You had given her a brief rundown of what Ian had told you
Says her when I had a son
You had given her a brief rundown of what Ian had told you
Says her when I had a son
Fixed. thanks
Now if youâll excuse me, I need to introduce ChimeransâŠ
Mr. Chimeran this is Miss. Chimeran
Chimerans shake hands
That was fun, who else can we introduce?
Oh shush XD
but yeah, currently pondering if I should go back and introduce Chimerans earlier or if I wing it (hah!)
Chimerans are Powered Individual with non-human features and appearances, ranging from animals, over machines to living shadows and plants
EDIT: have a spoiler:
But now you are here, the heart of Cornucopia rising before you.
Correction: Hearts.
Because right next to it a much more modern building-complex rises, a sign in the shape of a butterfly proclaiming the spiraling tower of glass and steel to be APORIAâs headquarters.
You pause a moment as you spy the girl in pastels enter The Agency together with someone her age sporting an impressive set of impala-horns and hooves, before you head up the stairs into CoCiâs City Hall.
âThatâŠ,â you begin as you step into the grand entrance hall, âis the kind of staircase Cinderella loses shoes on.â
It could be.
The entrance hall is done in a light tawny marble, a giant staircase of black stone before you leading up to a landing from which various staircases lead further onto the long gallery on the upper floor.
You have the feeling to be rather standing inside a cathedral than a City Hall.
Sunlight shines in through various large windows, and the air is filled with the sound of people walking around on the dark stone floor.
Itâs a great hotchpotch of faces, and not all are human.
Like the one of the woman behind the front desk.
Long, black-and-white striped hair that you suspect to be actual quills, if her porcupine-like face is anything to go by. Currently sheâs painting her more human-like nails neon pink.
âGood morning,â she greets as you step up to the desk. âHow can I help you?â
âGood morning. This might sound weird, but someone bought me a house in the city, but apparently withheld a couple of keys. Iâve been told to come here.â
The receptionist nods curtly and looks at her computer. âDo you have a form of ID with you?â
âOh, yesâŠâ you hand over your ID (one of the positive aspects of moving to a new city will easily be getting a new one and hopefully a decent picture this time round) and the receptionist checks her files.
Honestly Iâd frequent such a cafe if only for the name.
Yea I might just visit it at least once.
Itâd be a great conversation starter, you can even trick them into paying when their in their half-comatose state. ''Hey! Wanna go to ââI Could Not Think of a Good Name So I Went With This Instead Which Was Probably Not the Best Idea I Ever Had To Be Honest As It Probably Wonât Make For a Very Good Sign Seeing As It Would Need To Be So Many Characters On It That It Would Be Really Difficult To Read It From Anywhere Other Than Really Close Upââ, your treat! ââ
Iâm not going to lie I gave up trying to read the name after the first 8 words
Today on Why did no one tell me:
I just found thereâs an actual actor named Iain Rattray. Whoops.
Should I change the name?
You mustâve chose that name for a reason, right? Either having a fitting meaning or it being cool, I say you should keep it, unless theres some issue mentioning real life people or whatever. Unless, you find another adorkable name for our resident gibbering genius, to which is also fine and would most likely support.
I will probably keep the name. Maybe make a reference somewhere along the lines.
On an unrelated note: Poor Francis looks down at text
Alrighty this is really something,
Quite good jokes, i never thought to find the Bielefeld joke, and before that hit shappens, this was hilarious, there is one minor mistake, when the mc asks marcus âis everything allrightâ it ends with a â.â instead of a â?â otherwise there is nothing else
Youâve cat to be kitten me, is that the best you could fish out?
Quick heads up:
I decided to completely overhaul what I have so far.
Donât worry, the story will stay what it is, but:
See you when itâs done.
EDIT:
Iâd like to ask people for feedback here though. As I am going over everything weâve seen so far, are there bits and pieces you think ought be be changed completely? Get fleshed out?
I keep seeing random checks when I visit and explore the Cafe: Like RANDOM-Check: kitchen 0, living 0, bed 0, bath 0 or simply just 3:3.
Also, I suggest looking over the scene with your rival, it lacks⊠depth? And by depth, I mean a single parentâs wrath. For an adult screaming match I mean, take this all with a grain of salt, but:
I donât think ââHold stillââ is the appropriate choice of words to use here, since heâs just nagging and being a complete prat. Maybe something âââŠshut up and mind your own business!ââ ?
Iâm not sure if the MCâs trying to emphasize the second ââsoââ or if itâs a typo.
Also, maybe itâs just a me thing, but thereâs a lack of contractions in this one skit that kind of takes me out of the scene, since everything my character was semi-formal english. The lack of contraction makes it that when I read it, it alternates between aggressive, to passive-aggressive at a drop of a hat.
Those are my 2 cents for now, Iâll try to give more feedback nextime.
As for the random check thing. That is more of a test-mechanic as i need to see that the results carry over proper to where they are needed. It will be removed once im certain it does.
The âhold stillâ refered to haggerty berating the hairdresser working on them for having stopped to do so (because they wonât risk injuring them while they are flailing around)
But I get what you mean about the tone. Iâll see about that.
Alright. Got the train and stationplaza scene overhauled and ran into a dilemma:
Iâd like to make Sugarcoat a more reoccuring character, possible RO? but as sheâs muslim I am worried of messing up majorly.
Opinion? Suggestions?
The only suggestion I would make is to reach out to someone that is a Muslim that could help you explore romance with the character, making it⊠Well realistic, for a lack of a better term?