Heyo !
Despite not being a cheerleader myself I just wanted to say that this WIP really resonated with me. I also took up sports despite not being very athletic and felt like a “mascot” for the longest time, instead of a real player.
Eventually I made that my own and leaned into it and became a team-mascot in a more positive sense, as well as a member of the team. A good luck charm kind of.
There was no cheer team in my school but I feel like I would’ve liked to try it out just because, apparently, I had a lot of cheer either way
Concerning feedback on the writing itself, I too felt that some choices and their corresponding stat changes were hard to read. Especially the earlier ones. I don’t know if that’s because I just got a feel for them after a while or you did, but it did get a little more clear.
Also, being a goodie-two-shoes and a nerd I felt sometimes that choices were missing. Like when choosing to listen to Olivia’s monologue about the cheer rules, you can only choose to do it to look good or because everybody does it but not because you genuinely care about being a good team member. There’s also no choice to not participate in the secret training or to participate in a way that’s not against the rules. Also, I hope there will be a choice to support Pepper in her dislike of the cheer squad and found your own team with blackjack and hookers - or whatever it is that a free spirited loyal friend would do.
The writing itself is very immersive and funny. I like your descriptions of New York and I wonder if those details will change once it becomes more of a Utopia.
I’m looking forward to hearing more from this !
Chapters 3 and 4 have been added to the demo. These chapters cover a political scandal in New York. A difficult thing in writing this game is that everything I write as satire ends up coming true. These early chapters were written in the summer of 2021, and the real New York has matched my satire every step of the way.
I think the game description should make it clear that the MC is not directly starting out as a cheerleader. I felt a little disoriented when we met the cheerleaders but weren’t already part of the team.
If it was me, I would be wondering how many of the cheerleaders’ names are starting with “Bry-” considering that Bryan and Bryttanny are the first ones we meet.
There were times when I wished for less snarky, judgy options while meeting Bryan and Bryttanny. Since there’s a Sweet Talker stat, it almost felt as if the game wanted to push my MC into the “mean girl/boy/person” corner. Don’t get me wrong, I generally think the snarky options are super fun but I just wanted to play a nice, mild-mannered (albeit boring, to be fair) MC for a change.
Because I’m transmale. Sometimes she makes little gender jokes.
Feeling ambivalent about this one. I would prefer it if we could choose whether we want to be called a “cowboy”, “cowgirl” or a non-gendered equivalent. Even if the game tells me that it’s all okay because “She’s the only person you’d let get away with that”, I still find it hard to accept that my trans MC has to put up with this behavior from a good friend of all people.
There are probably several trans people who wouldn’t mind, and good for them, but it shouldn’t be assumed that everyone will be okay with this sort of jokey misgendering, particularly not real trans players with their individual experiences and triggers. (The same goes for the non-binary option.)
It’s especially weird when you later get the option #I apologize. I was insensitive for something Pepper took the wrong way even though it was said earlier that “she puts up with you making the occasional joke at her expense”. And, in this case, the MC didn’t even intentionally joke about her!
Very cool that Pepper has a prosthetic leg. Especially in a sports game.
She’s an inspiration.
Just want to say that “inspiration” or “inspiring” is often used in a derogatory, dehumanizing way when it comes to people with disabilities. I think it would sound better if the choice stated something like “Her ambition is an inspiration” or something, thereby focusing on Pepper’s individuality.
I love that we can choose the quality of our gaydar. Wish there’d be the option for a trans player to have a good gaydar and the “trans-ponder”. It would also seem more inclusive if we were able to spot other queer people in general unless there are no bi-/pansexual characters of note in this game.
Edit: From an ESL standpoint, it’s a little strange how often the MC takes note of the way other characters are pronouncing stuff. If I have to be honest, I’m not always sure that I understand what it is supposed to tell me – either about the characters or my MC. Or maybe I simply lack contextual knowledge.
Can’t wait to meet the entire team, but for now, I’ve got other things to do.
Edit 2:
More feedback.
Weird stuff I noticed:
Chapter 1: It is a “Walk” a-thon, after on.
Chapter 3: Worshiping psuedo-celebrities.
Chapter 2 feedback:
#“And now I won’t have to fret over styling decisions like that.”
After Pepper says, “They even tell you how to wear your hair, and what color lipstick?” Seems a weird choice if you’re a guy (cis or trans) as the “like that” seems to imply that lipstick is included in the styling decisions worth fretting over.
Don’t get me wrong: I’d definitely appreciate that option for everyone playing a gender-nonconforming dude but first, there’d have to be an option to indicate gender-nonconformity.
Surprised you never delivered on the horse joke with “Britneigh”.
A list of the important characters and their descriptions could be useful.
When we met Robbie, it would be great if we got an option to state that we aren’t into men. We got something similar when it comes to Pepper attraction: #If I liked girls, I’d be enjoying this. I also feel like choosing such an option should automatically lock us out of any romance or flirty interaction with characters of the gender that our MCs isn’t attracted to.
These options feel pretty gendered if you’re playing as a guy: #I have enough makeup to cover any wound! #I did a little of everything. Then watched some skincare tutorials online.
It’s strange that, after two chapters, we didn’t even get one real opportunity to get the know the ROs (except for Pepper) or hang out with them separately. No problem if the general focus of this game isn’t romance but the game description made it sound more relevant to me.
Chapter 3 feedback:
I really like the Cheerlebrity stuff. That’s fun.
RE: Stats page. I wish the relationship stats were separated from the other ones. Generally, I feel the stats page looks a bit cluttered. Suggestion: Intuitively, it would make sense to me to put the relationship stats directly under “Woo! You have some friends on your squad now, Rookie!”
It would also be great to prioritize the ROs in the stat listing aka place them higher than characters without romance. Example: Bryttanny and Bryan are at the bottom and Olivia (for whom I couldn’t find a romance flag) sits higher up in the stat list. Or, alternatively, you could sort the relationship stats by alphabet or order of character appearance.
Definitely add some stat explanations because I have no idea what “Foolow Through!” or “Dumb Luck” means and how I would go about increasing both if I wanted to. I also don’t understand why some characters’ stats are bundled like “Marketing & Olivia” or “Fund Raising & Johhny” and others (Pepper, Bryttanny, Bryan) are not.
The transition from Yes. Let’s do it! But-- Won’t I need a uniform?" you ask. to You are awakened abruptly by a knock on your apartment door. is really abrupt.
General:
I saw you listed the option to play as asexual but I didn’t really see a choice to indicate the MC’s asexuality. If you intended to communicate that players are able to choose not to romance anybody, that would mean that we can play someone who is aro-ace.
Update 2/15/23 Today’s Satire Is Tomorrow’s News!:
First, there are four chapters from the game available in the demo, and I’d love to get feedback.
Secondly, I’ve completed a few more chapters, and the game is around 75% done now. I keep having to make little edits because stuff I write as satire ends up coming true! The game is set in a humorously dystopian version of New York, but the real New York has been steadily mutating to match my game (I correctly predicted the Mayoral candidates of the last election, and the Governor’s race too).
Remember: This game is not inspired by real events… It foresaw them!
Oh I love the story so much, it’s funny and sweet especially with the spirit thing. I really adore Pepper she’s such an amazing friend <3 I laughed so hard about the inner voice xD it has a British accent in my read x’D
for your info: the saves are broken, sadly.
This game is HILARIOUSLY GOOD! It’s definitely more like those types of games that are fun/chill but can definitely be very replay-able. I cannot wait for more!
Not my cup of tea BUT, I’ve been checking out IF’s of all types that I normally wouldn’t. So why not try this one!? Plus, We can play as a male and that was all I needed to see lol. Let’s see what this is giving.
This might have been brought up and I just skipped past it but, The saves don’t work. An error pops up.
Update 2/26/23 Real world stuff that didn’t make it into the game?
Much of the game is inspired by my real experiences in cheerleading, but there are a lot of experiences that I’ve left out because they’re my subjective experiences (One possible path through the game). The character that YOU create might be very different from real life me.
I’m debating doing some longer posts here about the real life stuff that I left out of the game. If you’d like to read something like that, let me know.
As someone new to cheerleading, and being older than my teammates, and my team’s only transgender person, and being a shy nerd trying to infiltrate The Cool Kids clique, I felt like the experience was a mixture of Mean Girls, Younger, and The Nutty Professor.
A little more of the game is done, along with some edits to the last chapter. At the moment I’m thinking about romantic subplots. I DON’T want this game to turn into a “Cheerleader Dating Sim” so I’m wondering how important romance is to players. Let me know your thoughts.
Also, I’m still considering writing posts about the real-life cheerleading team I was on. Essentially all the cheer drama that doesn’t make it into the game. If you’d like to read something like that, sound off here.
Well, I’ve certainly never been silent on the forums about romance being firmly “meh” for me in these games. I’ll engage with it, but only if it’s well done, and hooking up is not a primary concern of mine, so if the game tries to force me to engage with a romantic subplot, that’s not great. Worse if I have no option to shut it down and move on with my day. Worse still if it’s not even a romance-centric game and it tries to do that - like, get back in your lane, you’re not a romance story, I’m here to swashbuckle/do detective stuff/do professional wrasslin’ (choose one), how about we focus back on that?
Also, the options aren’t strictly limited to piracy, detectives and pro wrestling, but you get the idea.
Also, if you go that route, take care to make sure that the player is well aware of the path they’ve put themselves on. Ones of the worst things you can do is suddenly spring romance on them out of the clear blue when they’ve gone the whole game not even thinking about it. I remember having to put Sixth Grade Detective down when, not thinking that romance would even be in the cards (we’re in sixth grade!), fresh out of solving a bike theft case, all of a sudden my buddy starts stumbling around, trying to ask me out to the school dance.
After I had just outed them as the bike thief.
Okay, then.
Anyhow, that’s my two cents, so I’ll quit yapping now.
@TheRoyalHeir Hey thanks!! I already played up to the part before the update. I really enjoyed it. Cant wait for the full game someday. Keep it up. Your writing style is also very nice!
especially with the spirit thing. I really adore Pepper 
