I just started brianstorming about random weapons and apparel. What about a helmet/mask that breathes fire as a way of intimidation and good torture devise.
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Nope, Iām sometimes more motivated to write this game than doing my schoolwā¦ oh wait, I donāt have schoolwork anymore, nevermind. 
Nope. Already tried. Would be too hard to code since it uses a different type of reloading and incredibly impracticalā¦
Though honestly, practicality wasnāt much of a priorityā¦
Already have a double barrel shotgun. Thereās also a triple barreled shotgun that shoots armour penetrating tungsten rocket slugsā¦ if you can find itā¦
As for the anti-material rifle, I already have plans to put them into the game, but instead of the M107, itās the M95 Barrett. (Becuase bullpups~)
This is already going to be part of the WWII weapons pack
Too hard to code into the game. But Ben is working on a magazine-fed crossbow.
Hmmmā¦ yeah, why not?
ā¦ I can make it even more deadlyā¦
Rushes to Ben and see if we can make a deadly Nerf gun
Iāllā¦ uhā¦ give it a proper name, later. 
Thatā¦ would actually be really hard to code in since you can also use it as a weapon or a distraction deviceā¦
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I actually had my MC buy that from Greg the moment she could afford itā¦ better safe than sorryā¦ so far no oneās tried shooting her in the face
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Itās a 1 in 100 chance with only about 9 different times where you can actually get shot in the face. So far, no oneās experienced itā¦
That moment where youāve written something so hard and no one either talks about it or even knows it existsā¦ 
But hey! Thatās the beauty of a game of choices!
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I, um, actually have my game play set to the easiest setting and have the ādice rollā (as I call it) deactivated so I can focus more on the story when I do my playthroughs . Sorry .
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Itās alright. Iām happy enough to know that people actually like my game! 
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Honey, we LOVE your game!~š
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And thus I will continue to write!
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Yay! More awesome game to come!~
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You said it would be hard to code but not that you couldnāt or wouldnāt put in game.
P.S. I actual did get shoot in the face and my MC was not wearing the special bullet proof mask.
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Who are you purple smiling thing what did you do to max!
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Iām thinking about itā¦ and Ben will have the last say since heās the one who will code the actual thing.
Where was this?
ā¦ Was it Kaidan?
Just trying out something different. I just thought that my old one looked a little bit tooā¦ depressing.
At first I made the smile into an open oneā¦ but then I wanted to be fabulous, so why not make it purple.
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Well it does look very happyā¦and indeed fabulous!
Also donāt know if youāve seen it tho but when i picked the option of just taking my gun with me it says i bring my shovel as wellā¦ kinda hard to hide a shovel i guess.
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I actually prefer your original smile (looks like Gabeās mask) . This purple one looks demented, but I find myself liking it the longer I look at it (Violet is my fave after all 
) maybe you could make the smile wider or creepier as time passes by or as you update (geez that sounds weird sorry)
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it does grow on you if you look at it long enough right?
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Hereās my first batch of feedback, @MichaelMaxwell. I hope thereās something useful in there.
Iāll be back later with moreā¦
Specific Stuff
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Option appears to tell Mouse about our work for the FBI after both calls from Reville, even though the MC is a vigilante, not undercover, and hasnāt turned informant.
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I was hoping for a chance to give the kitten back to Raquel after the attack-that-shall-not-be-thought-too-much-about. Will this be a possibility later?
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The option for Very Easy difficulty is missing when changing difficulty after viewing the tutorial. (the info on the different difficulties is also different than elsewhere)
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Difficulty descriptions in the pre-game menu needs an update.
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Would be nice to have your current incognito status shown in the stat screen. Also an explaination for how itās calculated.
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One single training session with Kaz makes you go from a fit and athletic build to being big and muscled. Really? In one day? Thatās some seriously effective body-buildingā¦
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The lack of increase in the reputations make me wonder what they are even there for.
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Could there be an option for tea as your drink of choice in the prologue?
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If I play on default easy difficulty my luck status is 1, if I change it and then change it back, before starting the game, itās 2.
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I prefer the smiley and chains prologues.
You were smart enough not to continue sawing. Thankfully, the cops left, and you had to wrap everything up. Though you didnāt get a chance at the other safe, all of your partners survived, and for that, you got away with $8,500.
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Wait, I thought I did open both safes? Thatās why I had double money, right?
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The last option for hair style says ācustom coloured hairā.
The night you asked her for help, you told her that you were doing it for the money, and she was immediately on board.
Though she was hesitant at first, she wanted to help you, and she did.
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Saying first that Mouse was āimmediately on boardā, then continue to say that they were āhesitant at firstā seems strange and a bit contrary. (Hardened Criminal)
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I wouldnāt mind more normal name options. Especially since I canāt really use my goto male name for real-world games (Gabriel).
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Mentioning a weight in the thin body option seems weird, when itās not necessarily the weight you end up having.
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More options for being a smartass while interviewed at the precinct would be cool. Or just any options for saying something, without telling on the crew.
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Oh, and this is a pet peeve of mine: 42 is the answer to the ultimate question about life, the universe and everything, not the answer to life, the universe and everything. A subtle, but very important difference.
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It seems strange that Greg and Mouse says you donāt say much, if you chose most, but not all, options while having your mask done.
More General Stuff
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So many missing periods and commas. Pointing them all out gets tedious real fast, and I kinda want to steal your game files and just fix them all, instead. Would be a lot less work. Iām also suspecting that most of them have been pointed out and fixed already.
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You use punctuation in dialogue to put emphasis on specific words, where using italics would often make for a more intuitive, less confusing read.
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Gabriel has a lot of stuttering dialogue. It seems to be for a lot of different emotions/reasons, but to me it intuitively reads as nervousness or embarassment, which is confusing, and kinda takes my mind out of the story. It also makes the parts where heās actually stuttering have less impact.
Mouse does it a lot as well, but that mostly seem to be embarassed stutter, and so it fits. -
You write a lot of times, both in and out of romance, that Mouse āmoansā. It might just be me, but thatās a rather sexually sounding word, and the amount it was used was disturbing, almost creepy to me. A few times are fine, but maybe change some to āgroansā or āgruntsā or āmakes a sleepy soundā?
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Lack of punctuation before dialogue tags is a recuring issue.
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Love the re-naming of trademarks.
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I would really like to see more (any?) references to customization choices in the game (body, face, hair, eyesā¦).
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I like the differences between Avelyne and Edwyn.
Nitpickery:
Prologue - Smiley Part
āAlright, Iāll go through the plan one more time,ā your boss, Picard says in front of you to the left in the driver seat āIāll drive us to the front of the store, you three get outā
- Missing comma after āPicardā. Missing periods after āseatā and āoutā
He looks over to the kid next to him āShotty, youāre the first one in keep the cashier away from the alarm under the counter.ā
He then looks behind to you "Smiley, you and Chains go in back room, handle the manager and make him open the cage,"
He turns to the woman next to you āChains, you will have to handle those safes, and make sure the moneyās inside the bagā
- Missing period after each dialogue tag/before dialogue. Comma after ācageā should be a period. Missing period after ābagā. Should probably be a ātheā before āback roomā.
Like, only 3 of them this time?" your boss says in the driver seat
"Yeah, there used to be 7 of them, right? Wonder where the rest of them went," Shotty replied
- Unsure if āyour bossā should have a capital Y. Missing periods after āseatā and ārepliedā.
(ā¦) breaking your peaceful silence "What are we waiting for again?"
- This part looks a bit chunky, being so short after some very long pages/slides. Maybe push the dialogue to the next line, to break up the paragraph?
āNo! Thatās not what I meant! KFKās Chicken is awesome, and Mike Donaldās Cheeseburger is equally awesome!ā He counters
- Missing period after ācountersā.
āOkay, Okay, Iām backing off, Iām sorry.ā the manager mutters calmly as he slowly backs away from his desk after lifting his hand of the phone.
"Now I need you to calmly get off your chair and open up the cage for me." you say in a smooth and non-urgent tone.
"Okay pal, whatever you need." the fat manager says as he slowly rises from his chair and takes out a pair of keys from his pocket.
- Periods at the end of the dialogues/before the tags, should be commas instead.
āIāll go get it, Clark! Go buy me some doughnuts,ā the female officer beside you screams across the store.
- āShoutsā would be a more fitting choice of word than āscreamsā.
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Youāre talking about the one you find at the warehouse in the end, named Cerberus ? cause that one was
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Yesā¦
Wellā¦ I do have the red version of this.
But Iāll stick with this for now.
Just donāt stare at it too long, else you might plunge into a trance as it unleashes your inner demons to satisfy your most deepest of desires for the glory of Gabriel and the mighty Archangelsā¦
Oh wowā¦ these are absolutely amazingā¦ most of them has already been reported and answered, but still, I LOVE these types of feedback!
Yeah, but your armās not gonna be so click noice after a few shotsā¦That click is your shoulder joint poppingā¦
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Already fixed for the future update.
Already answered. Yes, you can give it back later.
FIXED!
Very well then. ADDED!
You can now view your modifiers and penalty in the Show Stats
Also, fixed the incognito meterā¦
The game counts each time you exercise. Youāll need to exercise three times before your body changes. Sometimes it glitches and counts twice.
Iām planning on taking them outā¦ they donāt really do much besides the FBI rep.
Oh my, how have I not thought of thisā¦ ADDED!
Fixed!
This reminds me, I might want to turn the prologue into the first part of Chapter 1, following the theme of 2 parts for each chapter.
Should I do that?
Fixed!
This was a problem since so many people use the name Michael and Gabriel for their main characters. Hell,my own name is Michael.
But honestly, I really donāt understand why most Hosted Games and CoG games gives you a bunch of generic names for you to choose and then at the end they just give you the option to make your own custom nameā¦
Which was why I chose to make fun of the clichĆ© by adding in abnormal names that the NPCs can sometimes actually react to accordinglyā¦
Iāve been thinking about re-writing the entire first half of the first chapter since it was made back when I was barely getting the hang of Choice script. Now that Iāve gotten way better at it, and now that I have Ben on my side, I can try to re-write most of the scenes in the first chapter with much freedomā¦
(Iāve been meaning to do so since the release of chapter 3ā¦ so no promises Iāll actually come around to it XD)
Ouchā¦ my geekiness just took a huge hit of embarrassmentā¦
FIXED!
Wow, you made Ben grunt on this oneā¦
Fixed!
Yupā¦
I honestly have a lot of those but then youād realize that some of them canāt be fixed because theyāre coded to continue into another sentence or maybe into another scene or somethingā¦
Ah, yes. You can see that I use more of the italics and bolds and both in rising frequency as the story progresses. (Or not, sinceā¦ you knowā¦ this a CYOA gameā¦)
Anyways, if you see anything that deserves a changing let me know!
I would like to just write it off as Gabriel being a stutterer, but nahā¦
I actually do a lot of stuttering when it comes to moments of uncertainty. Not just nervousness of embarrassment. Sometimes Iād do "um"s and "uh"s a lot, but then the old Jeff Goldblum pops up in my head and I immediately turn to stuttering.
Again! if you see any, let me know!
I honestly just now realized this. For me, āmoaningā is when people moan or complain about something, muttering under their breaths sort of thing.
It can also mean someone just muttering in pain or annoyance or very light groaning.
I use the term a lot since I donāt really see it as something sexualā¦ but again, if it really does bother you, then I think Iāll go through and see if I can change a few.
(Just went through all the moans Iāve ever writtenā¦ still donāt see it as sexualā¦ so I decided to leave some of it be.)
Itās the theme of the game, sadlyā¦
Iāll try to go through them and fix them when I see themā¦
Thank you! We had fun coming up with the stupidest of names
Iāve been meaning to write more descriptions and even reactions to your physical appearances. Definitely will keep this in mind when writing!
Thereās not many differences besides dialogue, but I try to make the two a separate personality of the same character
Ooh boyā¦ Cracks knuckles
Uughā¦ re-reading some of the prologues and chapter 1 stuff feels so awkwardā¦
Good god, I didnāt realize how cheesy I was back then.
Itās not that easy to just write dialogues out of thin a -finishes writing- Nevermindā¦
Apparently, just starting a very casual everyday dialogue can really drag onā¦
2 hours later
DONE! Oh sweet chees, help meā¦ I need a breakā¦
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Go to bed, honey! Donāt work yourself to death!
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