I will sit down and play it again and give you my thoughts on it. Of course these are only my opion and I have been know to be wrong every now and then. 
New link with upload:
http://db.tt/4P6Bbzmz
Updated intro. Use this one, please.
paul
63
the back story and going to buy a weapon.
I did not feel it was rushed. And you can continue to develop your killer as the story continues.
One problem I did have was that it called a quiver a sheath once and even though I chose to make the kill outside it happend inside.
paul
66
maybe you could have a choice on what house you buy .
@Caygebee You have the option for forsake your plan and go with a different one, if you choose. When did it call a quiver a sheath? Can you quote it for me?
@paul Maybe. I am developing the third mission. The character will keep developing and I might add the option to buy a house.
It’s right after you buy the bow and it says you pick up a sheath of arrows
And you might want to add something about forsaking the plan in there because that was confusing
Ok. Ill put, “Wait for him outside.” How do you like the game so far?
Now this just covers the opening page, I did not want step on any toes. If you feel my feedback is useful to you I will happly do more. However if you think what I am saying is utter rubbish, I will understand. 
The opening line did not sit well with me. ‘Quietly, slowly, you quickly scamper…’
It does not flow well on the tounge. Perhaps ‘With many years of pratice you cross the roof as nothing more then a ghost, unnoticed, and unseen.’
I would really like to feel the moment, perhaps something like ‘the man appears to be enjoying the cool spring air, he smiles as he watches some small kids chase each other. You love these moments, they are happy before they die, no fear unaware of what is about to befall them. Each time is differant and new your heart races with the excitment. You draw a deep breath and still your mind and slowly release your breath. The beating of your heart slows to almost still. You easy yourself down into the park never losing sight of your target. The strike was quick and deadly, the man never even mad a sound as he slumped to the ground. You never change your pace as a smile forms on your face.’
Running hard does not seem a vaild reason for a memory lasp. Perhaps something like 'a crowd gathers around the body on the ground, you pat yourself on the back for another perfect job, a pain spreads across your vision followed by stars. A fellow in the crowd was more aware then most ment to stop you from getting away. He hit you with a rock. Even dazed you are more then a match for this wanabe hero. Reaching out with skilled hand you quickly dislocate his shoulder. Your wits return and deciding to beat feet to a safe house, a good backup plan that you thought you never have to use. As you run the voices of screaming woman are followed by shouts of angry men. You manage to slip into you hide out as the sound of men in chainmail come charging down the street. Stubleing to the water basin, your memories are still a bit foggy. Looking in the mirror
`
*choice
#The gash will add a nice feature to my already manly features
#My long hair will hide any possible scarying.
`
This again is just my thoughts on it. Take and use what you want or ignore it all. I just hope I was helpfull.
Wow! This is exactly the feedback I need! Can I add that to my story?
As I said feel free to use what ever you want from the feed back.
Then I will definetly use this. Can you continue with the other parts of the story?
I will as time permits taking a break from my story for a few day as I consider some new designs for it.
I will definatly be more descriptive in my scenes. Would you like to be a partner in this?
I wish I could but I am a truckdriver I spend a month on the road at a time, not a lot of free time. And I have several projects I have slated. Plus I am hip deep into my current project. I am flattered by the offer and when I have time will give as much feed back as I can.
Wow. I am a reserve officer in the Navy but they usually have WI FI on the ships so Im good.
I do most of my work over my phone but. I spend most of my time driving or sleeping. I do try to keep up on the boards. However this leaves little time to write.
