On instances such as this, I think it is far from taking away their free will. What I think the author is going for is that the MC is now very alluring(probably to their own dismay?). Similar to Bo(& all the succubi) in the show Lost Girl.
I LOVE the world building you’ve done so far. The demo scene where the MC’s mother is dying almost had me in tears. Key word is “almost”. If you want maximum impact, give mom a secret. Just as she’s midway in the reveal her heart stops. Maybe mom was going to tell them who their father was? Or maybe that you were adopted or taken for your own safety as a child bc you were a target to others? (What could she have wanted to tell you?!- perhaps you’re a demi god and your father was a god. GASP or was it about those men who attack her that one time and lead to her sickness and death?! Ooo). The dying after her final words thing is cliché and doesn’t leave any mystery.
In addition, I’ve only seen what you have shared in the demo. Throwing the reader into the heat that quick is not wise. It’s SO common and a huge nono. Like, for example: videogames that kill characters off the bat without any knowledge or emotional attachment. It’s a “well, okay moving on” when it should be a “it’s 2am and I’m upset over a character” In contrast, LIS’s ending and certain unavoidable character’s deaths destroyed me. I cried the entire final episode, and continued crying aggressively on the living room floor for an easy two hours, then proceeded to cry for another hour in my room.THEN I went downstairs to cry through an entire explanation of the game to my father who was deeply concerned. I still cry over the ending and it’s been 1 1/2 years. I can’t even listen to 'The Sense of Me" after that episode because I will cry. And I’m not exaggerating. Obviously you don’t need that strong of a connection so early but that is a an example what emotional investment can do. You should develop the relationship with MC and their mother before her death. Get the reader fond of her, or the reader won’t care, and then smash their heart into goo. That way the death that is supposed to be monumental to the MC is explicitly explained and thus allows a bit of character development, and a better grasp of the world.
Lastly, start w something strong. Eye popping!! Maybe a joke. In the current time maybe the MC is being chased down the road in the nude by a bunch of mimes and oh boy that’s a long story(mom warned you about this!). The first few paragraphs should yank the reader by the lapels and suck them in.
I’m in no way a professional!! I just like writing. If I sound rude I don’t mean to, but I come off that way sometimes. I’m just putting my grain of salt in. Can’t wait for the finished project one day. (°∀°)b
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Oh no please don’t If I have to suffer more mom sugary drama I will suicide via boring. 
I mean maybe give people like me a choice …
I DON’T CARE HER I DON’T CARE I HATE HER. LET’S skip to game shall we?
I just can’t deal with force melodrama is a totally off for me.
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Yes!!! That too!!! Maybe MC’s mother was a prick and is completely despised in another possibility!!
Oh !! N that would work nicely aaa. Maybe you snooped around and found cryptic letters or smth and you confront your mother as she’s passing. She still doesn’t finish though and the MC is disappointed with her once again?
I just have several problems to accept forced love for characters. like YOU LOVE Y IS YOUR FOREVER CRUSH then descriptive paragraph of everything I found repellent in a men.
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I second this~ 
Needs more emotional impact to really draw the reader in 
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Where is the emotional impact? I swear I can’t see it. I only see a forced bonding scene with a generic npc I have no idea about her personality. To cause emotional impact needs time and or forced choices. Nor are good for the starting of a Cog.
Writting is good flow is good. Emotional connection in my case is below zero. I had to summon my strength to read the emotional stuff
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No not rude at all this is my first book so all feedback is appreciated i will take what you said in mind and do some editing to the scene
Lol Nessa has joined the team to tripple team me 
In all honesty i will take what you guys have said to heart and make changes.
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Ok i will try to add in a choice to avoid it. What sort of option would you be more intrested to see?
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What I will like is you asking me my relationship between mom and me.
So I could select different stuff
1- I don’t have good relationship with her She abandoned me ad child.
2-I don’t know she was never there for me. She was always out of home.
3-My mom is all I have!
And then do the scene… put a scene like remember some details of our chilhood … based I the choice. Just few lines that add a lot of depth. 1 Like us I a orphanage .2We alone waiting return home … And 3 we with mom playing or something like that.
Then if I hate mom just let me abandon her. I mean that woild make scene better more organic. Of course add a little bit of I am with you but I don’t like you to the scene. Those small choices and flavor text helps a lot to bond with our character and reolay value
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Ok can do i will get to work on that right away
How is your game going?
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Don’t worry, I still luv ya 
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Awww same 
I take very well to critcism anyway so you don’t have much to worry about
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Agreed. Perhaps the forever crush would be customizable. Like w bm in heroes rise?
Good idea and when will your next update?
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I love your idea!! That would be a really good way to establish the story!
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Currently rewriting the scene based on feedback recently given almost done with a infomative prologe to go with it i will probably update sunday depending on how much time i have to work on this project.
Please don’t ask for release dates. It puts unnecessary pressure on authors and is therefore against the forum rules.
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