I Won’t lie. It’s big.
Summary
Add period after crimes
Add hyphen after non, change weapon to weapons
Add apostrophe before the s in that’s, maybe remove the comma
I’d remove “set of”, it just seems odd in this context. Maybe change to “he inhales”. That’s how I’d write it anyway.
So… Greg has access to fucking anti-air missiles, anti-tank rockets (I assume rockets, anyway)…
I’m almost afraid to ask how… A dirty bomb has similar effects to a nuke (you know, without the fireball). Perhaps a future plot point in which the Cartels acquire one?
Should be “they aren’t”
Add apostrophe before em
Maybe change the word uniform as it’s used here to uniforms? btw Why can’t we access these in the store?
Why can’t I use these?
Add period after point.
okok so I get the fact that it’s game-breaking, but why even include this if we can’t even acquire these vehicles?
Says should be said
Wow… I’ve never actually seen a tilde used in writing… Not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just unusual for me.
Capitalize because, add a period after with
Ask should be asks
$ 51,268,000???
Maybe this could be changed to “he grimaces”?
Buddy we’ve been talking about your services for the past 10 minutes… And why are there 2 questions about Greg’s services? There’s a way to make certain options impossible after tripping a certain variable…
My dad never could bring me to one of those…
Just a comment here. This Brit English is making me see typos that aren’t really there. Defense isn’t usually spelled with a c… But it isn’t really a typo… In Britain, anyways…
I’d capitalize Cobra
So uh, what happened to using codenames when we’re about to fight? Or do codenames go into effect after masks are donned?
Should be “footsteps are”
Why can’t people with the name Carmine ever catch a break…
remove the -ed from leaned.
Should be "you are fast enough to respond
Settled should be settles
Add period after side
It wasn’t the voice yelling “Go away” that made you think that?
Kinda odd… We’ve seen Raquel before, so why does the writing make me feel like our character’s never seen her? “that must” just makes it feel like we assume that the person we see is Raquel… idk. maybe I’m wrong.
Remove “releases a”, change it to sighs.
So, my stomach acid isn’t spilling into my body, corroding my organs? Nice! add period after shot.
It… It returns… GOD NO. Anyways, I chose to pick up the ak47, changed my mind, then backed out of that screen. I was using the MP5 that we were given earlier. I’m an engineer, if that effects the gun we’re given at the church.
So uh… How does this happen?
You mean… Someone was wearing this? And it hasn’t been washed?
Capitalize you
Add a period after tail, now, and outside
Add period after pocket
Add period after shop
Add period after uriel
Didn’t we grow up in an orphanage? Was the mc allowed to roam the streets? I assume not…
Add question mark after carly
Add period after mask
Should be wound, not wounds. I was shot once. In the stomach not multiple times.
I’ve a recommendation… Change eternal to ethereal. I like it. It makes some sense, as Gabriel’s an Archangel and all… Whether or not he conducts himself as such (in hindsight, no) is up for debate. Oh lord I’m stupid the smile’s referring to the one on his mask, isn’t it?
If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make everyone’s mask in payday 2. I really need a better hobby.
I’ll keep this in mind…
My bad.
I’m hyperventilating right now.
