@GameCarpenter thank you for your comments truly! Once I upload the next “official” update adding more to chapter one, hopefully it’ll give you an idea of where the story is heading towards. The prologue is more of a “what life was before” so I kept it a little short but I am working on adding more to it, and in order of your comments:
1: I honestly didn’t think someone would do the check option first that’s pretty hilarious, maybe I’ll throw in some random fillers for the heck of it
2: I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll add more into those options in the next update giving the player a choice about how the MC feels about the situations.
3: I didn’t realize the awkwardness or the fact I was changing the tenses, I’ll work on restructuring it!
4: I’ll add in the prompts for the customs soon in the customize now, I’ll admit I was really tired when I was coding that part and kind of just threw it in there as a place holder.
5:Ooh that 's a good suggestion, I’ll add it in to both the templates
6:Thanks for catching that, for some reason I keep typing abit rather than a bit. I’ll fix that and try to look for more spots that I did that bc I know I more than likely missed some as I tried to do a quick check before I uploaded the demo.
7&8: That does make more sense, I’ll work on it. I’ll be sure to add the colors in parenthesis to the dye colors too since some of them may sound misleading to others.
9: Thank you for catching that
10: @Zenobrighter I did a quick fix of the fear loop since it was just a matter of accidentally putting the wrong label to goto
11: That is true, I kind of left it open-ended for the readers. Although, I do admit for me that is super tall (at least it is for me since I’m rarely around tall people anymore and I’m short af at 5’2/5’3 ish ) I will change it in the customize version though to reflect on the chosen gender
12: Merde, I will fix that.
13: I’ll add more to the blanket fort option, probably that once you get out from under the blankets you make Briar and Luca help you. Probably make it a fun section where you can decide the colors and style of the fort like the height and etc. Suggestions for that are welcome from anyone as well
14: Will fix that typo, as well as breaking down the run on sentence.
15: It was supposed to allude to how the styrofoam containers looked like they were about to burst open just like how a turkey overstuffed with stuffing can look like I’ll work on rephrasing and sentencing it better.
16: Thank you I will fix that!
17: Yes, yes it will, once the winter break ends the MC&friends will be attending the school that’s at the base/compound/etc. Also the explanation of Briar’s schooling (as well as the part where you see her talking to the doctor briefly in the hospital room if I’ve added it I can’t remember) alludes to what she’ll be doing when classes start.
18/19: I will change that, I’m actually making the drive even longer bc technically the gas station scene takes place around 2-4 am and by the time the drive is over the time would be maybe around 7-8 am and now I’ll be adding in a part where you can choose who to ride with instead and then choose what to do during parts of said ride. I’ll also fix and restructure the ‘you were somewhere’ part, I really need to keep a better watch on where I flip tenses
20/21: I will fix the fact that ‘is’ is missing or change it to something like ‘you realize where you are as it dawns on you’ or ‘recognition dawning on you, you realize where you are’. I will also fix the capture scene and try to keep it in first person
22: I’ll add in some more for the description about ‘tall mom’ and the crowd around her, will probably add in some more conversations with Donny too since the last part with them cracked me up when I wrote it. Probably if an MC is more suave than stoic making a joke/reference about their name.
23/24: Thank you! There definitely will be more possibilities regarding them story wise. I’ve been having a lot of fun brainstorming the possibilities of what they can evolve out into depending on the character’s Devilry skill. I also plan on fleshing out the primeval’s and their personalities as well so they all don’t sound the same because they’re not. Since I eventually plan on at some point having each of them possibly appear in the story in some way or in a future sequel. Especially Soleil since she is one of the official scribes/chroniclers of history.
25: I will hide that so it won’t show up for people who didn’t choose the option where their primeval was Nerida and change it to where it can only be selected once, or three times and the MC can seriously annoy her
26: Which cut scenes are you speaking of? The time jumps or just all the cut scenes in general? I will work on rewriting them
27: I’ll work on rewriting that scene as well to help set the scene better, like a part where the MC actually makes it into the kitchen and sees a back door of sorts open and then turns around to flee back down the hallway or to grab some sort of self defense and then gets ambushed adding more to the fact that the house ends up chilly inside. You just gave me the idea for that so thank you very much.
Lastly, again thank you so much for your detailed comments.
I would also like to add that the next “official” update will be on the 16th most likely adding the fixes I mentioned above and a few more scenes to chapter one including actually getting to talk to the rest of the RO’s and some additional scenes.