Just played through as a scrawny tactician much along the lines of myself, and I must say this is pretty awesome! Great writing and a cool premise/setting, love it.
I ended up drifting towards Crook and Dirty Girl but I think part of that was because they are the characters you interact with the most without choosing to interact with them i.e. you are paired on the defence team with Dirty Girl, and you hang out with Crook.
When it came to choosing who to hang out with, I felt like I was most acquainted with these characters and so I went with them (partying with Dirty Girl is interesting, because it’s not really my character’s ideal situation - so we make an interesting pair, which I think is pretty funny; very interested in seeing where a relationship would go between an introvert type character and her).
So in relation to hanging out with other characters, there are two concerns I have. First, I think it feels a little artificial to just ask “who do you hang out with?” I know it would require more work, but if there was another scene or two before this choice, in which you have the opportunity to converse further with some or all of the options, it would make things a little more natural. Secondly, more detail in the hang out scene(s) (at least, the party with DG) would be cool. Again, I know it’d be a lot of work to add that kind of detail across all the scenes (but for all I know, the ones I didn’t see could be fine), but that’s just a thought I had.
Oh, and I hit an error while talking with Mob. When I asked him about his superpower, I got this error: “line 350: bad label powersquestion”.
Otherwise, really good. It’s even inspiring me to get back to my own project.
@Saracenar, thank you for your kind and constructive comments! Getting positive feedback certainly gives me more momentum to keep going. I’ll fix that Mob error. And I definitely know the story will need some tweaks in flow/dialogue/pacing, etc. I just keep repeating to myself (and posters to this thread) that I just want to keep marching forward for now to get a finished product. If I tweak every chapter as I go, I’m afraid I’ll never finish. I have a short attention span!
Everyone else (I apologize but I’m so tired and I know I haven’t responded to a lot of the comments), I’ll definitely consider adding/changing uniform options and maybe even combat styles. I just want to keep the styles balanced, so that’s a concern. I know there’s been a lot of demand for melee/stealth and melee/movement.
Maybe some of you will be happy with getting some weapon upgrades at the end of Chapter 4, which I should be able to post either Friday or Saturday!
@HornHeadFan That’s probably a good strategy. I am doing the opposite (for the most part, fully fleshing out each scene as I go), and it is taking a lot longer than I’d like, resulting in me taking big breaks from my writing. Fortunately though I have some spare time today and you’ve inspired me to get back into it! Aiming to finish a scene I’ve been working on for a while. Still a bit to do though!
Got to say, I’m rather enjoying this. Heroes set in school. Like Marvel meets Degrassi, or something like that. Anyway, I got an error message in chapter 3.
“line 356: bad label whyspeck”
Was asking him why he’s a vegetarian and I got an error.
Was playing as a Female, Sniper, if that helps any.
Anyway, good job on not having any grammar or spelling mistakes during my playthrough and keep up the good work.
Edit: Someone found the problem before. Huh…
Edit 2: Asking the other question results in:
“line 350: bad label powersquestion”
It appears that conversation is currently bugged, still, a good WIP though.
@God_of_Demonz, I have no idea. I’ll make those tweaks after the draft is completed. I actually researched lots of weapons online as I wrote this. I’m probably on an NSA watch list now.
General comment - I learned my lesson and will never announce anticipated posting dates for upcoming chapters!! Things seem to take much longer than originally planned. I’m mostly editing and testing chapter 4 now. It has a lot of bugs and I need to clean it up.
@stsword, you make two good points. The first was just an oversight. I will fix that in the near future. Regarding the weapon, you may get the chance for a less lethal upgrade soon.
Honestly, I am thinking about replacing the slingshot with something less lethal. Upon reflection, it seems a bit overpowered and deadly compared with the other first tier pieces of equipment. I actually considered a taser when i first wrote the first two chapters but didn’t use it because of its short range (about 20 feet max).
@stsword no?.. he may have hurt her by accident, but shes not generally who the MC is going to be fighting in his career. his shots will need to do some damage to take out villans, considering he doesn’t have any powers
Okay the bad labels are fixed. I swear, even after working on this story for a month now, I still make the dumbest mistakes like forgetting to put “label” somewhere or putting “goto” instead of “set.”
@Saracenar, do you have a thread devoted to your WIP?
@Taiho, I’m glad you like it. And I’m a bit of a grammar snob so I do tend to review for those sorts of mistakes.
@HornHeadFan I do, but it is a *little* stagnant, haha. I posted it in November 2012 with a demo. Between re-writes and writer’s block and breaks I still have a lot to do. It’s nowhere near finished and will likely take a long time to complete. I’m just slowly chipping away at it with bursts of creativity and motivation, basically. I have too many other hobbies!
I’ll PM you a link to the thread, so as not to derail or sideline yours, if you want to check it out.
Is Dirty Girl’s smoke supposed to block thermal imaging? I noticed my sniper character with thermal goggles was as blind in the capture the flag game as my other play through.
And if we hurt Origami and feel bad about it, shouldn’t that inspire us to add a less dangerous weapon to our arsenal? Taser? Bean bag rounds? Mace? Net gun?
In terms of romance, can there be different options to approaching it? For example Crooks: If you are indeed a rebellious one then you will catch on like a house on fire, however let’s say you’re the Stoic type then maybe you’ll have a more interesting approach?
It’s just that I don’t want my silent, stealthy, character to end up having to be loud and rebellious just to gain the attention of Crooks. This is just an example. With so much space open for creating your own individual hero, I just feel a generic romance for each RO would undermime that a bit, not completely, just a bit.
@iElite1023, Thanks for your encouraging words! Don’t worry, I’m still writing and (hopefully) I can post chapter 4 before I go to bed tonight, although I’m sure it will be very late. I had a LOT of coding issues to work through on this chapter, and my inexperience with coding was the cause of most of it.
@trollhunterthethird, I am trying to give thought to issues like that, although I’m sure some of the interactions will have to be tweaked quite a bit from now through beta testing. On one hand, I wouldn’t want to make it impossible for a introverted MC to have a good relationship (romantic or otherwise) with Crook or Dirty Girl, but realistically speaking they might find more in common with someone a bit more rebellious and talkative. But again, a lot of that will be tweaked so don’t feel like if the romances/relationships are not to your liking now that they are automatically going to stay as they are.
