“it’s” should be “its”
“The last and the largest is the most unclear, it’s top half dominated”
It’s should be its
“almost agressive in her pursuit”
Should be aggressive
@poison_mara Damn, that’s so hardcore. I’ll definitely give you the chance to explain your insincerity. And I’ll go back and make your responses more open to interpretation!
Oh, I’m also figuring out how to do your lying stat, so that should be in the next big update.
@Jenna_V @Kinruush * aggressively keeps up with typos *
Alright, I’ve fixed them. Thanks for being so thorough! I hope you had fun despite the irritating mistakes 
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It natural for any game with so much text to have few errors. Just calling them out to make it better.
Honestly your writing style is very good and I think you should be pleased with how few typos there are.
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@iris I agree with cascat07. Typos happen to everybody, and this is exactly the time to catch them. You have a really personable style that’s fun to read. Plus, you’re actually taking the time to create, which is more than I’m doing! I love to write, but I can’t be bothered to learn code, so you’re well ahead of me. And, yes, I had fun! I especially loved the option to pick a favorite sibling (or not).
One thing I’d say, though, is that a few of the choices seemed to be false choices upon replay. I’d try to keep those to a minimum where possible. Not every choice needs to have a different branch or a stat boost, but a minor exposition change for flavor would be appreciated; if the player makes a choice, the followup screen should reflect it somehow. Having four choices that lead to identical outcomes can feel very frustrating, and I’d probably go so far as to say it’d be better to offer nothing but a "Next’ button in that case.
@Dreadlord You guys are starting to worry me…
Jk. Yeah, you can kill your family. But probably not in the way you think. Also it’ll be awhile…
@cascat07 Haha, I suppose. I’ll try and remember that not everyone is as much of a judgy asshole as I am 
And thank you! I’m honestly surprised there aren’t more, I’m an awful speller and notepad++ doesn’t have spellcheck.
@Jenna_V Ohh, good point. I was so wrapped up in my personality stats I didn’t think to expand it. I’ll go back and rework some of the conversations to reflect your choices.
My recommendation about lying stats is a hidden variable like por example mara_poison
*create mara_poison 0
*create personality “goodie”
*if (mara_poison >=10)
*set personality “Palpatine”
The mara counter is for each time I choose a wicked charming lying choice +1. When you do that ten times, palpatine check appear like a wild pikachu from the bushes .
*if personality" Palpatine"
You like always fake a smile while imagine your father head hanging on the big chimney in the great hall like a deer. After all he never used it.
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Not much to say as I merely gave it a quick play-through, but goodness me, I did so enjoy it. Well done, please keep sharing your world with us, please. 
hey this isn’t bad am liking this up to know lol
Copy + Paste text into a quote, put your correction under it. No need for huge screenshots.
I’m going to repeat myself -
Update: the journey from when the father returned home until age 6 seemed to fly by. I liked this part of the story but it seemed a lot more breve. I seem to be missing part of the development I recalled before. Maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me.
The ending scene reinforced my intuitive feeling about the Celt/Scottish tales and the ending has my mind wondering what secrets we will see in the future.
I am not sure what the first secret is that I was supposed to find. Was it the deer-guy, ruins or something else?
Anyways, the bolded part that I wrote concerning the pace et all still applies. Job well done @iris
Hi! I just wanted to say that I genuinely enjoyed playing Carhalow. I’m pretty intrigued with the story so far, and like others I also like how we are able to influence our actions and personality from a young age.
I do agree with Jenna_V that I would like my choices to have more impact. During the story for example, there was the option to choose the gifts from our family members, maybe having a some words about how we used the gifts? Like if we chose the book, maybe some dialogue as to how we used it? I know that you already responded to Jenna_V regarding this so honestly I’m not worried about it at all. 
Either way, great job with this!! 
@Arcane_warrior @Taylor_Enean Thank you very much! Haha, I’m glad it’s not bad 
@poison_mara I have only the smallest of clues what ‘Palpatine’ is (Star Wars??) but I think I get your point. I could use this though… I’m getting ideas. By the time you’re 12 or so you could probably be the queen of lies.
@Zolataya [quote=“Zolataya, post:72, topic:14723”]
the journey from when the father returned home until age 6 seemed to fly by. I liked this part of the story but it seemed a lot more breve.
[/quote]
Hm, I was thinking the same thing. Originally part one was supposed to end at age five, but I thought the forest scene was too immersion breaking if you were that young. I think I have an idea for a scene that would come after your siblings and before the birthday that would show some development, have a little bit of branching, and would give some people their much desired ‘evil’ personality. I might start it when I get home from work…
…All of it? The ruins and the deer dude are both a part of the same secret, but also two separate secrets. There are also two tiny ‘blink and you’ll miss’ ones if you play with high knowledge or if you have a high secret stat
@Leliah Thanks! That’s a good idea with the gifts. I’ll add that in. Thanks for giving me such a great suggestion! 
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Palpatine is the star wars emperor. A sly politician that tricked republic given him absolute power and almost eliminate all jedis via cunning treason. The portrait of perfect pure evil machiavelian creature.
Regarding age and ability that was something I was going to bring up. The MC’s internal monologue seems quite adult/mature but the way he/she speaks is still reflective of their age. That makes sense if the player resolves to act more like a normal child but if they don’t I think the prodigy level intelligence should start to show. Both approaches would have their consequences I’m sure but given that I think it’s ok if the MC is doing things a lot younger than a normal kid could.
@poison_mara I thought it was something like that. I wish I could write faster so I could bring Mara Machiavelli to the capitol 
@cascat07 Well, it isn’t actually the MC’s internal dialogue. I’m writing in second person so it’s technically a narrator (Unless I’m writing something like ‘you thought…’ in which case that is your character). However, I did have a really cool chat with Left4Bed that gave me some ideas for a ‘strange’ MC. The secret stat was originally going to be a secret (lol), but I’ve decided instead to use it as a game mechanic. The better you remember your secret, the stranger your dialogue options can be. Unfortunately, you will also be more off-putting to the normies, and your relationship stats will take a small hit 
On the bright side, however, you’ll get some sweet foreshadowing!!! Haha.
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Well for instance there is just no getting around the fact that as an infant you understand language and even nuance in adult body language. The player makes the choice to act more normal or not based on an overheard conversation between their nannies and mother and at that point is only a few weeks old.
@cascat07 Yep! 
That’s when the secret stat is at 10. It decays by 1 every years you grow older, and in that very conversation you can take it down by 3 or 4. By the time you’re six it could be all the way down to 3-- you’re basically a regular child.
One of my goals in the next update is to make the decay much more apparent. So far all I have is the ability to cry if you’re anxious if your stat is lowering, but there will be more added for either side of the scale. With some of the branching I have planned, there should be a loooot more 
In that case if the secret stat is high and you choose to limit the decay instead of saying “I want down!” for instance could it be something like “Mother, please don’t wipe your siliva on my face.” Generally just speaking in a more adult and detached way to indicate the difference? Obviously some variance is going to be there based on kindness and what not. To me that secret stat should be influencing how well you percieve adult actions and conversation as the years go on.
Back again to give my opinion. It’s amazing. I love it and your writing style is good and I haven’t found any flaws other then the fact that I’m impatient for your updates (which are faster then most people’s, so bravo). I like how it’s developing. It would be nice though if you had a save option… I have to restart everytime you update. Other then that I love it. Good job
P. S. I read those books you suggested. I like them. And I understand your frustration that they don’t get updated because now I’m stuck in a never ending cliff hanger. Thanks for the suggestions