Amazing. I’ve been working on a DnD / RPG style fantasy game myself, but I’m glad to finally play one! I think the world you constructed and your prose are great. Thanks for writing this.
You asked for some feedback, so here goes…
1) No magic?! Noooo!
2) You used *Join instead of *New Join, so when you pick the “real” reason you joined the militia, you’re asked if you’re telling the truth a second time. Only “Yes” is available, so it’s not really that big of a problem.
3) You can hit on Ean regardless of gender. Mistake? It’s cool if it’s not. But I think making seduction gender dependant may add more depth. It could give a player more reason to replay with another character “build”.
4) Stealing the medical supplies only affects stats. It would be interesting to have the player encounter wounded during the battle for Westhaven. The player could decide to use to stolen items and help, at risk of having to explain where they got it, or doing nothing and letting the wounded die.
As a writer / GM, you know what’s happening to the player’s stats, but the player doesn’t, not really. It does add extra burden on writing, which sucks, but doing something like this could provide greater feedback to the player.
5) Need moar evil choices.
How about having a second battle encounter when the player is with Ean? That way the player has a chance to abandon Ean and run off.
I think, even if the player has less than 2 bloyalty, there should be a 50/50 chance of encountering Ean. So they could abandon Ean.
How about an option to loot something from Carran’s corpse?
6) What about limiting the player’s choices?
The “What would you like to know?” choice loop with Commander Carran could be reduced to only a single question. If he’s busy, he may have only a slight moment to spare. The revealed information could then be used to help the player later on potentially.
If the player chooses to know more about…
Commander Carran > Carran could reveal info or an item to the player before he dies.
The threat > the player could not be caught of guard at night, and have some sort of edge during the battle of Westhaven.
Neron > the player could identify him Neron when he appears vs seeing some dude in dark heavy armor flanked by two lackeys
Being attacked > a stealty/cowardly character could bypass all combat and the dying Carran encounter, but still know that the Gorinth Pass is their best bet for survival.
Limiting the what to do in town before the battle choice to two or less choices could also add to replayability and more story/choice depth.
I know that this would take a while to do, especially with having to re-tweak stats, but it’d be awesome.
“As you make your way to the marketplace on the edge of town,the sounds of fighting grow louder and louder.”
should be > “edge of town, the sounds”
"Neron … not human anymore … somthing dark.
should be > “something dark.”
“Your clever plan works, and the Neron’s men head off in the direction you tricked them into going.”
should be > “and Neron’s men”