Heartstrings are being pulled left and right, I can’t take it anymore, I would honestly chuck money at you to play the Kiddies sections over and over for the teen angst and romance that I so desire.
Nope, nope, nope, not reading.
Much rather have a surprise later.
why francis such sweetie its hard to hate him now
Well, that’s it.
I know now who my heart belongs to ;-;
Should the kid find someone special and be happy while we remain single with the memories of our dead husband, giving advice to our child to cherish those moments and be happy?
@MeltingPenguins assuming that both MCs stories are connected, we were called to this city because we have powers and they want to use us for…something… I can’t really tell much right now xD
There was no top secret Janus project going on, who ever spilled the beans was obviously lying.
Wow, I just played this once and I’m hooked. This plotline is interesting and I gotta admit I’m kinda excited that we get play as a parent. Not a lot of games have a parent as the MC.
Okay, I think I fixed things now.
At least when you enter the café via the backdoor.
Please test that path?
Hmmm… Do you have plan to allow the Main Character to achieve Michelin Star status for the Cafe?
I notice there are several objectives on how we are going to run the cafe… like Maintain good reputation, serve good food, provide good customer service etc, are we looking to achieve some sort of achievement like obtaining the Michelin Star status ?
one possible goal is winning the cooking contest show. No plans for stars though
Just tested it, and it seemed to work fine for me. I was able to see everything and did get the kitchen interaction.
As I played through, I noted a bunch of minor errors and typos. Would they be useful to you?
Every bit helps.
I found a few indent errors in my own tests. Will fix them later the day
All right, then. Here are the ones I noticed. I assume that you will be able to find them with a search function, since there are no page numbers to specify where they are. I did the museum branch, by the way, but not the other two on this playthrough. My comments in brackets:
And Covering Cornucopia, which couldn’t be a piece yellow press anymore obviously. [Very confusing; I’m not sure what that’s saying]
Offering an array of baked and grilled goods alongside salads and soups from seemingly all across the world, and manned by a rather small, slightly pudgy woman about your age with short black hair with the tips dyed fire-engine red. [Not a complete sentence; should be either “it offers an array” or “it’s manned by a”]
Same page, there’s no clear set-up phrase for the choices. Perhaps, “You’re interested in…”?
It might had been just the flame from the stove going up for a moment, but somehow you don’t feel too certain. [Had should be have]
Your eyes are fixed on the couple and the property damage they are causing. [“Couple” on its own normally refers to people in a romantic relationship. “Pair” would work.]
That, however, leads to you thinking about what lead up to it, and you can’t suppress a small wince. [Lead should be led]
Well, they’re big enough a bunch of asshole, but this is too absurd to be what’s going on." [Note that I picked that ex-spouse’s family were the bad ones. Needs to read “bunch of assholes.”]
If that box turns up empty and them being behind it, I’m calling Aunt Gloria and apologize to her. [Should read “and they’re behind it” and “calling Aunt Gloria and apologizing to her” or “I’ll call Aunt Gloria and apologize to her.”]
Marcel makes a face as if he just witnessed you chucking a whole gallon of coleslaw juice [I think you mean chugging- chucking means throwing.]
It’s the ‘If I’d have friends’-tone. [I think “If I had friends” would read better]
Or at least build in that style to fit with other such buildings around you. [Build should be built]
Also, taking pictures is permitted, as long as no flashlight is used. [Flash, not flashlight, in this context.]
You want to take this slow, seeing you have time to spent. [Spent should be spend].
Standing there is a young man (the next new face about Marcel’s age) with a mob of black hair, sporting a shirt of the same color declaring that ‘Hit Shappens’ gazing up at the whale with a broad grin. [Mob should be mop. Now for some pedantry that you can freely ignore, since there’s only one reading that actually makes sense. You have a pileup of modifiers here that potentially makes it read like it’s the shirt that’s gazing and the whale that has the broad grin.]
Paintings, sculptures, photographies, a wide array of mediums, from all around the globe. [Should be photographs, not photographies. There are a couple subsequent places with the same error. Technically, it should be media, not mediums, though that’s being very pedantic.]
Coming from a spanish treasure galleon, far off its likely course, it’s likely the piece has originated in central america, but till this day all research into the statuette’s origins remains fruitless. [Spanish and Central America should be capitalized. Speaking of capitalization, you’re quite inconsistent in whether or not you capitalize cafe. I’d argue for not capitalizing it except in Timeless Cafe.]
You feel very worried for the little kid who had been peacefully drawing and is now hiding frightened behind the legs of and elderly woman, maybe their grandmother. [“and elderly woman” should be “an elderly woman.” I’d also write “hiding, frightened, behind the legs…”]
The little kid starts wailing, the guard and the guide are being taken care off, and you find yourself taking a closer look at the young hero. [off should be of]
This is getting long. I’ll add more in another post.
Thanks. I might not be able to fix everything in one go. But i shall see to it
And Francis broke my phone, and I ought to call my mum before she see’s the news, and… [no apostrophe in sees]
Marcel is sitting with your luggage on a bench nearby, while you get in one of the lines on the counters. [on the counters should probably be for the counters.]
It could virtually be everything [I’d say “It could be virtually anything” would read better]
Well, not everything, they usually are remotely small, but… [remotely doesn’t work here- maybe fairly or relatively?]
Inside the envelope is a deed of ownership for a house in the city and the Café in the same building. On your name. [On your name should be In your name.]
I mean, you could as well turn it into a bar, though maybe not with the layout, as hat lends itself more to a café, but I do not want to tell you what to make with it. [hat should be that. As well should probably be also.]
“I bite. Tell me.” [I’ll bite]
“Is it to complicated for you?” [To should be too]
I’m a very busy man and you are not getting payed for standing around. [Payed should be paid]
Is where my old man proposed. [Is should be It’s]
You had given her a brief rundown of what Ian had told you (and what you understood of it). [My child is male, so the pronoun didn’t change.]
Marcus wishes your farewell and good luck, and heads back to his job. [Your should be you]
having a great reputation to attract costumers." [Costumers should be customers]
Marcel gives a roaring laughter, and you step out of the alley onto an old cobblestone street. [Laughter should be laugh]
The road and sidewalk go around the building to your left is another small ally, this one mostly occupied by what you guess is a garage accessible from the back, and otherwise warded off with a pollard. [Ally should be alley. Pollard should be bollard. There needs to be a period after building.]
You peak around. [Peak should be peek]
To your left the stairs head to the next floor, and to your right a door lead to what you guess is the private kitchen [lead should be leads]
Ahead you can see two door [door should be doors]
The door creeks open to reveal a cozy little kitchen [Creeks should be creaks]
A window is overlooking the intermediate landing [“A window overlooks” would read better]
You frown as you safe it the last moment. [Safe should be save]
There’s not electronics aside from the lamps right now, but the large couch and the matching coffee table to the right table speak volumes [There are no electronics. Also, I’m confused about what the couch and coffee table speak volumes about]
It’s a almost square room with reddish stucco on the walls [a should be an]
You lay an arm around Him and head back to the bus stop [Him shouldn’t be capitalized]
One last bit of pedantry. One of your stats is “disinterested.” This is one of those words that many sticklers will insist is misused- they’ll say that disinterested means “not having a stake in.” So, you’d use it for an impartial adjudicator- the dispute was solved by a disinterested mediator. And that the proper word here would be “uninterested.” Increasingly, people are using disinterested to mean uninterested, and I wouldn’t be surprised if dictionaries are starting to list that as a meaning. So I’d say you’re perfectly justified in leaving it alone if you’d prefer.
As you can see, I just added a whole lot more. No hurry on these things- none actually affect the readability or workability of the story. Overall, the writing style and voice are great and the very conversational tone of the writing is really engaging- it works well with the way you have the reader “talk back” to the narrator, which I love. These are just minor bits of polish, most of which I only noticed because I was specifically keeping an eye out for errors on this readthrough.
Brace yourself, there will be more Dx english’s not my first language
Alright, gonna run some testruns with the new stuff later and hopefully I’ll be able to update the game with its new sub_scenes by the weekend.
Also, feel free to suggest some names for the cafe, people.
Not sure of you know this already but after i explored ground floor first and pick option to leave checking for tommorow i get this
And for option "i checked everything " i got this
These have been fixed in the file and will be uploaded with the coming update on (hopefully) friday.
Also, prepare yourself for a blast from the past, and a bit of Montgomery-family goodness…
Here my children
- Espresso Impresso
- Beans n’ Treats Cafè
- (MC name)'s Coffee Palace (maybe even name it after our child)
- Central Perk (FRIENDS reference)
- Magnolia Cafè
- Coco Choco
- Tranquillity Lane Cafè (FALLOUT Reference, although not really a cafe but I like the name)
- Ivory Cottage Café
- Misty Blues Cafè
- Hidden Oasis Cafè