BoysLove AlohaBeach

Intro
So this is my first time writing an interactive story and posting it on this forum. First thing first, I’m not a native English speaker but I am good at language since I prefer to use it a lot. Still bear with me if there is any wrong grammar that you read or misspelling. Second, this is a boy’s love story or commonly known as BL, In which you will play as a locked gender male gay character and BL story experience. Yet this is a story not just about romance or dating simulation, but it also tackles coming out and has a slice of life theme, you’ll find out more if you play the demo. This story game is not just for gay or people who love to read BL, but this story is open to all, including straight readers if you want to try, and if you don’t like reading boys’ love story then this isn’t for you.

Summary
You’re a gay guy in the closet living in a religious town with Dad for a Pasta (Pastor). Then one day you got outed forcing you to run away from home. Your Mom manages to find you and tells you about your grandparents in Hawaii. There in Hawaii you will experience a wholesome journey of life. In which; will you find love? Drama? A wholesome magical adventure?

  • Play as a male gay character and experience your own BL story as an MC.
  • Go through a wholesome journey of coming out and plan on what to do with your life.
  • Enjoy a Boy’s love story meeting the three RO’s available in the story you’ll meet which you have no choice to reject at all. (You have to choose an RO because it’s a BL story but you can break up with them in the end if want. The readers will also have a lot of time to decide which RO to date since I’ll make sure you the reader experience friendship with them first.)
  • Work at your Grandparent’ diner and find out if you can handle it.
  • Experience the family drama and awkwardness that comes along with it.
  • Enjoy the island and find some of its secrets that are yet to be discovered.
**Author's note (Possible spoilers)**

So I’m gonna ask it myself now, why write this story? Well, I’ve enjoyed reading interactive novels and when I play; my MC is always male and gay. When I try to do the romance route in the story and the reaction from NPCs has always felt unreal in some way. I mean I understand that who would read an interactive novel filled with homophobic NPCs but I want to write a story in which there is the reality of what’s like being gay the story, filled with the acceptance and other variation of reactions to experience reality in the story itself. I also read a lot of BL and Yaoi, so I want to apply that type of fictional boys’ love story in an interactive novel setting.

This interactive novel isn’t about just romance between two boys but it also let’s the reader experiences the hardship of being gay MC from people who can’t understand or don’t accept it but it’s also filled with acceptance in which some people will love and understand the MC. I know that interactive novels give an escape for the readers to leave the stress and problems in life for a moment to experience a whole different world that interactive novels offer. For me this interactive novel that I’m writing is experimental and I have doubts if I should even continue writing this but for now, I’m continuing it. I don’t know if I’m the first one to write this kind of story topic or there is already like this but I want to write it anyway and hope that many would enjoy it.

Note:
I was supposed to upload the finished chapter 1 to 3, but only 40% of chapter 3 due to some delays, but I will probably upload it in late January or early February, I hope… And please provide feedback after playing the demo and tell me if there is any misspelling and a sentence or grammar that is hard to understand.

Note:
I was supposed to upload the finished chapter 1 to 3, but only 40% of chapter 3 due to some delays, but I will probably upload it in late January or early February, I hope… And please provide feedback after playing the demo and tell me if there is any misspelling and a sentence or grammar that is hard to understand.

Warning Note!
The demo contains possible triggering content that includes homophobic remarks that are not intended to discriminate against the reader or the LGBTQ+ community but is part of the story itself. So player reader discretion is advised . And if you do encounter this part of the story, please provide feedback so I can assess if I should moderate it or add a skip option to it or improvise perhaps or if it’s just fine.

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/play/zavarian12/boyslove-alohabeach/mygame/

68 Likes

Hey there,

Firstly thanks for sharing your writing here. I’m looking forwards to reading through.

Feedback

  • From the very start, I feel that considering you stated you aren’t a native English speaker, you have done an incredible job overcoming that potential barrier. Aside from a few issues noticed throughout, I wouldn’t have been able to tell otherwise.
  • The stats for Weak Heart and Strong hearted have underscores instead of spaces. So they read Weak_Hearted and Strong_Hearted.

Thoughts
I have mixed feelings about what you’ve written. I think you are touching on a topic that is very nuanced and requires a delicate and sensitive approach. I appreciate the story you are trying to tell, however, I am concerned after reading the demo that your depiction of the MC coming out as gay feels rather stereotyped into the ‘religious family, total lack of acceptance, conversion therapy’. Partly I feel like this comes from it being mostly relegated to flashbacks.

Given the story you are trying to tell, my personal view is that this is a vital aspect of the story and the MC’s motivations and existence in this story. If I could ask for you to do one thing differently, I would prefer that the MC’s revelation on their sexuality and their subsequent coming out be explored in real time. I think the relationships with the father and the two friends could be explored in much greater depth to allow them to exist as three-dimensional characters that may have an array of complex and conflicted feelings towards their son/best friend coming out as gay. With it being relegated to a flashback, I personally felt these relationships were a bit shallow and didn’t feel as invested in the MC’s reaction to run away as I didn’t connect with their feeling of hurt and loss from the received reactions.

I do however, thing this is a very good first draft/demo and am very excited to follow this work in progress as you continue to write more and to develop your ideas. Huge congratulations for coming this far and I’m excited to see more :slight_smile:

6 Likes

Thank you for being my first feedback in my demo🙂

Firstly about the religious household and lack acceptance being stereotypical is I quite understand your point but I wanted this to be foundation or setting of my story and based this on my own country society I live in where it’s a struggle still coming out even now.

As for being relegating it to all flashbacks😅 I made this intentional because I felt it comfortable telling it this way and the easiest for me in depicting the MC’s past and didn’t much emphasize it because I justed wanted to write Hawaiian scene and the romance scene but thank you for pointing it out.

Second about the sexuality of the mc being gay and the relationship Between the best friends and dad. I can’t spoil the future of the story but due time it will be explored more indepth in the future and the mc sexuality as well. I know it was very short with interaction with Dad and the two best friends but I’ll look into it if I can do more in the beginning, but (possible spoiler) they’ll still all meet in the future chapters of the story.

And thank you again for your feedback and I will use this to make the story more better in the future :relaxed:

While I understand that It may feel stereotypical, even in the U.S. there are plenty of religious denominations that still believe in conversion therapy and often post their thoughts and rants on Youtube. Reading the comments on these videos, you will find plenty of comments from people claiming that they are no longer gay or are having trouble dealing with these sinful thoughts. It truly is a sad thing to see, and they are so indoctrinated that replying to them would probably make them fall deeper into their convictions. It would take days, if not years to change their mind.

Of course only a small portion of them do this, but pointing out that it still happens no matter how small the group is not saying that they all do it. However, no matter how bad the author portrays these denominations to be, they would still be accurate.

10 Likes

Ah, I see. Thats a bit disturbing. We don’t, to my knowledge, have any widespread use of conversion therapy or strong religious convictions against homosexuality in Britain. Whilst it still exists, it isn’t quite in the same context as what is being portrayed in this book. So thank you for bringing that up.

I suppose, drawing from that a larger point of what I was hoping to explore is that whilst still an issue, I personally felt that as a result of what I specified on my lack of investment in the characters hurt it felt a bit more stereotypical. I still believe both can be explored further, however the author has said that they plan this so all I get to do is look forwards to it :slight_smile:

Thanks for picking me up on my lack of knowledge @Phantmwolf :slight_smile:

1 Like

So far it is an interesting and well constructed story.

The only part so far, is that their is a paragraphs that repeat. It is when the grandmother tells the driver, “sorry forget her name” to not be late for work tomorrow.

Other than that, can not wait to see how everything plays out.

1 Like

Really? Thank you, I’ll see to it☺️

Yey! A BL story! The demo is great, though I would like to have it much longer. Overall it’s good, looking forward to seeing the release.

1 Like