@Aznxa, Hey I don’t remember seeing your name on the thread before. Welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
@BAPACop, Thanks so much. Those are the types of continuity errors I was looking for. I will start a list of things to fix. I just read it through again and realized how many paragraph/page break errors I need to address.
@BAPACop, okay, the Uni error was an easy fix (math mistake on my part) so I fixed the update on that issue this morning.
I think I fixed both Tress errors too but this morning was busy so I hope it worked.
Ugh the Tress fixes didn’t work. I’ll have to fix her scenes tonight.
You did an awesome job so much better I might definetly buy this game if u ever decide to sell it! And I love the deifferent romance options! I can’t wait to see ch.5!
@HornHeadFan Just played the updated game! Still loving it, but here’s a few things I noticed during my playthrough:
“As you stuff your orientation materials into a yellow folder, a distance boom rattles the walls.” Should be “distant”?
I think it would be better if you hid some of the stats until they became relevant, like your relationship values with each character, what you’ve learned, what equipment you have, etc. Until the variable is filled, keep it hidden. It creates a bit more work but I like that sense of uncovering stats as I go. And that way, certain things remain “unspoiled”, so to speak.
Maybe have an option to disable the stat bonus notifications?
The transition from Origami’s scene at the hospital to Crook’s scene in the student lounge could probably use a page break.
In Tress’ scene, when she asks how the meal was, you may want to consider revising the “And you say…” bit - it doesn’t flow right with the responses.
In Stunner’s scene, I would like a more neutral or even passive aggressive option when I am given the chance to speak. As a tactician, I am not interested in working out, so the middle option is out. I don’t want to suck up to him by asking for Mega Cat’s signature, but I don’t want to outright insult him either.
At the beginning of the Breaking People and Things class, the “People” and “Things” are reversed later on in the same page.
In Dirty Girl’s scene, “waiving” should be “waving”. Probably could do with another page break or at least a new paragraph at the end of the scene.
During The Hedonist’s second class: “He continues to stroll around the room, casually brushing his fingertips against shoulders and arms of students, focusing on contacdt with bare skin whenever possible.” - “contacdt” should be “contact”.
When Dirty Girl says “Geez I shouldn’t have went to that to that warehouse party last night.” you’re doubling up on “to that”, and “went” should be “gone”.
When you face off against Clown Girl, DownFall says “If you leave the circle, you lose. Ready…” - needs one more dot?
In Stoic’s scene, I asked her about her powers, then she said, “Do you really want to know?” and I was presented with all of the options again, this time prefaced with “Yes, I’d really like to know…” - is it just meant to be the question I originally asked?
In Unicorn Fish Girl’s scene, I’d like to be able to politely decline the suggestion to go to dinner with her.
The Spiked Gladiator is referred to as “the Spiked Gladiator” in the scene with him, Uni, Stoic and C-Wom. “The” should be capitalised. Also, this scene abruptly ends and leads straight into the scene in Dean Tolly’s office. Is it meant to, or are we supposed to actually go out on patrol or whatever?
I love it and my only real gripe is this: will our elective ever come into effect?
@Saracenar, I appreciate all the detailed notes and observations. It is very helpful to share your wishes for additional choice responses. That reminds me that I owe you some notes on your WIP. I need to get those to you!
@Thespianbrony, I’m still figuring out how to work those in. Glad you liked it!
General question to all: did you end up in Crook’s group, Tress’s group or Uni’s “can’t make up our minds” group?
Those discrete scenes will continue through Chapter 5 so I hope that provides some replayability.
I ended up in Crook’s group with my Sniper who is only in it to have fun. Uni’s with my Detective who cares about nobody and is on a quest to do all romances at once. And Tress for my justice oriented Bullet.
How do you get an A in Basic Defence without ickling with the teacher?
@trollhunterthethird, you can’t. However, Hedonist will be forced adjust his “grading scale” later in the story so won’t face this dilemma for subsequent tests.
@HornHeadFan I’m glad I chose to storm out then, I don’t care if I got a D, I got an A in everything else!
@hornHeadFan I take back the mean things I said about Origami. But not the scissor comment because that actually was funny (for once).
Take as long as you need for any future updates you can’t rush quality.
@HornHeadFan You’re welcome! I’m happy to help however I can. It’s a great game you’ve got brewing here. Don’t worry too much about it, as I am currently adjusting to my new circumstances so I don’t have as much time for writing. Just got to readjust everything before I can get back to work. I am looking forward to your feedback though.
I’d like to see the elective put into chapter 4 somewhere, since it’s supposed to be happening alongside the other classes, right?
@HornHeadFan
For kicking Mob in the privates I think -30% relationship is kinda harsh was he really that hurt I mean he at least had to see being hurt by someone in a class called “Breaking things and people” coming.
@TheCourier -30% for kicking a guy in the privates? Sound about right imo. Even in a combat class, I don’t think anyone expects a kick in the balls >_>
@trollhunterthethird, you must have punched Hedonist then. That’s what gets you the D. Just storming out gets you a C. At least I think I have it coded that way.
@Saracenar, yeah I’m probably eventually stick an elective scene in Chapter 4. I’m probably not going to spend much time on the electives though. Just a few short vignettes.
@TheCourier and @Grapefruit, I see that reasonable minds can disagree on the extent a kick to the balls will damage a relationship! I spent considerable time pondering that exact question. :-?
@Johndn90, I hope you love Origami now. She is growing to be my favorite character…too bad she might have to d…oops I’ve said too much. I hope she stays away from the scissors. And open flame. And rain.
@Thespianbrony, That is awesome that you have multiple playthroughs. I am really hoping that readers will design their own hero MCs and make the MC “their own.” I’m almost tempted to put an author’s note in the story saying, “You might want to draw a sketch of your hero! Use your imagination.”
I am trying to make each of the three split storylines fun/interesting in its own way, although everyone will obviously have their preferences.
I may go ahead and start reviewing again as NOLA was unexpected to me. I need to be sure I don’t mimic anyone so reviewing others might help me from repeating something I had no intentions. Ill take another veiw through yours this week.
Got this when I tried to load up the game (yes it was the newest link), making me playing it virtually impossible (which bums me out cuz this is one of my favourite games on here)
line 130 : Non-existent variable ‘stoicask’
:((
Same here.
@NateTheGreat and Sneaks, as my 4 year old daughter says whens she makes a mistake, “sorry sorry sorry.” I made a few small edits last night and goofed. It should be fixed now.