I only do play throughs of this while i have snacks available or am eating… For obvious reasons
I play it when I’m hungry because I enjoy my own suffering.
The explanation for the Gloom was extremely verbose, but… well, that’s pretty much Ian’s central character trait. Marcus is a precious child and I am determined to give him food.
Odium seemed like a pretty straightforward shout-out to Metahuman Inc, but that’s the only one I’ve spotted so far. As for the horrible city-eating man made disaster called the Gloom… Gloomhaven? Probably not.
And Ian talks fast. Beware.
Dos his explanations make sense though or do they need to be rewritten?
Odium and The Gloom weren’t even meant as shoutouts XD. Whoops. I haven’t played Metahuman yet, always meant to though. Well, guess I know what to get next.
Anyone interested in a spoilery look at the potential ROs?
Read at your own risk
ROs (so far) for the parent MC
Valentine Patenaud, aka Heatstroke
(Female, Pansexual, panromantic)
Valentine is a very headstrong woman with a caring heart. She runs a food stand at the local station from morning to midday, where she puts her pyrokinetic (fire manipulation) powers to good use.
The general impression to get of Valentine is that she’s boisterous and caring, latter especially towards the new generation of masked individuals.
She’s part of the group that unmasked under The Agreement and has fought in The Gloom.
The latter left her with a limp… and a broken heart?
(Male, ???, panromatic)
Ian is regarded as the best historian in all of CoCi, a walking encyclopedia, and what in general might be called a gentle giant. Standing almost seven feet tall (all muscles), Ian is a gentle, curious and shy soul and would be soft spoken, if he wouldn’t tend to talk like a waterfall.
He’s easily alienated if he’s told to shut up, and might retreat in on himself for a while afterwards.
Spending most of his time at the libraries of the city (mainly that of The Agency) Ian got the reputation to feel more comfortable around books than around humans.
He is determined to uncover the secrets of The Gloom.
Lesley is a very blunt and outspoken person. An aspiring reporter at the Chronicler (and thus having a bit of friendly rivalry going on with Arthur Montgomery), they’re always hunting for a good story.
They are the epitome of the intrepid reporter, with all its setbacks, much to their dismay.
They seem to be looking for their very own hero to save their bacon from the fire.
(female/male (gender switches), Pansexual/???)
Your main rival at the cooking contest. Coming from one of CoCi’s oldest and richest families, they seem to be out for you for some unknown reasons, and will stop at nothing to win.
They are cold, distant and care only for themselves.
Or do they?
Super spoiler below
There will also be (at least) two secret ROs for the parent, and (at least) one secret RO for the kid, with their very own plotlines.
ROs (so far) for the kid MC
Francis Montgomery, aka Prestige
(male, pansexual (male leaning) panromantic)
Francis, in one word, is a douche. He’s rude, selfish and cares little for others, preferably surrounding himself with people who will boost his ego. Being the son of CoCi’s #1 powered couple (La Mode and Stormrider), with his mother being the current mayor he grew up in a world were your fame alone opened all kinds of doors for you, and he knows that.
As Prestige he is gallant though a bit rakish, and much less full of himself.
Now, which is the mask and which isn’t?
In either case, both sides of him have a rivalry going on with Marcus.
Marcus Hayes aka SnapShot
(male, pan (male leaning) panromantic)
Live has not been kind to Marcus. Those that know him and Francis will easily say Marcus got all the misfortune for each piece of Francis’ luck in life. In general people would say Marcus is the opposite of Francis.
He’s kind, upbeat, and caring, in and out of costume. and will fight tooth and nail to protect those dear to him. Major downside many see in him is his tendency to pepper his speech with physically painful puns, again in and out of costume.
He’s living with his mother, former hero Butterfly, in the poorest district of town, caring greatly for her since the sudden disappearance of his father ten years ago sent her into a nervous breakdown and depression.
Marcus is convinced his father had been non other than CoCi’s top hero Eclipse, who also went missing ten years ago.
Trudie Doherty aka Starlight
(female, pan (female leaning) panromantic)
Trudie is an orphan living with her elderly foster mom and Fluff, a tiny schfapudel. Trudie is notoriously shy and insecure, deeming herself to have completely lost the power lottery, but nevertheless aims to become a hero people can look up to. Can show a lot of bravado when ‘on the job’ or excited or angry (really angry) about something, but it usually fades too quickly once she starts second guessing herself.
Tends to break into tears very easily due to the insecurities.
Izzy Bishop aka Ace Of Spades
(genderfluid, asexual, panromantic)
Izzy is a rather snarky terrakinetic (earth and mineral manipulation) and one of Marcus’ oldest friends. They tend to be rather pessimistic in their outlook, but try their best to take the possibility of something good happening into account (mostly on behalf of Trudie, who they hold very dear). Their codename is 150% courtesy of Marcus.
More Super Spoilers(I just realized what a horrible pun that is...)
I am working on a system that will allow the player to hook up some potential ROs with each other when playing as the kid
I’m really enjoying this so far, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing updates. It’s an intriguing setup. I like the way you have the reader shape the kid’s decisions while still maintaining the perspective of the parent.
I get that the walls of exposition from Ian are a reflection of his character, but, wow, those are really big walls of exposition all at once. It seems like some (all?) of it is important information, and it’s really hard to take it all in when it’s delivered in such a concentrated dose, not to mention stopping the narrative momentum. You may want to consider finding ways to break that up into smaller doses so the reader actually gets it. Could the Gloom exposition come up later, on its own, for example? It feels particularly important, but putting it last means coming to a reader already overwhelmed with information. If any of that info is stuff that informs your thinking about the place but that the reader doesn’t really have to know all the details of to get the story, there may be a way to give a paragraph or so to give a taste of Ian’s style, then summarize the rest.
One question about the world-building you set up in that section. You say that there’s one of these cities for each continent- does that mean that Cornucopia City draws people from all over North America, including Mexico and Central America? Or is it just the US and maybe Canada? It would make a big difference for the culture and demographics of the place.
I was indeed thinking about reworking Ian’s explanations, especially the one about The Gloom.
It would be more effective, I think, if he’d keep everything short and matter-of-factly there, wouldn’t it?
(Also, I will change the bit there to have the question only pop up if you have a certain Curios score)
As far as it has been found Cornucopia has been the destination for people from all across the North and (bits of) Central americas majorly. The archives, however, do contain evidence that people from other areas wound up there. Likewise people from North america have apparently found their way to cities on other continents.
And then there’s the whole question of alternate realities.
As said, I was already thinking of changing it.
The new bit would look like this:
“That over there,” Ian begins, pointing at the dome, "is what we call The Gloom."
You can feel how unwell Ian is talking about it. And you share his sentiments. The sight alone’s giving you the creeps. Ian takes a deep breath, words nearly failing him.
“Ten years ago, the villain known as Odium appeared in the city, gathering villains and heroes alike around them, not all of them willingly. They took that entire area there as their fortress. The Gloom. The world inside it is… wrong. No one knows how they achieved that, but we can guess why.” Ian looks at you. "I take it you are familiar with the idea of magical artifacts? Maybe even just from fiction? The warehouse in Indiana Jones, or Warehouse 13?"
Ian does the same.
"That area houses one of two such warehouses in Cornucopia. Thankfully Odium never managed to gain access there. Their reign lasted two dark years, and then… Nightfall happened. Many people, powered and regular alike lost their lives. Almost as many went missing.
When the dust settled, heroes and villains gathered together, all still shaken by what had happened, and we came to an agreement. The Agreement. Many of the heroes and villains back then; La Mode, Stormrider, Nightsky, Berserker, Heatstroke, Madame Tarantula, DemoLasher, just to name a few; publicly unmasked, a sign of trust. Not everyone was fine with that idea and some even fled -into- The Gloom. But the others agreed that nothing in the world is worth a second Odium, a second Gloom."
Ian falls silent and gazes grimly into the distance.
"The Gloom is a memorial for coming generations."
You gaze across the city at the dark mass, digesting the information.
What do you folks think?
(Also, I only now realized I mixed up a Codename with the name for the all-out-battle Dx )
Much more concise and digestible. Gives hints to Odium and the rest of the Unmasked Generation (the Open Identities? The Trustees?) without spilling all the beans.
I like those names. May I use one?
Also, as for names:
Feel free to throw in some hero/villain names if you like folks
As for super names, I have a few, ranging from Bronze Age subdued to Silver Age silliness:
Red Queen and King Crimson (I envisioned a brother/sister pair here)
Also, quick update:
Altered the scene for Ian’s explanation about the Gloom. It’s shorter now. Also it requires at least 55% curious if you have not asked anything else.
The rewritten version is definitely an improvement. Looking forward to seeing more of the story and the world you’re creating.
I’m loving the WIP.
- Why do I have to keep carrying my luggage even after I go to the hotel?
- Too bad I can not reprimand my child for what he did at the hotel. It was dangerous! The woman could have superpowers and the idea of the vase could have failed and he would be in great danger! I wish I had more overprotective options, after all the child is all I have.
- Small bug: while other’s say he went and became…,". *line_break Ian trails off
- Cause I’m a doofus and missed a line while copypasting a reoccuring sentence. I’ll fix that xD
- I’ll add an option in later builds that might also factor into something unrelated
- Oh ffs. Noted. Will fix it with the next update. Thank you
I made a collage/moodboard for Starlight and now I have been instructed to post it here so here we go
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Just want to thank you. For all the little ‘easter eggs’ I’ve spotted so far. Like Bielefeld and the wardrobe-guy!
How about their food?
How do you mean?