Change Your Fae (WIP)

young-adult-fiction
modern-fantasy
gender-choice
nonbinary-inclusive
#1

dashpic
In Change Your Fae, you play a 20 something appearing fae of one of eight races:

  • Werewolf
  • Dragonkind
  • Vampire
  • Empath
  • Witch
  • Psychic
  • Personshift
  • Animalshift

And also your choice of gender/pronouns including nonbinary.
You are an ex-Agent of the Court, the fae governing body. Ex because you recently helped two teen human girls escape judgement because one of them used to be fae but somehow became human.
Choose how you interact with characters and how you feel about the situation you’re in as you hunt down the “Histories” of your people in hopes to overturn the Court’s ruling.

This is my first real interactive story, though I have played around with Twine a bit. I currently have about 11k words, and I don’t them have neatly into chapters, but if I had to, I’d say I’m on my second? Still very much an early WIP.

You can find it here and contact me on Twitter here.

56 Likes

#2

Finally, I kept seeing this on Dashingdon
I was playing it…sorry

2 Likes

#3

has potentiel…

but…this story need more background . Like that beginning , why were we in a court ? are we some kind of a lawyer ? I hear words like Missouri (hey I got a friend there and she call the place Misery lol) and sandwich…yet…FAE?..and vampire…

why are we helping these girls for ? to have that ‘reason’ in a set of ‘‘a,b,c’’ reply…kinda cheapen the act itself . Make it seem like you are a 3rd wheel in the story…

Also we could use a better cc , and descriptions for the specie . I know what werewolf , vampire , and witch is . but what’s a personshift ? and dragonkind? :thinking:

but like I said , there is potentiel here . Good luck with your story :grin:

edit: got error : tailed line 14: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1

4 Likes

#4

The story is interesting, but there are a few issues.
Game-stopping errors (afrer noticing a suspicious car), like the one mentioned above and tailed line 233: increasing indent not allowed, expected 0 was 1.

Characters are introduced too quickly, hard to visualize and keep track on who is who, at least on the first playthrough. Character introductions need some fleshing out. A list of important characters somewhere in the stats would also be nice.

I think the incident in the Court would be better if the player character could actually experience and participate in it, rather than being shown a short flashback and state a motivation.

There are a lot of interesting fae species, but they need to have descriptions to let a player decide which to choose. There are different abilities and diets later, and I like that the PC is given different meals depending on their species. But I would prefer for the MC’s special fae abilities to be more involved in the beginning of the story. For example, let the character use their resistance to fire to escape the Court, rather then hold a lighter and make your hand scaly. [Edit: Judging by content of tailed.txt file, there are instances where MC uses their power, but using them in the first scene would still be interesting].

Edit: it’s also strange there is only one scale for relationships. It works now, but what if new characters with conflicting interests will be introduced? Or you meet that James, with no concern in his eyes, just duty? Relationships with them can’t be all the same and use the same variable.

Edit: I looked at tailed.txt.

#Rely on the cop option - not clear what the character would do from the option text. What if a reader sees that option, thinks “They are going to ask the police for help, right?”, but no, the MC decides to get the cop’s attention by breaking the law!
Also, will shapeshifting/casting spells in front of the police (as opposed to just quickly riding away) affect the plot later by making hiding among humans harder?

Good luck with your game!

2 Likes

#5

Sounds like it could turn into a great story however as stated above a bit of background would be helpful so we know the circumstances we are in, also a bit of information should be given about the species of fae that we can be and maybe some stats that are particular for each species e.g witches can use magic, vampired are fast and strong

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#6

Is this the end?

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#7

Ooooh~ This is interesting! We need more “personshift’s” in our games! Take notes people~ I suggest detailed customization regarding the MC, for example, their past, appearance & sexual orientation. Try adding some romance too. Last but not least, writing stories from scratch is hard work & so is coding. Good Work! Keep it up! Don’t give up! Can’t wait to play the whole game~

1 Like

#8

There’s a bug after the first save when “s**t we’re being followed” is picked.

0 Likes

#9

automatically hooked bc of the supernatural even more after reading it i agree we could use some background and info about the races but keep it up looking good!

0 Likes

#10

Thank you all for the feedback! And sorry about the bug. That’s what I get for trying to add the save system to my game at three in the morning. I should have left it out of the live version, since I’m still not using it to its fullest effect.

I added a small description to the race selection, added more showing off of powers in the “spend time with Jessie and Rachel” scene, and tried to add more background.

As far as adding romance, it’s something that’s certainly on my mind, but — I was just about to say I wasn’t sure where I’d put it in when I got an idea for it. And on that note I will be expanding the relationships variable. I’ll think about adding more customization, I did quite like what some others have done with theirs.

I’ll be adding more story pretty regularly, but I’ll try to say when I actually have a significant amount live.

7 Likes

#11

It’s interesting need more of a back ground

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#12

Sorry for the delay in updating! I’ve been dealing with some health problems. There is now a small update and I will be working on it more often now. Thank you for your patience!

9 Likes

#13

Before I say anything, can the psychic race do more than reading minds and divination? Also, I hope that you can recover from your health problems and be a healthier person mate.

1 Like

#14

That’s primarily what the psychic race does, though they can also expend a lot of energy to create a disabling psychic blast. Very much a rare, last resort thing, though. I’ll try to edit what I have to explain further what they can do.

And thank you!!

2 Likes

#15

A little bug here :beetle:
fae

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#16

Whoops sorry. Though I tested that several times but apparently not! Thanks for the heads up!

1 Like

#17

I’m really excited to see where this story is going!
&
Uh oh spaghettios!

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#18

Thank you and sorry for the error! It’s fixed now.

0 Likes