Man, one word, EPIC.
Combines all genres I love. Reminds me of Avatar: The last Airbender and Legend of Korra. Looking forward to it.
Made some adjustments with the tools you recommended. I hope it is better now. And you still can send me a PM if you find a major mistake. I am sorry if my level of skill ruined the experience for you. 
Seem good so far can’t wait for more
Seems like an awesome game so far can’t wait for more. 
New to the forum, finding my legs by trying out some of the lesser-seen WIPs. I played through yours twice and took notes while I did so, so here they are:
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I really like this intro; I was worried such a lore-intensive background would end up as a wall of text, but it
ends up being really descriptive, e.g. “dragons and fairies roam the green plains” -
Having mostly played the Choice Of and Hosted games, the use of “I” here rather than “you” was somewhat surprising (but I quickly got used to it)
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I’ve never been able to choose my handedness before! I like it
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In the “stay awake” branch of the story, I didn’t get to pick a name.
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I liked the wide branching of staying awake vs falling asleep, but there’s some important background information in one that’s not in the other (the ‘stay awake’ branch informs the player that their father left them, but while the ‘fall asleep’ branch features the father, it doesn’t mention this fact).
Finally, a word on the writing itself. Your English is much better than my French, but it’s still recognizably not your first language. For a project this big, having someone give you corrections via PM is not likely to be able to cover the whole thing. You might want to partner with a native English speaker, if possible. The universe you’ve created is really neat and I’m enjoying it so far
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Yeah. If it’s possible I really have to get a partner whose native language is English. 
About the missing information and being unable to pick a name:
I “promised” a playable demo on the first of January and was already late. So I just finished to a point where I thought the amount of text was sufficient to be called a demo. With the next update, you can choose a name and get the information in the other path. I thought it would be a bit awkward to have a string of thoughts about your father while you have a conversation with someone.
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I just finished content for one of the paths (Stranger) and looked at the amount of words (3~4k). So I thought maybe I should upload this part and you can enjoy it. But I originally planned to upload a new version when all paths come together again. So what I want to ask you is this:
- Update every time a certain amount of text is written.
- Update when the story reaches a certain point.
0 voters
Thanks again for the support. 
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Personally I prefer to see updates when there’s enough content to justify it.
I know how hard it is to wait as I’m not a very patient person myself and I know some people prefer something in shorter bursts than nothing at all for a long period of time… but its also kind of a bummer to get all excited about it and then realize its only 1-5k extra words. You can read that in like, what, 15 minutes? Its also annoying when you want to go down a specific path and can’t because it hasn’t been worked yet but the alternative has.
Yes, that is the reason I was asking.
It’s only for one path and I even think it will only take around 4-5 minutes to read since the part splits again in some smaller paths that already reunite. However, that means you won’t be able to read all the new lines in one go. Hence you would have to play to a certain point over and over again just to get a bit more content.
Update when you feel comfortable with the amount you have available.
Some of you probably know this short comic about becoming an adult. Where the guy leaves the house and then first a human shaped figure labeled responsibilities punches him in the face and then another labeled bills kicks him in the stomach. And he finishes the comic laying on the ground saying: “I waited years for this.”
So I almost about to finish “Path A” and without a reason I swapped files and saw the vast emptiness. That’s when I felt like “Path B” hit me in the face and I miss clicked when tried to retreat to “Path A” and met “Path C”. I guess you need no further explanation how that went. And now I am sitting here hoping all these gummi bears, chocolate, and unhealthy drinks will push me through this.
I just had the need to share this. Don’t worry I haven’t lost my enthusiasm to write this it just was a small punch right in the face. 
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Oh no! What program were you using to write? Sometimes you can claw back earlier versions from temp files…
Oh sorry if this was unclear but I didn’t lose any content. I split the paths into different files so I don’t have gigantic walls of texts. I only swapped to a different part where I hadn’t done any work on and was a bit depressed because I still had to do so much. And I am using notepad++ while for correcting the texts I use grammarly and LibreOffice.
But once I lost some but in Windows, if you rightclick a file and go into the properties there is an extra topic the reset files to older versions. I think it was about two or three days ago when I reset one file to the state of the 24th of December. Made a mistake while copying the files into another folder. But everything was fine after that.
2 Likes
Oh ok, sorry I misunderstood and thought you’d lost some files! I know that ‘ugh, I’ve still got to write how much?’ feeling though!
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Imo updating in very small parts is pointless, but updating with large chunks is problematic as well since it’ll be harder to catch all the typos and coding problems. Strive for a middle ground. Something between 5-10k words should be fine for an update and if it’s a single path (and people know it) that gets the update, then you’ll have many people playing it (since it’s the only new content), meaning all possible problems will be found out faster.
Happy bad news! 
I updated the game! However, I only updated one part. 
Also, I had some trouble with DashingDon. Some may know the problem where the files just won’t update. So if you have the same problem open a new private window or you have to empty your cache. Though I hope it just works fine for you people.
I would be really really really be grateful if this time around you could give me feedback on the level of detail to places, interactions, people and overall surroundings. Also if some choices shouldn’t be there or maybe a whole different choice should exist. I always feel like I write pretty awkward conversations. 
Also, a important update happened to the disclaimer! I added violence against children and mental health issues.
Furthermore, I added a new achievement that will stay for the time of development by the name of “Nothing new”. The player will be granted the achievement if his choice leads him to a part where no progress have been made since the last update. In the case of this update, this would be the path of staying awake and going to the stream. If you guys think it is unnecessary I will remove it again.
I don’t know how often people play through such a WIP that’s why I want to say that the choice of your little spirit (Water/Wind/Earth) has a significant impact on some characters.
To finish the post I want to explain myself. I asked you people what kind of progress you wanted and most of you wanted updates on major steps in the story. However, I will be pretty busy in the next few weeks and won’t make any major advancements. So I thought that I would at least give you something to enjoy until I find time to enrich the other path of the story. With all that said: Have fun and sorry for the cruel abuse of the English language.
P.S: Since I more or less “rushed” the update there a bound to be mistakes and coding errors so feel free to send me a private message and I will fix them as fast as possible. Also, I will have only two hours of sleep today. 
Edit: A like on a reply with an error should indicate that the error is fixed.
3 Likes
There some error when I choose long hair for girl mc and this:
- It was just a day where a father and his son spent time together
My mc is girl
And about the update,are we gonna see this stranger again?this is really intriguing and what happened to mc father?the mom condition really sad
And maybe it will better if you put the content warning at the topic it self for other reader to know☺.
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Got the following error:
stroll_2 line 422: bad label inhuttwo
I’m also feeling rather worried about the poor mother, as well as concerned for the fate of the father.
2 Likes
Are you referring to Bluechair webcomic by Shen? 'cuz it’s really his style xD
I just wanted to say, when I saw “Cursed Eyes” at dashingdon I was like “hmm… move along” since the game description isn’t that promising.
But now, after reading this thread, I take that “move along” words back. It’s quite promising story, despite some… uh… grammar nazi *cough* triggering *cough* stuffs. (actually it’s more of consistency than grammars)
Can’t wait for the next major update
Please don’t make trigger jokes. Or Nazi jokes, for matter.