BREACH: The Archangel Job - Crime Thriller WIP (SPECIAL UPDATE! 25-December-2017)

nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice
low-fantasy

#1392

@MichaelMaxwell Will Raquel ever speak in the WiP?


#1393

More than likely, no… That is, if you don’t force her.


#1394

Sorry if I’ve been away for awhile I’ve had school and I’ve been really busy. Can I still get into the private thread? I’m completely free this summer so I can help


#1395

Not at this current moment, sorry… :sweat_smile: However! Me and Ben are talking about inviting new people into the private thread once we finish Chapter 3, or at least the first half of it…

Since you were part of the previous private testing, we already have you considered. :smile:


#1396

Thanks for your consideration! I’m really looking forwards to helping out as much I can!!


#1397

Hey ! So apparently I’m late for the party :sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile: and I kinda sad to find out Kaz isn’t romancable for a male MC. I mean, our relationship is up to 117 and now I don’t know what to do with it anymore lol.

Anyway, ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE STORY, THE CHARACTERS AND JUST EVERYTHING. Great work ! I’m waiting for an update!


#1398

The breaks in writing:

“I’m not joking, if you make the wrong move here, it could mean the difference between life and death.”

and

“… oh wait… nevermind, forget I said that last bit…”

ruin immersion for me. I understand the attempt at sarcasm but it kind of falls flat. I think it owuld be better to just remove these altogether.

And wasn’t the tint of the windshield black? How would cops be able to see your mask through that? For the sake of argument, lets say they could see you and you weren’t wearing a mask. The cops would be somewhat suspicious of the running pair carrying bags of money getting inside your car, no? Blaming cops seeing you on your mask is… odd.

Still, the writing is good. But I saw a few minor errors some pages back. I will paste in a bit. :slight_smile:

As you walk home, you start to think about your life. You’ve just committed a crime, and you were okay with it. Hell, for all I know, you could be proud of it. And if you aren’t, don’t worry, you must have had a reason for doing such a thing.

More immersion breaks.


#1399

Might have to work on that… but that is actually necessary, because it hints to a very special reason as to why Gabriel chooses the MC as an Archangel. I’ll be going through it again soon after I finish this big update…

The side windows are tinted black, windshields are very rarely tinted. If it was, you wouldn’t be able to see what’s in front of your car at night…

I’ll be sure to fix them as soon as you do!

Yes, I actually need to work on my transitions in between expositions and actual scenes… It’s a necessary evil, and kinda hard to find the balance unless you’re a skilled writer… which I am not. This is my first game… :sweat_smile:


#1400

Just finished the demo so far, and LOVED IT!!! Really hope all the other chapters come out quickly so I can keep on reading!:smile: I love [spoilers] the part where there was a romance between Edwyn and my character. Super cute, and hope to see more little romantic parts between Edwyn (Mouse) and my character, cause they’re too damn cute!


#1401

I can understand where you’re coming from, but personally I enjoy it. Honestly, it reminds me of the first A Series of Unfortunate Events book by Lemony Snicket, and how occasionally he would break the fourth wall and speak to the readers :relaxed:.


#1402

Thank you! Unfortunately, I’m currently working on chapter 3, which will only be available in the private testing thread, I’m very sorry… :sweat:. However! I will also be working on a few side-stories (hangouts with the crew), heist missions, and other stuff in the game which will be available in both public, and private testing :relaxed:

That’s exactly what I was going for. It’s hard to find a seamless transition, however, I’m currently experimenting with Rook (which is also only available in the private testing thread, sorry :sweat: )

Speaking of which, in a few weeks, I will be finishing the first half of chapter 3, and I will be inviting new willing testers into the private thread. Me and Ben have been considering who we would want to invite. And so far, we have a couple of slots left…

I’m very sorry for not being active, but rest assured, I’m still alive, still writing, and still wondering whether or not I should sell my car…

On a more serious note, expect an update in a week or so… :wink:


#1403

I loved it. I never thought i would be fantasizing about turning a interactive WIP novel into a AAA first person shooter, Similiar to payday series. I have some issues with it tough, some scene or characters REPEAT themselves and it messes up continuity for example uh spoilers: when youre asking questions directed to gabriel in chapter 2 in disorder and greg keeps repeating “you dont speak much do you” if you choose to be silent, he also said that at the mill, and at the interrogation scene the male cop repeating “acknowledge what im about to say” twice if you choose silence. Im also not very fond of the jokes that gets thrown at you, altough i did chuckle it broke my … immersion, perhaps if you make it so a character tells them, some id like to be removed like the towel slipping off, gives me a feeling of the game not taking itself seriously, but hey thats just me! anyway keep up the good work


#1404

…No. The game is supposed to be humorous. I found that scene funny.


#1405

A comedy crime thriller… sounds good, I guess. My preferences are less comedy more action

Id want a crime thriller novel to be more serious but its up to the author


#1406

Thank you! I always thought of the game to be more of a… Bioware type First Person Shooter. But always imagined my game to be more of a movie.

Ah yes, most of these are coding problems, or me forgetting that I’ve written them before. I’ve been going through the game again more than a few times, and I did realize that a few scenes replay themselves, and a few dialogues and actions are repeated.

I’ll be sure to fix them in the next update… if I find out what’s causing them to repeat. (This game is a huge mess of jumbled codes. To find the cause would be to find a single straw of hay in a stack of needles…)

Yes, I do believe some of them are a little… forced, or, somewhat far out of topic, or just purely random.

Like I’ve said, I’ve been trying to find the best combination of action and comedy. I know enough not to include too much comedy in action scenes, for fear of breaking the immersion. But honestly, It’s a bad habit of mine to lighten serious scenes…

I can’t help but add a few jokes here and there to lighten a mood. Which I know sometimes isn’t really necessary. I’ll be sure to go through them again.

I guess, I should be selling the game as a comedy-crime thriller rather than just a crime thriller. But in it’s core, the game is more of an action lined crime strategy type of gameplay… at least that’s how I intend it to be.

The game and story has strayed far, far away from it’s original purpose… :laughing:

Well, glad someone thinks it’s funny… :sweat_smile:


#1407

So just out of curiosity how is chapter 3 going if you don’t mind me asking and also will there be a option to go slay siege on the outfit hideout


#1408

It’s going well! I’m about to wrap up the first half, before moving on to the next heist, which is the jewellery store (Which will be available for the public testing too!)

Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say… Yes. Yes there will be.


#1409

Seconded. Also, The thing you said about taking over chicago, Do you take over the city for YOU or Michael and the gang? Can you eliminate both opposing factions(leaders probably) and take the city for yourself? Can you kill each and every member of your gang? evil laughter


#1410

Awesome and I love the fact you that you be putting it up for public testing


#1411

I won’t spoil what happens in the end, but I’ll say yes, you can take over Chicago for yourself. And yes, you can sure try to eliminate both opposing factions. Don Lavadechi from the Outfit, or Michael and Gabriel from The Archangels…

… But good luck trying to kill Michael and Gabriel… :smirk:

Without revealing anything, yes. Yes you can…

Most stuff like side-stories, hangouts with crew members, items in Gregory’s Glorious Goods, and the three main heists will be available for the public testing. However, Anything above Chapter 2 will only be available for testing… :sweat_smile: