at that hidden part…I know right?!
I was thinking : oy all that anger-butthurt of yours…aint cose…you probably did something stupiiiiiiid a long time ago…and ya sealed that thing and now act like a lousy guardian?
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He is a meanie bon beanie.
Oh fuck yep just remembered something else important.
The transformation scene I felt was super underwhelming, I was reading it and getting super into it like “Aww fuck yeah I’m gonna be popular on fur affinity in no time” then after describing my hands becoming paws the whole thing was like
“Ok done now bye.”
And the rest of the body just happened in like one sentence.
Quite anticlimactic.
Just needs to be a bit longer since your descriptions were going really well then just stopped way too quickly.
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I think on the topic of MC feeling a bit like a robot, it’s maybe because I was trying to avoid telling the player how they felt in certain situations. I wanted to focus more on describing the scenes themselves and letting the player decide how they felt instead. 
I love Donni. He’s a huge asshole, but I love him. That might be why I didn’t write the MC freaking out on him, but I suppose I could do that real quick for a couple of the choices. I’m just trying to imagine what it would look like. As for the MC saying Lys would have died if it wasn’t for them, that was more of a “well it’s not like you adults were doing anything about it” situation, but maybe I need to make that clearer?
I’ll keep that in mind for the transformation, too! If you have any more input, I’d love to hear it! 
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well…
one of the choice after the ordeal is over is to thank him…gag…you could blow in his face instead . why would I thank someone I saw in a nightmare chasing my butt for ? then act like its all our fault…I’m like…why didnt you put a mausolem on top of that thing ?!
also found: And as the moon rises higher in the sky, Amon says goodbye. says goodbye, giving Lysandra a hug before leaving with a tired smile on his face.
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I’m adding a few more choices around that scene, so you guys will have to tell me if they make a difference for you or not! They aren’t implemented yet because I’m trying to see what I can add around the werewolf transformation first. 
Also, thanks for the catch! I think I’ve got it fixed in the next version!
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just a though…
but since we can choose to be adopted by either the elder lady…or Pan…parents…shouldnt that choice come first? so the reaction of both fill…more natural . Like if you ask if Pan can suggest someone…again he say ‘my mother’ …where later if you choose to be his sibling…well ya see what I mean . 
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I see what you’re saying, but that would involve me moving quite a bit around and I’m not sure I’m up for something like that just yet. I’ll definitely think about it though, because you make a good point. It’s an oversight on my part.
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And I’m glad you decided to post the topic too! I actually only posted because I wanted to encourage you, and also because there’s still not many posts here yet since it’s still new haha.
10 chapters, great, can’t wait! 
Have you thought about how many chapters you will include in the demo?
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Thank you very much for that! And I’m not really sure how many chapters will be included in the demo yet. I’m planning at least the first 8, I think, but we’ll see if that number changes as development goes on.
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Hopefully the fix I just applied got those spaces under control! 
Unless this story gets entirely out of control, it will all be released together as a single game.
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Oh wow, 8 chapters out of 10 is quite a lot, though obviously no complaint here lol. And I don’t actually know how many chapters demo usually are haha
Anyway, I probably won’t be posting on this thread again, what’s with my awkwardness and all. Would you mind if sometimes I pm you out of nowhere? 
Regardless, hopefully your writing will go smoothly, and have a productive week! 
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I’ve been having a problem with stats around the family choices. When I go out of stats from that area it restarts the book and sets my save file to the beginning as well. I’ve really been enjoying it though. It’s been so enjoyable so far I’m not noticing the time going by.
Never mind it’s working now. I don’t know what happened there.
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@Saiyuki Of course you can PM me! Thanks for dropping in, and you have a great week, too! 
@Stardust_Dolphin I think it’s because I was uploading a couple of fixes while you were playing. Sorry about that! Hopefully it goes smoothly for you now. 
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Love the demo! Also can we have an option to get a nickname? Lys has Lys and so does Magda but everyone has to call my MC Brynden which seems too formal and my mc feels out of place 
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There should be a working nickname system in the game now! I did a once-over and couldn’t find any bugs, so if you guys do, please let me know!
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I got error
mccreation line 362: Non-existent variable ‘nickname’
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Should be all fixed now, thanks!
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hum…maybe make the nickname thing optional? …I guess I just enter the name twice…otherwise…
found: “You have not let me finish, child.” Miava’s voice cuts through the tension between your two friends, (wouldnt : you didn’t let me finish, child’ better?)
“You barely gave me a chance to say anything at all, child. I really wish you would control your temper more. Perhaps it will come with discipline and age.” You and Pan both your rest hands on Lys thinking that the words will upset her once again, but she is surprisingly docile. (you rest your hands) (also calm would be better then docile no?)
“He has not wanted to spoil my own Turning,” she explains carefully (he didn’t want maybe?)
"If a lycanthrope’s body is grievously injured, they may turn to prevent or slow death. (remove the ‘‘or’’?)
also: “I would suggest the hunter Tychon. He knows the woods better than anyone, and he’s fast. Really fast,” she suggests with emphasis, her eyebrows wiggling somewhat comically. (shouldnt this option make a difference? if he really is fast…he should be able to track both mc and Lys during the incident ?)
You call your goodbyes, having had to, once again, knock Pan out of his stunned state. (call? ‘say your goodbyes’ Hum weird XD)
although you were not aware that Pan had been with the Wardens when they had went after Pyrrhos. (remove the ‘‘Had’’)
“Are you sure?” You press a little more, and he lets out another sigh, this one much longer.(this one much longer 'sound weird , could be replaced by 'this one much something…tired…deep…feeled with sorrow…frustration…yes yes…my engrish failing meh lol )
found: The handful of days leading up to the full moon go by in a blur. Miava confirms with Warden Astraia that she will look after Pan during The Turning. She accepts hurriedly, likely knowing that her son will be the safest with her—not that she really expects anything to go wrong. (need to change as I’m running *adopted by Pan’s family)
found: “I need to tell the Wardens.” Astraia stands and manages to convince Juno to do the same. You can tell that she’s thankful that she’ll be keeping a close eye on Pan tomorrow. “We will be back shortly. Look after your sister, Pan.” Your parents depart, and Pan rushes over to you, ready to provide you with the comfort you need.
(sound wrong XD)
also: Miava holds her staff high into the air, the tip glowing a brilliant, golden white. She stands directly next to the monstrous entity, and you see it shrink away from the spell, its skin smoking like the magick is searing its form.
(man Miava is so badass…she just pulled a Gandalf 
)
found: Lysandra and Pan come into view ahead of you, and you raise your hand in greeting. They return it, the both of them practically beaming . You also note that Lys uses the wooden cane given to her by Keeper Naos. You think you see Naos tear up as he tells the three of you to behave, lingering near Lys, and then turning on his heel to head back home.(the by keeper Naos should be changed to your father , its a run where keeper Naos is your parent) .
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Your writing is definitely very professional and great to read. Would not be surprised if you’ve written quite a few stories already.
The beginning in particular felt very homely, despite dragging on a tad what with the dinner and all but I understand why you chose to include such a scene.
One particular nitpick I had with the game was I didn’t quite see the importance of the mc. Well, not yet.
Pan and Lys seems to greatly overshadow us and most choices we had were inquiries on how Pan felt, or what Lys thinks. I’d appreciate more mc centric choices further down the line or whatever you may have planned.
Best of luck.
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