Mari is not my chosen romance option but I liked the dialogue and the mood in her scene; it was very unromantic and somewhat unsettling which I feel fits Mari well. I also love how the dialogue has a lot of variations. The only thing I did not like is the part “The two of you discuss this and that for a while more, until it becomes apparent that the night can end only in one of two ways.” because these “fades to black” for dialogue really take away from an immersion.
That being said, the actual, um, “romance” scene fades to black way too fast. Hosted Games seem to be not strict on this matter, I know there is at least one game with a very explicit scene but it is not written particularly well so I am not going to name it. Instead, I think Breach: The Archangel Job romance scenes would be a good example: they are longer but not explicit. At least Gabriel’s scene is but I imagine others are similar. I must add that your scene has more dialogue before and after the scene than Breach which I really appreciate.
Fallen Hero: Retribution (and Fallen Hero: Rebirth likely too, I just haven’t seen its romance scenes) and Wayhaven Chronicles Book 2 and Book 3 have long, more emotional, and more explicit scenes. I am not suggesting that you should necessarily make yours more explicit, just giving examples of games which have very good scenes in my opinion.
And I have a question. I am surprised that AmriBrad allows Mari to have one night stands and even has forms to fill out for that purpose. I am even more surprised that it happens often enough with her being a Designer Human. So my question is how much Designer Humans/Soldiers are actually interested in romantic relationships and sex? I got the impression that they would be completely uninterested but Mari is very different from them so that’s probably why she acts this way. What about Stillwater (since he is a Designer Soldier)?
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 10 days, in small parts.
I see that the polls are giving slightly inconsistent results, I feel like, especially when compared to the verbal feedback so far. (or perhaps I’m overly critical and misinterpreting everything )
How can it be “good enough” when there are a number of things that seem important and can probably be improved on relatively easily?
I’ll be generous to myself and assume that it means that the scenes are good enough even as is, but would be great if I rectify the issues. But keep in mind, by voting “good enough” I might do nothing about the scene in the end, so be careful when voting. Being nice is great and all, but not if it leads to me making the wrong decisions based on misinformation.
I’ll definitely change the “fade to black” parts, and probably tighten the characterisation of Mari Badr on both the gala “persona” and overall, since both of those seem to be a bit strange to a large number of voters for my liking.
I’m not totally sure whether I’ll move on to the Stillwater version next, or make a quick “2.0” version of this scene first. We’ll see. I’ll be able to start working tomorrow for a bit, but after that the next 5-10 days should be pretty good for writing(supposing I can get everything to work perfectly on my laptop). After that though, not sure if I can get too much done.
Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t post the other versions in their current forms, since based on the feedback they wouldn’t have had a great reception. They’re less varied and shorter, and contain even more “fade to black” things. I’ll gladly take the extra time to improve on them, even if cuts into my “preparing for the major update” time. Fortunately it should be pretty easy to improve on all, although a bit time consuming. (I’ll do my best to finish tolerable versions of each while I can)
Finally, I think it can be more or less be confirmed that I will be adding the full romances to the game eventually, since this version was “good enough” and there are a few hopefully easy ways to improve parts in it. We’ll know for sure once I post all the one night stands. Worst case scenario, no full romances, but I’ll expand the one night stands considerably so they’re “self-sufficient”.
Thanks for the detailed feedback!
Seems like the consensus is that the fades to black shouldn’t be there, or should be more delayed.
Clearly my understanding of the “what’s appropriate” is calibrated a bit too much on the delicate side. I’ve personally not seen all that many romances in the COGs and Hosted’s I’ve played, and compared to those that I have, this was actually way more risqué than any of them.
Thus, I’ll be “unpacking” the fades to black more. Still not totally sure where the line goes, but I’ll check the games that you suggested to have a better idea. Even if I don’t make anything more explicit, I’ll be sure to make it more detailed and more immersive rather than what it currently is.
As for Mari Badr’s behaviour and it being accepted by the company… well, I have to admit some things may have been skewed from the original narrative to suit the desires of the audience. As some of you may know, she wasn’t supposed to be one of the romanceable people until lots of people expressed interest in it, so I had to change some things a bit and form some sort of justification and interesting scenario around it. Meaning: It isn’t necessarily as well thought out as most of the stuff in the game.
As for Designer Humans and their desire for such things, that’s a somewhat complicated matter. The reasons why people engage in sexual or romantic acts are very varied. Intimacy, lust, manipulation, profit, getting a sense of superiority over someone, wanting to annoy/hurt someone unrelated to the act, wanting to satisfy someone else’s desires due to compassion or other “positive” emotional reasons, curiosity, assumption that not doing it is abnormal and wanting to feel normal thus being pressured by society, etc.
For Mouse and Carrington, the reasons are simple. For Stillwater and Mari Badr they’re not. Even if one is not sexually attracted to someone, that doesn’t mean they might not have sex with them for any number of those ulterior reasons rather than a simple desire for pleasure or emotional intimacy. (This can be true for asexuals as well)
As for what those exact reasons are for the Designer Humans, well, you’ll have to see once the romances are completely finished, wouldn’t want to spoil them at this point. (still, I think it is appropriate to give this sort of meta explanation for it. Their reasons are varied and complex, and exploring them is a key part in their romances. But precisely because of that, I can’t really say too much at this point )
In general Designer Soldiers aren’t interested in romantic or sexual relations(at least officially). And yet they have biological sexes complete with functional genitalia. The conversation with Frederick Ambrose had a small talk about it(I think, unless that was one of the parts I didn’t include yet? Not totally sure and I don’t want to crawl through the entire conversation to recheck ).
Stillwater is more social and curious than the average Designer Soldier, and his interest on the matter is generally speaking higher as well(as is the case with many other subject matters too). More on that in his one night stand, but the full explanation will be reserved for the actual entire romance.
Any more information on Mari Badr is classified and top secret, and thus not available to the public.
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 10 days, in small parts.
Work resumes. At least I can more or less write stuff on my laptop. Hopefully there won’t be a problem with uploading any files, since this is a mac and I usually use a PC. Should be able to work a few hours tomorrow if things go as expected, and the following week(plus minus two days).
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 10 days, in small parts.
Decided to make the 2.0 version of the Mari Badr part. If people think it’s okay, I’ll use it as the “template” for the rest. Easier to grasp the necessary changes/parts if I do it, rather than doing the Stillwater version.
It’ll be ready tomorrow. (although I don’t have the time to check out the suggested examples from other works yet since it’d require a playthrough each, etc. Will probably have to wait until I get back at the very least, I’m guessing. Unless the 2.0 is deemed lacking, in which case I guess I’ll need to check them ASAP for reference)
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 9 days, in small parts.
Had less time to work than expected.
Supposedly I’ll have more free time tomorrow but we’ll see whether that’s true or not. So, maybe tomorrow, maybe not, depends on outside factors(and of course whether the writing goes well if I have the time).
My favorite character is Mari Badr, a top-of-the-line designer human raised solely to manipulate people to buy shitty overpriced products, and it really feels that way. When my character first met her it was apparent she did not have any morals, and casually threatened to liquidate my corrupt police buddies if they found some evidence that harmed the company in any way. Literally a reflection of the soulless corporate dystopia that made her.
The atmosphere in the game has a menacing undertone that screams “no one cares about you unless you can afford it”. Lackluster sex scenes but whatever, plot is good. The author also has daily updates which is a plus, keep up the good work man.
Thanks! Always nice to hear new people enjoying this.(and especially the details as to why they enjoy it)
As for the sex scenes, well, your timing is perfect since I’ll literally be enhancing the scene today, and posting it in the evening if I get it ready(my time, for reference it’s morningish now).
Feedback on why they’re(well, it’s only one for now) lackluster would be appreciated(although I’ve already had that, but more opinions won’t hurt). But even if you can’t put to words what exactly you might want, be sure to try it again once it’s posted and vote on the polls I’ll put up, so I can see if people think it’s better than the current version. Short version is: Won’t be too much more explicit, but will be more detailed so less “fade to black”.
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 8 days, in small parts.
Did a bunch of work, still a bit left. Currently there’s 3 variations of the sex scene: a) Fade to black, b) Detailed but not explicit, c) Detailed and more explicit. That should cover most options.(and of course each has their own variance, well maybe not the fade to black).
Next, I’ll rewrite parts of the gala/party scene(mostly to tighten the Mari Badr characterization back to “normal”), and expand the “romance” segments in it a bit(such as the balcony scene). Plus add a bit variation to the penthouse parts depending on what was said during the party.
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 7 days, in small parts.
Balcony parts done, as often is the case I dived a bit too deep on some of the conversation nodes and spent too much effort there. Good for those who go there, bad for those who choose other dialogue options. And also bad for overall progress, I guess.
Still need to rewrite the regular gala stuff, and work a bit on the penthouse stuff.
I’d love to say it’s done tomorrow, but perhaps not. Even though work proceeds smoothly, the time I have to write is a bit unpredictable.
Once this is done, expanding on the other 3 characters should be much easier since hopefully I’ll get them done on the first go with little rewrites and so on.
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 6 days, in small parts.
Practically no time to work today, just made a few notes.
Tomorrow and the day after are the opposite, supposedly I have plenty of time. I should expect to get the Mari Badr version done, as well as make good progress on the Stillwater one. Not totally sure about the weekend yet.
Deadline for current update: Varies. Within 5 days, in small parts.
Mari Badr rewrite essentially done. Will recheck it tomorrow to make sure I didn’t miss anything, and add a few minor things.
Word-count wise way, way longer than I ever intended for these one-night stands, but I should be able to use parts of that stuff for non-romantic talks too as long as I change some things here and there to make it contextually appropriate.
Depends on how I’ll do the gala scene in the end(how many people can the player talk with, and in what order? Logically the one night stand SHOULD be the final person talked to, but how to make sure that’s true, if I let the player talk to several characters? Anyway, problem for a much later time).
Deadline for current update: Varies. During this month, in small parts.
Was too tired to do the check-up and add the final things. Maybe tomorrow, depends on my schedule(which I don’t know yet, so…)
I did check the current guidelines for Hosted Games, etc. Seems like anything “normal” goes, so I don’t need to worry about explicit stuff affecting the game’s release, I think. However, I do need to make a separate thread in the Adult Readers parts of the forum, and any discussion regarding the sex scenes should be posted there(whether the implicit or explicit parts). I’ll do it once I post the update.
Also, it’s quite clear that I can’t get all the one night stands done in my original timetable, which means I’ll have to work during the holidays, whenever I can. Which is fine for me, but will be even more unpredictable than usual since whether I can work or not on a given day will be on a spur of the moment kind of deal(more suited for planning the details of the Major Update, honestly, but I’ll finish these first before moving to that).
Thus, I’ve changed the vague deadline to be more in line with that.
Deadline for current update: Varies. During this month, in small parts.
Alright, whew, should be less busy for the rest of the week now.
I’ll be pessimistic and say the day after tomorrow, since I do need to write a couple of minor things and then test it all out in practice. Also, just because I’m told it “should be less busy” for the rest of the week, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will. (although I doubt it’ll be as crazy as the last few days).
Anyway, soon. (I have to admit, I’m dreading the moment I post the rewrite up, since it has lots and lots of added stuff, and much of it is very new and strange for me to write and I had to research some stuff and consult some people on what to write etc, and there might be all kinds of biases in it, etc. I’ve done my best to segment the stuff so that you won’t run into anything you’d find distasteful, but it might not be perfect. More on all of this once I post the update)
Deadline for current update: Varies. During this month, in small parts.
Completed the minor parts I wanted to add and did some testing. I’ll need to either add some parts to certain variants, or see if I can combine them better, since it’s clear that some are more elaborate.
(obviously the “fade to black” option is far less involved, and the implicit version too, but some of the explicit variants are underrepresented. Anyway, probably not tomorrow. I want to do this properly since it’ll be the template for the other one night stands if all goes well, and if there’s stuff wrong with it it’ll be easier to know what’s good and what isn’t when it’s as “perfect” as possible)
Deadline for current update: Varies. During this month, in small parts.
Alright, since it’s currently hectic for me I’ll save myself the stress and only work on the update on Saturday, since I’ll be done with this stuff by then. Even better, my “holiday season”(aka time to spend time with relatives) starts next week, which makes the weekend completely free of any responsibilities, so I can focus on the update completely(presumably make good progress on the Stillwater version too).
Apologies for the usual “totes gonna be done tomorrow” tease of the past few days(or a week I guess? Geeze).
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