Oh, I really want to insult Rook now, I’m too proud of that chess club joke. Unless it’s been made already.
Unnecessary comma after cartels.
goes should be go, remove comma
Stuff should be things, or the sentence should be “I have some stuff I need you to do”
should should be shoulder
Here, mouse is referred to as female “Raquel stares at her”. Mouse in my game is a dude, seen here:
yeah, it’s strange.
I’d remove the first instance of going.
I’d remove “of a”
Pull should be pulls
Unless mouse has multiple shirts in-hand, these should be this.
So, will dates remain the same? Or will you update them to present-day/near future?
Sofa should be sofas.
How come I’ve never realized this? Do I lack basic detail perception? I mean, I knew about the whole joke where everyone called you Gabriel for a time. But wasn’t your profile pic purple once?
Using morbidly seems out of place here. I’d use terribly, horribly, very, and other synonyms. Morbid means diseased (at least, form what I’ve learned in my medical class), or an “abnormal/unhealthy interest in death-related matters.” but hey, do whatever.
I mean, this isn’t a big deal. But the term fella, indicative of male, followed by the “fella” being Sarah, confused me a bit. btw is this a Life is Strange reference? I’ve never played, but some of the characters sound familiar.
Should be “she says angrily”
I wouldn’t say she’s complaining it. Maybe recalling it? idk, complains seems like a strange choice of words.
I’d add a comma after wait. but should it be there? hmmm. idk.
Uniform should be uniforms
Hop should be hops.
Add period after relief?
So… about the elevators. At VAM Tower. The commercial elevator limit is 500 meters (Thanks for that insanely helpful factoid, physics class!), so why do we get onto a second elevator? Unless VAM tower has abnormal ceiling heights, causing it to be higher than 500 meters at 100 stories. I’m sorry man I’m just really focused on a construction test for my physics class. ignore this
Colonel should be capitalized, iirc. Proper noun. unless it isnt…
And this does it for tonight.