Crush Problems!


#1

If you read my latest post in the Kingdom’s thread, then you know that I’m feeling a huge crush right now.

Just wanted to ask you people;

  1. Have you crushed on someone you barely know?
  2. Do you often dream about your crush?
  3. Any solution to forgetting a crush?
  4. Like, seriously. I need to get over this crush.
  5. What are the positive and negative effects of having a crush?

#2

1-4: Sorry, bud, I’ve never had a crush. If I had to suggest something to help ya, I’d say to be very busy so that you don’t have idle time to think about them maybe?
5: I mean, some would argue it gives meaning to life to love someone else, but I don’t completely buy into that idea. Negatives though, there are a LOT. You are not as focused and therefore usually perform worse at school and on the job. Less time to think about other things. You usually develop tunnel vision and don’t see other things when your crush is in the vicinity. Just a lot of bad stuff, if you can think of any positives, please share em.


#3

I’ll insert an obligatory palmface, first.
:neutral_face: :expressionless:


Yes. In fact, I’ve had 2 crushes before. But nope, never to the point until I dream about them every night (in fact, I dreamed of an other girl who is barely took my interest).

But knowing me, I just let it pass. Yep, I even stared to the person I’m having crush with for every class, but I always consider it “just for fun”. Just to keep my mood on top condition.

“Don’t take it seriously,” as my president always said.


#4

Just gonna say it. “DON’T GET A CRUSH”

Why? It always backfire and yknow… if you don’t have any kind of reputation. No love. :frowning: . Or at least that’s what I know.

I think I have a bad life…


#5

I tend to have many crushes, both to men and women, and I never had any crush problems before.

I would forget about them and move on with my life… except for this one.


#6

it only ends when you find and start another love.but i advice you to take three months before that.


#7

How about 2 months and 29 days?


#8
  1. I have, yeah. Normally once I get to know them, it fades though. Part of getting over a crush is trying to let who they really are override the idea you have of who they are.
  2. Rarely, but only about someone I have known very well.
  3. There are a few ways to get over someone:
  • Try to separate your idea of them and the reality of them. Focus on the aspects of them that can contradict your idealized vision of them, and use that to remember that they are not really the person you think they may be.
  • Force yourself to separate from them, emotionally and physically. If they enter your thoughts, forcibly think of something else. Anything else. Don’t cut them out of your life, but do try to reduce the amount of one on one time you have together until the feelings fade.
  • Focus on other hobbies rather than them.
  • Try to pursue people that you have more of a chance to successfully be with. Move those feelings onto someone who can actually be in your life.
  • Don’t allow yourself to hang onto their every action or word as a sign.
  1. If your goal is to get over someone, I’m not sure it’s smart to focus on the positives of a crush. But remember there’s a reason it’s called a crush. They can end up with someone getting hurt, or, well, crushed.

#9

its only an advice why must you be so mean to me?..


#10

Sorry :face_with_hand_over_mouth:. Was just teasing ya’.


#11

you know what.i never let my heart fall in love.
have total control over it makes it better yaa.


#13

I tended to get crushes a lot throughout college, so I have, well, a lot of data points, at least :sweat_smile:

I did have a significant amount of crushes on guys I didn’t really know, that were fairly hormonal, I guess. I had a smaller number of more intense crushes on guys who I knew better. I usually found that although I could still get quite intense emotions and feelings, if it was someone I didn’t know so well, the feelings at least would tend not to last as much.

There can definitely be a bit of an idealization thing that happens… like, when it was someone who I did get to know a little, I’d start feeling like everything I’d like about him meant this was perfect and the one. But that was really just the crush speaking. One generally would need to get to know someone more closely to really have a better idea about compatibility and so forth. I do, however, know that just hearing that “there will be other chances, and don’t invest too much in someone you only know a little bit” doesn’t necessarily change the core emotions… it mostly just changes the way I would think about it. It can be pretty hard to really influence the feelings themselves.

As far as forgetting, I generally found that really the best solution was time. I know it would be nice to be able to hear a quick easy fix (I’d certainly wished for those plenty of times) but if you just think of it this way… if you give it the chance, time can soothe these feelings and you’ll be able to look at them more calmly again. It may be difficult now but you can get through it, and gain a closer understanding of your own emotions on the other end.

Where it comes to positives, I do think that a crush, regardless of whether it leads anywhere, can provide benefits as well. You are a writer, and anything that you feel gives you material to draw on for inspiration, to express feelings in words, to draw on emotions that can pour out in your work, reflected in whatever manner best suits your work. Feeling powerful emotions is also a learning experience about yourself, and people in general, for you can become better in tune with your own feelings, and with experiences common to many people. It can give an understanding that will deepen your creative work, raw material for expressing yourself and for relating to and connecting with other people.

As far as advice, I’ll just say, do take care of yourself :hugs: see what your emotional needs are, because you don’t need to put yourself in situations that might cause more distress. Go with what makes you feel comfortable! And I wish you best of luck with everything :slight_smile:


#14
  1. I had a crush a person I’d just met at a convention one time when I was in high school. I asked for their tumblr and we talked to each other there a lot and, since they didn’t like me back, they started dating someone else. I got all passive aggressive because I was young and stupid and a huge jerk at the time, plus it really didn’t help that I’d put them up on a pedestal at the time, and the apology was really long overdue. We did make up eventually and I’m still fb friends/social media mutuals with them, but it’s been a long time since all that went down and we don’t have any shared interests anymore so I don’t exactly talk to them a whole lot anymore. I learned from the whole experience and we’re cool now, but I honestly really regret that entire experience and if I could go back in time about five years or so, I’d punt my younger self into space for all of that

Second guy was years after that and it was a guy I was mutuals with on social media. I talked to him for a while and eventually confessed my feelings for him, but got rejected because he was already interested in someone who liked him back. Coincidentally, the person he liked asked him out like almost immediately after that happened, which really sucked for me, but at least I learned and didn’t repeat what happened last time. We’ve both been really busy with school stuff so we haven’t really talked as much, but we’re still friends and talk every once in a while

Third guy is the new current one and I don’t know if he really counts for your question? I knew him for a while before, but he’s like just barely over the line between “acquaintance” and friend. We go to the same school and he’s also friends with a lot of my friends. I really don’t know what to do about all this since this is the last week of the semester and then my winter break is a month long and I’ve wanted to ask my friends from school on what to do about this, but since it’s finals week, barely anyone is online and everyone who is has their status set to “busy”. I’m procrastinating right now because he’s one of the people online but busy and that got me thinking about him and distracted and now I’m procrastinating

  1. I never really remember my dreams, so I wouldn’t really know? If you’re talking more in a day-dreaming sense, then it’s way more than is necessary and I don’t have the time to put up with this

  2. Time and distance. Or. Cause a whole lot of drama when you know you’re in the wrong and then you’ll be too busy being consumed by guilt to have a crush on anyone (not recommended)

Though, with the first person, I was more in love with the idealized version of them in my head than anything, so I got over them pretty quickly after all that mess happened

With the second, I took a lot of time getting to know him because I didn’t want to repeat my previous mistakes and I was genuinely attracted to him as a person and, even though he didn’t return my feelings in the romantic sense, I wanted to stay friends and continue talking to him so it took forever for me to get over him. I considered myself “officially” over him maybe about half a year afterwards, more or less, but there were still a few lingering feelings up until I realized I’d developed a crush on someone else

  1. Pros: :man_shrugging:
    Cons: Made me stay up past three in the morning finishing one of my final projects when I had at bus to catch at 7 because I was too distracted earlier in the day to get any real work done and eventually I was running on nothing but the pure terror of the possibility of failing (I already got feedback for that project and my professor said the end result was really good and showed a lot of progress from when I started though)

#16
  1. I crushed on one person. I’d known them for six months, but I apparently didn’t know them well enough – or myself. Once the crush wore away, I found out there was no romantic attraction underneath it, and it caused me to go through a long and honestly painful period of self-examination.
  2. No.
  3. They call it a crush for a reason. The more you think about it, the more it crushes you in its grip. Try not to think about it. I know that’s as useful as “don’t think about pink elephants” but sometimes there is nothing really useful to do.
  4. That said, actually getting to know the object of your infatuation is another method. A crush develops due to some feeling of idealization, and goes away when we realize the person we are idealizing is not a far-off concept, but a person.
  5. A crush is a driving force. While it will try to drive you in one direction, you can harness the energy you get from it to any end you feel like, if you can handle it. It can quite easily drive you towards a path you would never take in a more rational mindset, for better or worse.

#17

Tried studying, her face keeps popping in my mind. Tried making my stories, no avail. Tried chatting to my friends, still mo effect.

I do, but I don’t see a future between us.

I saw her pic and my heart just went on a journey.


Furthermore, I’ve been crushing on her for 6 days and my infatuation keeps getting worse as each day passes.


#19

Q3-5. Remember love is a drug? :smile: (cue music addicted to love)

(No seriously, all those little hormones being triggered. Messes with your brain chemistry. Just keep repeating “it’s just oxytocin.” Yeah I know I’m not being very romantic but you did say you didn’t know them well.)


#20

Believe me. I feel like a hypocrite after saying that “love is foolish.” But then again, this is just a crush.

Saw a pic of her;
Day 1: I want to be her friend.
Day 2: Had a dream of her.
Day 3: Had a dream again…
Day 4: What’s happening to me…
Day 5: I’m going crazy.
Day 6: (at the present)


And I don’t like this kind of crush. It messes with my head and I can’t write on any of my stories.


#21

Okay…This may be hardly appropriate… But, while taking notes on your situation, I read this…And I seriously wanna give you a hug even though I don’t like huuuuuugssssss Aaaaahhhhhhh Anyway, i’m going back to notetaking. :neutral_face: (Don’t know why I felt like saying this…)


#22

I appreciate the thought, but I too don’t like to hug random people. :sweat_smile:


#23
  1. Hmm… i only have crush for stuff and fictional character :thinking:
  2. Yes… :slight_smile:
  3. and 4. My solution is just wait. if you wait long enough you start to wavering and forget about your crush :wink:
  4. For the positive side, it can reduce some stress. For the negative side; it can cause some distraction while you’re working :smile: