@Thespianbroney, Is that based on someone? I actually kind of like it.
@everyone, if you have a ‘real’ name you like for Crook, DG, Uni, Stunner, Origami, Mob or Stoic, please PM me with suggestions. That way we won’t clog up the thread with lots of short “what about Bob?” type posts.
I can’t promise I’ll use your suggestion, but I’m guessing I’ll end up using at least some of them considering all the creative folks on here. Wombat’s name has been revealed in the story but if you have an alternate idea for his name too, feel free to include that. I’m not married to it.
I have an idea instead of ending the chapter on a cliffhanger finish up that chapter and end it there it would probably be least frustrating for people. U could do that. Shrug if not keep up the great work. I’m so glad I discovered this game!!
this was good, you did nice work polishing it. Don’t know if this has been pointed out but typo
Uni narrows her eyes playfully and then turns her head, examining her surroundings. She might be looking for a weapon. As *know very little about this classmate,
Missing a you
I read this game after some months and is improving a lot. But I got some issues. Male characters are plain and all exactly same the idea of romance, one is like romancing a rock. The only two differences are a weirdo that wants to rape my character and one that could be a girl with that hood. The girls are all amazing, so my character ended lesbian .
There could be a chance with great hhhm and Shhh to acquire a secret of the sexual bonobo enough to blackmail him or destroy his sexual harassment career I mean heroical?
Also, I romance the redhead wonder and only kiss her at a dinner suddenly she becomes my gf without no formal romantic stuff. I mean in real life I kissed boys and that didn’t make them magically suddenly my official bf.
But the game is really well written sadly all men are basically same bulky zero charisma stereotype or directly ugly. The girls are all pretty. But boys, no one of them is decent if not all fat or muscles bags. Where are intelligent, pretty boys with funny humor?
@poison_mara I think you’re being unfairly sexist with your complaints about the male characters. Only one is someone I’d consider a ‘musclehead’, and that’s Stunner. None of them have been described as ‘fat’ that I’m aware of - comments are made about Combat Wombat’s weight, but that’s due to his heavy, bulky armor, not any issue with obesity.
It sounds like you’re just wanting someone ‘perfect’, and there’s no such thing. Personally, I’m not a fan of quite a few of the characters, but that’s because I dislike their personality traits. I actually don’t like ANY of the female characters other than Stoic, but that’s not due to bad writing - I just dislike the kinds of people they are.
@OtherGrimm all girls are pretty stylish characters with interesting personalities. Boys nope, stun is a yerk , wombat is just a loser, mob is a old guy meh with zero humor. Girls are as always pretty but i ask for one handsome boy and intelligent and i am sexist how cool and fair!
@poison_mara Um… Mob is a teenager. Crook is the ‘old’ guy. And Mob’s just nervous about his powers - I’d hardly say he has no personality.
I agree with Stunner being a jerk, but calling CW (or anyone, for that matter) a ‘loser’ just makes you sound snobbish. He’s very laid-back, but that’s hardly cause to insult him.
@OtherGrimm video games media Women are portrayed as sex goddess to fullfill male fantasies . Men characters could be fat, etc because men could be whatever and be credible. There are fat girls romeanceables or just ugly nope, no no … so if i ask for a male handsome to fulfill my fantasies i have same right to males to ask since all girls are physically pleasant. And wombat are perfect portrait of i dont know English word a patetic teddy bear that have good heart but no brains like the fact of don’t hide his identity
Which reminds me, concerning Wombat, there really ought to be a way to warn Wombat to clean up his act after finding out his secret.
My character shouldn’t want to get Wombat expelled unless I choose that I want my character to want him expelled, after all.
Mara, you made a possibly valid point, and then you completely ruined it by articulating a completely irrelevant argument to support it.
If you find the male romance options uninteresting, that is a writing problem, not sexism. I playtested a game in which I only found an npc we weren’t really allowed to romance more interesting than the actual love interests, the writer’s response was to expand that NPC’s storyline a little bit and to flesh out the romance options to make them more interesting.
If I had told him “You’re a sexist pig-dog! I spit on you now!” it would’ve been less than useless.
So anyone else usually more inclined for male love interests in games than female, does anyone else find that the male romance options fall flat?
So far none of the romance options are something to write home about. But the author did a very good job of cleaning and editing this first part. Good job!
@stsword@OtherGrimm calked me sexist, I just show him that there is not sexism in asking the same female npcs are. Why not an intelligent men that relay in other thing that strong or a bulky armor? Maybe a sniper or a tech guy that’s using his intelligence and irony. All men are plain you could no imagine one of them making a clever joke like Dirty girl or being cute as Tress, or even being caring like origami with kids… no they’re not just there having nothing relevant to show , i try with wombat but he is impossible all he do is wrong and don’t do anything to get better… i even try to help him study and he just get trapped in the door with his armor … then i say just play as lesbian Mara :((
Well @Poison-mara I have to say I disagree With your assessment so far. Admittedly I have not had much experience with romancing the male characters so far, but they all seem rather well made and interesting to me. All of the characters both male and female have their flaws, and they have their good points as well. Mob is a generally caring and kind young man, as seen in that his secret is that he hurt someone and not only feels great remorse towards it, he also takes acts that could put himself in danger in order to insure it doesn’t happen again. CW, while a bumbling fool at times, is from what little I have been able to gather rather intelligent, albeit in a rather unconventional manner, a trait not seen in other characters so far, and also does go out of his way to improve upon his considerable faults, as seen in numerous practice sessions, and while he has yet to succeed we have to remember that this is still relatively early in their college career. Stunner, the man greatly disliked for his being of a jerk, Also has shown himself to be caring and protective of the other students. He actually states that while he is extremely aggressive and competitive he is doing it, at least partially in order to protect the others as villians will pull no punches in combat and if you mess up, your dead. So yeah, none of the character’s are perfect but they all have interesting quirks that show their not bad guys. and besides do you really Mirrored characters, instead of interesting semi-unique characters? However a Tech guy would be cool… :-"
Geez Louise, there was a lot of discussion going on last night. I’m off to work shortly but I felt compelled to at least address a few things.
Part of the issue may be that I haven’t yet fully captured on paper how I view the characters, and part of the issue may be that some of you just don’t like the characters in the story.
As to the first issue, in my head I meant to balance the genders, even to the point of physical appearance. Thin characters (Mob, Tress) Athletic characters (Uni, Stunner) Curvier/barrel chested characters (DG and Crook). So I thought the body types were distributed equally. Then you have personalities - smart asses (DG and Crook), more sensitive types (Mob, Origami), serious types (Stunner, and the super serious Stoic)
So as to character appearance and overall personality, I thought I had an even spread. Now if I’ve failed to convey those character traits, that’s on me. If you just don’t like the end result of those character traits, well that just means you don’t like the characters.
Regarding the male characters:
Crook - Personally, I very much like him. I didn’t realize making him barrel chested (less than perfect physique) and a bit older (30 at most) would make him “old” or “fat.” I thought it might add a little charisma and interest. I also thought he’s been DG’s equal when it comes to quips and wit, at least again that’s how I envision him. Perhaps I haven’t been effective enough in writing him.
Stunner - Not everyone in real life has a personality larger than life. He’s serious and can be an asshole, but it’s not evil or some stupid cliche. He’s just a bit disappointed about not getting into the other two schools and having to start his training at Speck surrounded by students nowhere near his level. I thought the reader might be able to sympathize with his position a little. And several readers made it very clear a few weeks ago that their MCs very much wanted to romance the studly football player type guy so he will be fully romanceable at least through Beta.
Mob - He’s strong but not a meathead. Okay so he’s a bit tentative and nerdy, so what? I was trying to give readers different options. Some women, and guys, like guys who aren’t full of themselves and would rather talk out a conflict than punch their way through it. Mob is an animal rights activist as you’ll see in the next update. He’s also Latino, although I didn’t try to bludgeon the reader over the head with that fact. I also thought the whole dicotomy of being super strong (in company) but being unwilling to really let loose with that power would be sort of interesting.
Combat Wombat - Okay, maybe he’s a bit of a nerd. Again, so what? I wouldn’t quite call him a loser, but admittedly he has a lot of room to grow. This is the first part in what I envision as a multi-part series. If everyone was already mega-powerful, mega-confident, mega-capable, and mega-cool, there wouldn’t be any room for characters to grow. Again, he uses armor and he’s already alluded to a Wombat armor “update” to roll out later in the semester. His tech could get more interesting and useful. Will he ever be a ladies man type character? Probably not.
Well I could type all day but I need to get going this morning. I’ll share more thoughts this afternoon. I hope everyone has a good day, and in case it was lost in all the posting traffic last night, PM me with ideas for ‘real’ character names!
@StarWarsMaster I agree that there really isn’t much point in arguing, which was why I stopped replying. Mara just annoyed me more than usual with her complaints.
@HornHeadMaster I don’t think you’ve failed at writing any of the male characters. I have a strong dislike for Stunner, but that’s because I don’t get along with people like him. There’s nothing bad about that - his personality just doesn’t mesh well with mine.
I really like Mob (that’s no secret) - I like the awkward kid being really strong, but being less than willing to use that strength. I also loved that he was a vegetarian, especially since his reasons are pretty much the same as mine.
I like Wombat and Crook, but I haven’t seen as much of them. I do feel that you managed to get their personalities through to the reader, from what I have seen.
As I said, I don’t like most of the female characters, but again, that’s mostly due to personality conflicts. I do find Origami a little bland (though I admit, I haven’t really tried talking to her), but the others have more characterization - Tress just seems like a ditz to me, and DG is too ‘wild and crazy’. But again, not everyone will appeal to all players, and I don’t think anyone’s hugely lacking in personality.
@OtherGrimm, if you already like Mob’s reasons for being a vegetarian, you’ll probably similarly enjoy his upcoming scene. Some of the info is pulled from real life so it’s like I’m sneaking in a little PSA. I’ll try not to be super heavy handed about it.
@everyone, I’m working on fixing all the errors that have been pointed out since the update and I’ll announce when that is done. I don’t want people wasting their time pointing out errors others had told me about so I’ll announce when that cleanup work is done.
Also, @MultipleChoice has pointed out the ever increasing math and coding issues that arise with multiple stat combinations over a multi part series and I’m getting nervous about biting off more than I can chew. I simply cannot go into Issue 2 with worrying about dozens of different archtypes/upgrade/equipment combinations for every combat scene.
I plan to scale back the archtypes to my original 3. Those would be brawler, stinger and tactician. I figure it gives readers the traditional choice of using strength, speed, or smarts. Surely that is enough for most people.
The upside is that with only 3 archtypes, every piece of equipment and every high stat would be exclusive. That would actually save me lots of coding time and create fewer *ifs. It would also give me more time to write about your MC, your special gear, your fighting style, and something I haven’t addressed very well at all, how your classmates view you.
It will also give me more time to write archtypes specific sections, so those of you who wanted scenes with your MC whipping out her infrared goggles and listening device and snooping around, perhaps even spying on Hedonist or looking through Tolly’s file drawers for her secret joke list might like this a lot.
I know it sucks for me to lessen the number of options at this point, and I apologize as i have no interest in angering or disappointing anyone, but honestly it will help me actually finish this Issue knowing I can move onto issue 2 without an overwhelming sense of dread.
@OtherGrimm, I know you were already frustrated. I promise to make them balanced. It will be MUCH MUCH easier to balance 3 rather than 6.
And I can focus more on Bruisers being total badasses in melee, Stingers being evasive and deadly at range, and Tacticians being schemers who are well prepared for most situations and able to improvise when needed.
