so far U have a fan in me.

Love it so far, but I think you should rewrite the elemental powers, I find weird to throw gravity

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Let’s not forget how you can hold gravity.

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Aside from the spelling and grammar errors, I feel like the game sometimes ignores or doesn’t take into account the player’s powers so it may progress with the story. Or just small things that I’ve noticed.

For example, when the businessman, Jordan, comes to untie the rope on Valentina, it says that he nearly topples me over to get to the rope. So, my MC is custom built to have nigh immovability and super strength, it wouldn’t seem reasonable for that to play out. Another example is when you help a homeless after he was dragged away somewhere. Some dude managed to put a shackle on me that is connected to car batteries? During that time when my character was trying to escape, I feel like a regular shackle or chain wouldn’t hold back enhanced strength. I can’t say for certain on how enhanced durability would work with electrifying currents, I suppose that is a weakness.

Overall, I like the premise of the game. The powers you are able to have are great. It’s an interesting feature to have flaws for some powers. I love me some super powered games.

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This looks interesting but I want to ask you… The police route. How do I get it? My guess is that you don’t have it in the game yet but maybe I just decided wrong

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Sorry I hoped to be far more active this week, but got myself in a situation without a computer. I’ll try to tackle feedback in as few of posts as possible!

It is meant to be a partial power armor. Like what you see in Edge of Tomorrow or Starship Troopers. Seeing as this is the emergence of super powers I’m not sure how far I’d like to go with some powers. I might revisit to add these options.

I would appreciate all feedback and reports of repeated sentences. When you say more explanation, do you mean like power descriptions, character descriptions, environmental descriptions, etc.? I’m glad to hear you are enjoying it, what do you like most? I will consider combining chapters, at this time I do plan on doing additional drafts so length could very well increase in the future, or whole scenes may change.

Please point out pronoun mistakes! These are super easy for me to overlook with how I write. The first draft of this story was in second person I decided I wanted to do first person instead. As a result there are second person anomalies throughout. If you find them, please report them so that I can get them fixed.

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No, I never mention what is special about this place. Up to the point of the storm’s arrival it is unremarkable. Will it become one? I wish not to speak of uncertain futures.

Honestly, I had not considered this. I will not guarantee that I’ll put this in, but I can add it to the ideas list. Thank you for the feedback!

Fair point on both examples! I have been planning of doing just this and will try to get to gravity quickly. Light may need some rewrites too. Thank you for the feedback you two!

It is hard to keep track of missed power opportunities, so I appreciate this. I have felt like I need to go back over everything with specific powers in mind when going over it thinking “What would a fire user do?” or “What would someone with a forcefield do?”

That near immovability is a good example, you should not be moved unless you want to be, or someone is truly too powerful. I’ll try to get this fixed by next week’s end.

I’ll add more to the shackle ambush to clarify this better. At this point in the story, the character can be inhuman in strength, but would not keep up with most comic book power houses. If this story is ever completed and largely liked I have plans for stories beyond this that will allow for the development of new powers and advancement on current ones. These limits have not been explained, I plan for the reader and character to find them out at the same time. In this case electricity still gets to the nerves of Brick characters. There are some natural counters written into this scene though, like if you have a stone body. In this case the character might have enough strength to physically break the bindings, just not when they have little control over their muscles.

Lightning controllers could probably counter it if they expect the attack. The point of this was to highlight a weakness.

Flaws are meant to do three things:

  1. Place in story limits to the powers.
  2. Have the SHR be more accurate. Neither Terra’s nor Ironman’s flight should get the same SHR that Super Man’s does.
  3. Better describe powers. If I wanted to replicate Magneto’s powers, than the character shouldn’t have normal flight, but require metal to lift himself with.
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The faded job route options and Chapter 9 subplot options are not all introduced. I wanted to get feedback and gather other information before investing in the other job routes. Each job has it’s own set of chapters completely different from the other jobs. This is a time investment for every route and I want to make sure they are wanted before doing that. Pre-first draft I had a professional athlete route. I cut the professional athlete route already as it was the hardest for me to conceptualize and six job routes is quite a few for a first time writer. I am willing to cut things if needed/not desired.

Glad to hear you’re looking forward to it!

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