Cyberpolice (November 2020. 1-2 hours playtime) (WIP)

Save system included. Hopefully it works.

Cyberpolice is a cyberpunk(near future science fiction) story about you as a police officer solving a strange murder case.

You’re new to the city of Neo-Terminus and have been assigned to partner up with a local elite cop.

Current estimated playtime is around 1-2 hours.

While it’s lacking in certain elements(character relationship variables), it can be considered more or less complete up to the point where it ends. (It ends abruptly and is perhaps 1/3 of the whole story)

At this point I’d like to get feedback in whatever form is most comfortable for you to give. Later on I’ll ask for more specific feedback. For now I’d just like to know what you think about it, in your own words. Of course, if you want to give specific feedback, go for it, I’ll certainly welcome it.

https://dashingdon.com/go/6893

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It was interesting, I really do like the premise of it. I’ll be watching this game.

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Wait 2 hours of playtime?!?!

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So I’ve heard. Depending on the reader it might be 30 minutes more or less.

Around 36,000 words per play-through. Wasn’t sure if the word count people usually refer would be this 36,000, or the total amount written for the whole thing(code included).

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Will there be any ROs?

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In all likelihood there will eventually be ROs, but as of yet none have been implemented. (Since I haven’t really done the relationship counters and such yet. Currently characters react only in a “scene”/imminent basis rather than a “game” basis).

While I have some ideas on which they’ll be, I’d like some input from the audience on the matter, since ROs are one of the things I’m not super confident about.

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That’s fair I guess, I dont push anything of course but if you do implement ROs, I’d like Bailey or Carr as one. Anyway, good luck on your game! :grin:

Thanks for the feedback.

I’ll definitely take all opinions into consideration when making the choices for romance subplots. Realistically I’m probably going to limit the number to four or so, but we’ll see. It’ll depend a lot on how extensive I’m going to be with that stuff(and how confident and creative I feel about making worthwhile content for them). I’m guessing either Bailey or Carr will be included in the four, but we’ll see.

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Id guess 30-1 hour but the story is okay, not sure how to feel about what there currently is being 1/3. As well as mixed feelings about current chars potentially being RO.

Of course saves would be nice

Wow, fascinating read, first of all i love the story already…
I got the cyberpunk feel the moment from the start… however i want to point out you did a wonderful job on one of the starting choice background , which is the veteran cop sent to help to new generation.
This is a rare background choice because most game titles focus on teenager background or the rookie like a teen adult fiction.

But in this case , it is refreshing interesting because i can play as a veteran who is a hero or war veteran being integrated into the young generation instead of the normal young gun beating all the old lions.

In this case, i am hoping there could be more different of story intepretation from the view of an “old” MC, like how they feel the younger gens disrespecting the old lions and how they can stage a “return of the king”, most importantly, how an old veteran could even find new romance in their twilight career? These are all new territory need to be cover…

In addition, it is always nice to play as a law officer trying to perform a lawful duty to maintain peace and perform detective work in a multi class society, how a law officer make different and become a bridge to gap the wealthy and the poor?

This title has so much promise, but i think it is also very challenging, especially you need to make a different perception between a rookie cop and an old veteran, all the best and i am looking forward for the completion of this project

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@Tiavals suggestions:

  1. I would like the character to have a more complete background story e.g. choose the IQ of the mc, if it is a person with many academic careers, their experience with modern and ancient technology etc

  2. answers according to the type of background e.g. if the mc is very intelligent without technological help there are comments like “you are a biological cyborg” and so on

I like how you write and I’m enjoying the story so far, but I think I got a bug: I got to the part where I question Fatima (after taking the option of intervening) and after pressuring her to talk about the victims routine I got sent back to the part where I’m asked again if I want to intervene or let Stillwater keep talking to her.

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

Could you give me a bit more detail on what you said?

My estimate of 2 hours was incorrect, and 1 hour is closer to the truth? Do you feel that it’ll be too short in the end if it’s at 1/3 currently?

It’d be really useful if you could explain your mixed feelings about the RO stuff.

I’ll implement saves at some point for sure. I’ll have to look into how they work, so no promises about when it’ll happen.

Good to hear that you like it, and thanks for the details as to why you did, it’s always useful to know that some things work, especially if it’s in the way I intended. :slight_smile:

I agree that it’s challenging. Hopefully I can deliver on all the things that I’ve set up so far. That’s where the feedback comes in so I can see what needs improvement and what should stay the way it is.

I’ll have to think on this. I’m not entirely sure I can make these kinds of choices interesting enough given the amount of work I feel implementing them would take. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it sounds like I’d have to include an option related to these background options at nearly every scene, which might end up being too much work compared to the overall quality increase they’d give to the experience(which I feel would be relatively slight).

Thanks! I can’t believe I never spotted that bug. There was too many “tabs” on one row so the “goto” line ended up being only on the second option, rather than being affecting both of them. This meant that if you pressed the issue then you advanced to one of the previous nodes.

It’s fixed now.

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Paperwork skill description is wrongly tied to Investigation flag in the stat page.

I think you can add something like a note for each case, there are many details but I can’t actually remember all of them

Very interesting concept, intriguing plot, amazing detailed in-game world and spot-on cyberpunk atmosphere. Regarding potential candidates for ROs, I think, it would be cool to have Stillwater as one of them (if this okay and possible), he’s truly a fascinating character!
Wish you luck and lot of inspiration :dizzy:

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This is promising, it gives me some black mirror vibe. I could imagine the world because of the detailed description. Looking forward for more progress! You did great :sparkles:

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I was just shocked about the supposed playtime, dont worry about it.

Like i cant write or really story build like yall, but my opinion is that it could feel rushed. I know there was a lotta words soo far for backstory ect, just feels like nothing has happened.

Your writing is good but i just dont feel drawn/ a forced need for romance since thats what i interpreted the description as for the first playthrough. But ive re-read up there and if you were going for character relations: like whether they like you enough to do something/triggers for something later in the plot, then its fine/good as it is.

If ya planned for/want RO, code it in, don’t forget that its your game and take everyone’s opinons with a few grains of salt (including mine of course).

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@Aoyama_Blue_Mountain I agree with you regarding the ROs. The characters are fucked up in their own ways that pursuing romance with them is very uncomfortable. Unless the writer has plans for it all along.

Now on to the subject of why I commented here, congrats on your very first demo. I was blown away with the worldbuilding and the personality of the characters. I felt amused and disturbed at the same time towards Neo-Terminus and you did a good job of transmitting those emotions across! As a big fan of true crime or cop shows (Big fan of The Wire here), I can’t wait for the full game. Best of luck to you and I’m looking forward to more of the demo!

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Again thanks for all the feedback everyone!

To give you some idea on my update schedule, I’m the sort of person who’s more comfortable with making bigger updates every now and then rather than making small ones every week.

For now I’m planning to make an update every month or so, but we’ll see how that pans out.

If you’d prefer to have a weekly update instead, be sure to mention it. If that’s what you kind testers prefer, then I’ll adapt to it if possible.

Thanks, it’s fixed in the code now but I won’t reupload the file just for that yet. Next time I update the files it’ll be in.

Makes sense. I’ll include something like that in the stat-screen at some point.

Glad you liked it! :slight_smile:

As for Stillwater being a RO, I’ve definitely considered it but it’ll be quite hard to accomplish. We’ll see if I have enough skill to make it reality.

Thank you. It’s good to know that people like it. Gives me a warm feeling inside. :wink:

Thanks for clarifying on what you meant.

I based the playtime on what the three people who played it before I posted it here told me. Maybe they were slow readers or decided to read it with a magnifying glass to spot any problems for my benefit. Also, based on the word-count of 36,000 that randomtest gave me, I thought 2 hours sounded right since a quick googling told me people generally read 30,000 words in 100 minutes or so.

I guess I’ll update the playtime as 1-2 hours.

I get your concern on it being rushed. It’s definitely true that nothing has really happened as such, except for a great deal of setup. We’ll see how it pans out when I release some more text(the next segment is planned to be more of a “things happen since the setup is over” kind of thing).

If people agree that it’s too short and rushed, I can always fix it later. The current version of the story is based on a “minimalistic” approach, since I noticed that I’d never get it done if I tried to do it in the level of detail I originally wanted to. In short, I have a lot of material but including it all may be so much work that I’ll burn out before I get it done, so I decided to do the “good enough” version first. Once it’s “done”, I’ll see if people think the length is good enough or not, and expand it afterwards with the stuff I’ve had to cut for now(plans wise).

As for the relations stuff, if you’re referring to the part that I said about “lacking in certain elements(character relationship variables)”, I meant that I haven’t yet included stuff that takes into account whether you’ve pissed off a character or whether they should like you(in other words exactly what you said about triggers and so on).

Currently the characters have no “memory” of past events, which means if you did things that they would logically like, they don’t act any differently later on should you happen to pass through a node where I’ve written that they’re annoyed. Likewise, if you’ve made them hate you in an earlier scene, and later go to a scene variant where they act friendly, that’s what you’ll see, since I haven’t written an alternate version where they would(logically) not like you for how you interacted with them in the past. Plus, you can’t ask them to do something, and they won’t do anything just to spite you etc. (In practice the character interaction is shallow rather than deep due to it being temporary in nature)

In short, there’s no: “Stillwater Likes you” variable, or “Character relationship scale between 1-100, with 1 being Hate and 100 being Friends”.

The reason for this is, naturally, because it was a lot of work and I felt that I wanted to get some feedback on what I’ve written already. The next time I release additional content for the story, that sort of stuff will definitely be included. Meaning, if you piss someone off, they’ll treat you like they don’t like you, and if you’ve impressed someone they’ll take it into account. I think such things are very important in interactive fiction, especially for a story like this that revolves around close interaction with a handful of characters.

As for the RO stuff, I’m not sure I can write dialogue and scenes related to that in a way that’s believable or enjoyable, so I felt it was for the best to not include it in this first version. Plus, it doesn’t make too much sense to me for there to be any RO content at this point of the story. Later on, definitely, but not for a while, since you just barely met the characters.

I have some plans on the RO content for sure, but again it’s a question of “what can I include without it being way too much work”(if I do include them, I’m aiming more for “a few in-depth romance options” than “lots of shallow ones”).

I have ideas for romance subplots for most non-minor characters you meet, so it’s more of a question of “which ones to choose and flesh out” rather than “do I have ideas for them”. Practically what this means is that I’ll have to think which of them are the most interesting and which ones I can actually implement without spending too much time on them. The fact is that the game is mostly about non-romance stuff, so I’d like to focus on those things. On the other hand, character relationships(non-romantically) are definitely an important aspect of the story(due to the “buddy cop” dynamic), so I’ll be exploring those things in detail in any case. Romance can be seen an extension or variant of such stuff, so it’s certainly a sensible option to include for some of the characters.

Thanks.for the praise, I appreciate it. :slight_smile:

Hehe, the fact that the characters tend to lean more toward the extreme side of things rather than mild side is part of the reason why I’m not particularly confident on the ideas I have for the romance content. It’s pretty easy to write it in a way that’s dumb, offensive or unrealistic, at least for me since I don’t have too much experience writing such things. I’d like to try it out, but I’d hate to disappoint people if it ends up being awful. It’d be really awkward if people ended up hating the story because I failed at something like that. Then again, I guess that’s why the WIP forum exists, so I can try stuff out and people can tell me whether it works or not. We’ll see if I’m going to experiment with that stuff in the next version or not, depends on how large a chunk I’m going to do.

I’m more of a fan of detective fiction and the like(Hercule Poirot), as well as scifi cop stuff, so it’ll be useful to have feedback from people who watch true crime stuff more. I’m most certainly not an expert on police procedure, so if anything feels off or stupid as far as the law enforcement stuff goes, be sure to comment on it(Like “it feels strange that they would act this way in this situation, because XYZ”). Of course, since the setting isn’t exactly a realistic present day society, it’s good to give it some leeway. :wink:

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