BREACH - Crime Thriller WIP (Update #40 30-March-2019) (800k~ Word)

comedy
young-adult-fiction
gender-choice
nonbinary-inclusive
#3809

Oh, if you fail the skill check (I did 20 times, long story short I was shot like 10 times, -8 to agility stat), you actually fall to your death from 80 stories high

Wow… My cats came from the breeder already spayed and neutered…

2 Likes
#3810

Hey its been while since I was on this forum and glad to be back. I have a quick question about this update which is what is going to be included? By the way you are an amazing writer!

1 Like
#3811

Everything will be fine, just channel your inner Raquel.

7 Likes
#3812

This was a huge problem when writing because however it is was going to do it, it would feel rushed anyway because Gabriel’s romance scene was only meant to be near the end of the story… in part 2.

I will need to discuss this with my co-author. If any of you have suggestions, feel free to throw them at me, whatever it may be for.

I can’t believe it either :laughing:

Hmm… maybe I should do that :thinking: I do have a list of their info database that includes everything I need to know about them. Including their height, weight, hobbies, past lives, events, and many other useful or useless things such as education history or favourite food, colour, and music preference…

Well, right now, I can tell you that Rook is actually a bit taller than Gabriel, but Bishop is much taller than both of them at 193 cm (6’4"). Gabriel is 185 cm (6’1"). Raquel is 162 cm (5’3") and Hayne is 183 cm (6’)

MC’s height varies from bodytype and randomization.

November f-

Rook: Don't you dare!

… Fine…

They are somewhat teased in the game as clues Greg will mention that he worked with Gabriel in the Canadian JTF-2, but never mentioned Michael there. Bishop will mention that he’s worked with Michael while Bishop was in the Royal Marines, and Michael was in the SAS. But both Rook and Bishop will mention that they were working with Michael and Gabriel as a special forces team independent (And partially unknown) to any country. Out of all, Rook will slip out the most information…

Rook: Hey! I can keep my mouth shut if I wanted to!
Bishop: IF he wanted to...

Technically, yes… But she’ll also be angry at you…

… Not even google translate could make sense of that in separated translations…

His French in not perfect, give him a break :laughing: Carly on the other hand speaks fluent French and Flemish but prefers to speak French. If there’s any mistakes with her, please do let me know.

Mouse is a bit special at times… Maybe I should let the MC ask what her dreams were :thinking:

Yes, yes you did, right before the day it could’ve happened

I currently have no idea what the full update will include, but right now, it’s Carly’s and Charlie’s 3rd hangouts.

Thank you!

I didn’t base Raquel on myself, I based it one of my best friend :sweat_smile: … And ex…

Also, my cats now have 4 kittens and I am very concerned…

16 Likes
#3813

I hope everything went okay, that there were no complications. Aww, but now you’re going to have kittens running around you home. Cute! :heart:

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#3814

Congratulations! :cat::black_heart::cat:

And don’t worry, most cats are instinctively good mothers.

Has she had kittens before? (And have you?)

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#3815

I have been there many a time. Although my cat usually had hers in the ceiling… or the wall one time… The worst place yet was my parents’ bed. I had to deal with that one, too.

Do you know anything about kitten care? The one who knows best what kittens need are their mothers, of course, but just in case you (or anyone reading this comment really) need to know anything in the event of those what if scenarios coming true, I recommend the youtube channel Kitten Lady. She’s a kitten foster mom and an expert, so she’s got lots of good information.

…Actually, even if you don’t need the information, I recommend her channel anyway cuz it’s nothing but videos full of adorable kittens and who doesn’t need that once in a while?

5 Likes
#3816

In terms of the Gabriel and Raquel romances, perhaps you should add some more flirtatious moments into existing scenes,

For Gabe There’s a lot of potential in the Vamcorp heist. When the MC falls out the window in Vamcorp and Gabe pulls them back in, the MC could end up on the floor underneath him and he could ask if they’re okay. Also when they’re fixing up at the end of the heist, there’s a bit when you go to wrap the bandage around him and he does it for you, but instead you could actually do it in a sort of weird hug moment. I think it could also be really cute if sometimes he let it sleep that he thinks you’re pretty/cute, like when he’s shot up in the van

I also think it might be good to have flirt dialogue options throughout his interactions that could change how he interacts with you slightly. like you could change the hugs slightly that when you flirt with him, he puts his hand in your hair, or if you get shot, he checks on you and maybe squeezes your hand. Silly cute little gestures that makes it obvious that there’s some repressed emotions there

In terms of Raquel, when she’s stitching you up, you could add in the MC trying to have a conversation with her, or helping her. in the house of fluff, you could give the MC an option of where to sit, so they could sit next to Raquel. Also if Raquel ever gets injured, it could be interesting to have the MC doing the stitching.

18 Likes
#3817

I was wondering if we could have a option to be like the main 3 and never take are mask off and keep name a secret. If Raquel has been watching us for a while already and is fed up with Gabriel then maybe shes so willing to jump in bed so quickly is cause shes already in love with us from watching us?

Ps Bon Jovi fits really well with this games and its characters

4 Likes
#3818

Thankfully there was no complications. The babies are being fed milk and so is the mother.

Yes, she’s had 3 before, one was a stillborn, but I had to give the other two away to a friend.

Thank you but my mum would kill me if she was to see the little kittens. The possibility of her having a heart attack just by hearing their tiny meows is actually very likely.

I’m having a friend over to possibly pick them up and then they’ll take care of them after they’ve been with their mother for as long as necessary.

These are actually really good suggestions. I’ll keep then in mind on the re-writes. Gabriel’s romance is going to have a bit more background soon.

Maybe, maybe not… depends on how to you play your MC :wink:

Quite a few songs fit the game, but I’m making a playlist of songs soon for the characters inside the game.

8 Likes
#3819

I cant wait to see mouse’s reaction to Raquel being in bed with you assuming mouse’s reaction is different from the other RO’s

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#3820

I imagine it going something along the likes of

“Hey [player] wait who is that-"

Is promptly cut off my Raquel doing something over the top. probably leveling a gun at mouse’s head

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#3821

Damn I missed a lot.

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#3822

Raquel does scare mouse so I also forsee mouse wetting her self as well as something over the top by Raquel.

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#3823

Not for every RO, but for special ones, yes…

You’re not far off :sweat_smile:

Don’t worry it’s mostly messing about. Just know that the game will be split in half with the split happening in chapter 4.

Mouse is absolutely scared of Raquel, and Michael

5 Likes
#3824

I take that as a yes to mouse peeing her self when she sees Raquel with us

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#3825

So if I do a new playthrough (you know, for the glorious grammatical edits), should I just ignore the intro sequences, like the police station and the morning of our arrest? It’s being updated, anyway. Would you take suggestions in that case?

#3826

Ignore any tiny minute detailed errors, if there’s something game breaking or inconsistent, let me know. Or any suggestions for the rewrite

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#3827

Well fuck me running, Raquel romance lived up to its “potential” existance.

And the fact I could reach it without three or four variable crashes, or got forbid that sequence of numbers was a pretty nice bonus :wink:

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#3828

I have to know who is taller mouse or Raquel

1 Like