Dawn of Heroes (WIP; Alpha Testing)

Definitely good. Loved the name reveal.


I hope This will release on Google play, it will be an immediate buy for me. And quick question will there be a sequel?

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Feel’s a bit weird not being bulletproof to some extent even with max Toughness But I guess that’s fair. Anyway this is gonna be an Instant buy when I get can.


The answer is a bit more complicated than the question itself. To try and keep it simple: as it currently stands I plan on making a parallel novel and two sequels. The parallel will introduce a second main character in their own story before bringing them together for the sequels.

It gives room for powers to grow in later stories. I don’t want to feel like there is no room for powers to improve later, it also keeps some tension on the current story. My apologies. :slight_smile:


@Dvalor53 – I found a continuity issue for a “speed” hero.

The speedster superhero can run at 120 mph … the hospital a few miles away. The ambulance arrives in a “few minutes” + 2 additional minutes.

The hero could have been at the hospital sooner than the ambulance.

Normal feedback: So far the speedster is an interesting set, but I feel under powered and my martial arts training seems much more useful than my superpower, and speed seems to be negated by plot so far.

I have a lot more to read, so I will report back to see if I feel differently later.

I am enjoying the story arc so far, and I like the development of the characters so far.


Would you happen to know what your speed was? There should have been different text for higher speeds. I may just need to lower what that requirement is.

*if Player1HeroSpeed > 80
	Now that we were out of the building, I could let loose my speed. Cranking it up two notches we took off down the street outpacing the traffic and cars around us. I focus on obstacles before us any mistake would injure more than just me.

	We stop in front of the doors to the emergency room, and I fall to a knee. I had held the speed for too long.
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When this text appeared, it said my speed was 120mph … maybe the check is not operating correctly.

Here are my hero’s stats at the time of the museum incident:

> Heroic Identity Characteristics

Strength: 17%

Stamina: 34%

Toughness: 34%

Reflex: 63%

Speed: 51%

Shrewd: 21%

Deception: 0%

Deduction: 0%

Diplomacy: 22%

Intimidation: 30%

Observation: 0%

Recollection: 0%

Technical: 0%

If there is anything else I can help with, please let me know.


That was perfect. Thank you. I should probably make a spreadsheet for game stat vs real world stats for quick reference.

I will jot this down. Thank you very much! I do want to make runs to see where the detailed stuff is getting missed. I gave myself a great bane by allowing so many different powers. :face_with_head_bandage: There are a lot of times I overlook options for powers and equipment.

Thank you for that feedback! I’m glad to hear it. One thing I keep worrying about is how the character development and character portrayals come across to readers.


i will respond to this in more detail once I get through to the end.

I will say I am enjoying the CEO route so far.


It’s fine, tbh I kinda expected it. It’s nice that atleast bones are bulletproof


Actually you made me me noticed that I forgot text for if you have power armor on. The power armor would basically act as an exoskeleton. A bulletproof vest would also do its job. I’ll add that to my list of things to fixed at a later time. Thank you.

  • I enjoyed the evolution of Kyra throughout the plot so far.
  • V is a solid character from the beginning and should be an attractive option to many.
  • S … she brought a kid into a dangerous situation intentionally … other than that I don’t know much about her
  • Aegis interesting character devellopment
  • Cami – what a good friend to have
  • Lugh – married to the spear… big red flag there.
  • Breaker – seems married to her “handler” the guy with perfect teeth.
  • Genesis – a number that was never called … missed opportunity, and something that should be addressed soon
  • Kilchil – cool guy but untouchable to me. Perhaps would be better to make him a lieutenant or higher rank detective for all the non-book things he does. simple beat cop may not be able to realistically do things done without higher up support.

Story Arc-wise i like the development of Santa Muerta and I like the plot point of the council meeting. Interesting antagonists, although not yet known.

Pyryght … I like his development as a metahuman, but his personality seems to follow a well-worn pattern for antagonists so far.

All of this was influenced by my feelings about my MC that I expressed above. I think self sabotage may have been at work in the first 15ish chapters more then i realized at the time of reading them.


I haven’t even read it but 13 romance options is a huge red flag bruh

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What do you mean? I think we have a different definition of red flag.

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I think they mean that it’s going to be an issue that the ROs may not be fleshed out at all because of the high amount


Yeah should be common sense, 13 romance options in a single game like is this gonna be 2 million words or something lol.

Most games should just stick with 3-4 gender chooseable. This game has the most romance options out of every WIP I’ve encountered no joke.


So I just finished the game and honestly I’m not impressed as the author tries to do too much, too many variables and not enough depth. Some issues include:

1: Too many characters + too many ROs. Most of them are forgettable and even when unique they only appear briefly, 13 ROs is overkill + more characters

2: 16 Chapters without a proper story, like whats going on? In one chapter there are 4 subplots where you choose to hang out with the characters that has no bearing on the main story, in other chapters its more linear where you stop crime but nothing major on the story or carries emotional weight while in other chapters its just nonstop linear talking which can be VERY long.

3: Too many variables, quantity over quality is best. Why have 20 choices of powers when it won’t make that much of a difference, I used Mental powers which is the most interesting of them all. Why have 5 backgrounds and background exclusive romance interests and background exclusive subplots? In the CEO route there’s a subplot and the IT route there’s another subplot?

The game being stat heavy makes it feels like a game instead of a story.

Overall this is an example of quantity over quality, too many subplots, too many characters, too many variables, powers, backgrounds, and it feels shallow.

I’d seriously consider revamping the project to make it more linear with less characters and overall a more coherent linear structure in story, backstory and characters. Focus on 1 backstory, 1 power and characters you will always meet with a good story and character development.

I’ll just say that the most popular IF games including WIPS tend to be more linear as well.

I will give one point and that is the characters seem interesting at the very least even if you don’t spend too much time with them. It has potential but tries to do to much and feels like a game and not a story.


Lol no. This game is great.


Thank you very much for all of your feedback! I will take everything you said into consideration and see if I can improve this WIP.

A few months back I asked if I had too many ROs. I admit I was concerned over how some characters were not given a lot of screen time and now I can see that some agree.

I will reflect on this. Thank you.

I have already started looking over tightening some of the powers but I can not say how much will stay or be cut yet.


Thanks for taking constructive criticism seriously. It has potential though, stick with 3-4 ROs and you’re all good. I think that the CEO background is the best.

I mean it has to be unique, when you go on a “date” with V, K or A the dialogue is 95% the same lol.

The background and power should be linear so you as the Author can weave it in the story more closely for eg in FH mental powers is the chosen on but for combat we have choices between speed, strength or stronger mental powers which slightly affects the story which is good, not too much.

Like having deduction, recollection, observation or deception checks are kinda pointless when they all do the same thing. Make the story more emotional while talking to the characters, it has to be a journey not 1 day you hang with A and tomorrow you fight crime with the rest.


It is strange you can choose to either go the museum or the other place where the events are the same thing with the same ending of you running to the hospital to save a woman and you do meet Genesis but you also choose 1 of 4 characters to meet up, why make that choice? its needless variables and choices.

Or when you fight in the docks, the fight with Santa Muerte was super brief and I won easily while the choice of getting evidence or saving the kids didn’t change much as afterwards you still momentarily stopped being a hero. Also when you save the kids they all died but Henry this neighbour’s kid but when you choose the evidence Henry was never even in the container, again more useless choices.

Choices needs to matter bro. Karma system is also needless and causes more work for you, just let bad things happen to innocent people sometimes.

Final thing was the POV change, omg this was too much, Wayhaven briefly had this with its 4 ROs which is fine but in this game there was like constant POV shifts from the reporter, to the other CEO Rowan to some random guy named Sean.

Just stick to the POV of the MC while occasionally a bit shifting to 1 or 2 other characters, let it be a mystery, why show us the supervillain meeting with 5 villains. Just do less is more my friend, let Fallen Hero or Heroes Rise be an inspiration.

Anyways I hope to see an improvement one day since I did enjoy the characters of Kyra, Valentina, Jordan. The introduction of a mythological character like Lugh was cool as I love mythology but how did 1 mythological character appear in a superhero story with no other mythological characters? strange

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