I enjoyed the extra scenes too. I guess it depends on what you want to do with them, though; if they’d take up a lot of time without adding anything, then it might make sense to scale them back, but I don’t recall them being too obtrusive.
Typos and stuff
Performing arts and art alike, I always seem to have a neck for that.
Now that I had a better look, her lavender hair didn’t seemed to look as bold or outrageous as it did a few seconds ago.
“You aren’t very bright aren’t you?”
While I did believed what she said was true, my mind couldn’t help but drift into it’s own trance of thoughts.
believe ; you shouldn’t use past tense after did
Certainly wasn’t just a window… it sounded as if a whole building had came crashing down and the thousand of glass broke simultaneously.
I couldn’t help but stumbled on my own feet.
Her grip seem to have stopped my fall. She’s surprisingly capable.
Her pure pastel hair tainted with tinged of maroon from the now crimson ambiance.
The impossible have just happened right in-front of my own eyes. It’s all so… surreal
Even from far, I caught a whiff of it horrendous stench and its odor was enough to make me nauseous
It seems to had left trails of sludge whenever it moved.
Mucus coated the red ground as it made it way to us.
The adrenalin flew over my veins like a carp through the river, but I couldn’t move a single muscle, not even to scream.
She didn’t seemed to be talking to me. So WHO was she talking to?
The texture of its skin were oozing with slime, its “face” was twisted into something I wouldn’t recognize, the only feature I seemed to be able to make out is it’s mouth.
“Great to officially meet you.” Her smile will huge, like a girl who just got a new doll, or a kid in a candy store.
I tried to paced back, I remembered arriving at the train station, I remembered that bright lavender hair, and it hit me, I remembered the monsters, the hideous monsters that was haunting my dreams.
Oh, her. I didn’t realized I didn’t even know her name till now.
She giggled, it didn’t sound like an apologize, not at all.
She said Reverie, what did she meant by that? A sharp pain jolted my head, I remember seeing a giant man, I rememebered passing out on the crimson floor.
His eyes were full of curiosity, her hair was tied to the side, she had a big smile.
Coding error should be ‘her’
For years, I’ve been looking for my life purpose’s since my baby feet stepped foot in the world.
These practices weren’t just to prepare for common school plays, they were professional training for the performing arts.
for performing the arts
Remove ‘the’ altogether
High expectations? What did she meant by that? Tsubasa and I were entrusted to scout the upper sections of the mall.
Direct them out of the portal will be our priority, defeating the Whims and closing the Somnium, secondary."
We all nodded, agreed with Tsubasa’s orders. Looking over to Sibyl, she was carrying a weird contraption on her tiny back.
nodded in agreement ( would be better fitting)
“You see, I figured out why the communication devices I made was not working.” She explained further
I caught Tsubasa looking at some dresses that was on display, so she’s a normal girl after all.
Also can I offer to buy one for her? +brownie/relationship points would be rewarded maybe
Sibyl sure weren’t kidding when she said Tsubasa was strict about our Academic achievements, even at a time like this, she was asking about my school work
You seem like you’re use to this.
I felt like a kid who had just gotten a 100 of his test. I wasn’t complaining, her hand was soft and full of life, he hot and cold personality was sometimes outputting, but I knew she put up a tough front for us, she was our fearless leader afterall.
I was frozen in place, my legs couldn’t move. I felt Tsubasa pushed me, I stumbled back and watched Tsubasa fell as the floor crumbled beneath us.
Is it weird that I really like Tsubasa. and he was also reading one of my favorite books!
Also regarding jobs, I didn’t really, not like them but don’t have a strong opinion about them either, you could follow up on the “jobs” in later chapters to make them not seem like filler…
I looove Yugen It’s one of my favorite WIPs how could I ever forget it? Honestly, CIAR is in my all-time favorites list too. It’s really unique and I love the sound effects. And the art! Honestly, I love it so much asdfghjkl
I’m so happy that you’re back!
And I miss my precious tsunboi Kioshi
Oh my god I’m definitely going to lurk around in the forums and wait for it to happen!
I’m too overhyped right now sHit I have to cool down.
But welcome back Rose!
Can I beta test the game please?
I really like the extra scenes really reminds me of the persona series
Welcome back!! I love this WIP, and I also like the extra scenes
I’ve played a little of this and I’m enjoying it so far! Excited for the full thing!