Blades Of Damascus (WIP) {Minor Update 05/11/19}

young-adult-fiction
modern-fantasy
gender-choice
#21

@GameCarpenter thank you for your comments truly! Once I upload the next “official” update adding more to chapter one, hopefully it’ll give you an idea of where the story is heading towards. The prologue is more of a “what life was before” so I kept it a little short but I am working on adding more to it, and in order of your comments:

1: I honestly didn’t think someone would do the check option first that’s pretty hilarious, maybe I’ll throw in some random fillers for the heck of it :grin:

2: I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll add more into those options in the next update giving the player a choice about how the MC feels about the situations.

3: I didn’t realize the awkwardness or the fact I was changing the tenses, I’ll work on restructuring it!

4: I’ll add in the prompts for the customs soon in the customize now, I’ll admit I was really tired when I was coding that part and kind of just threw it in there as a place holder.

5:Ooh that 's a good suggestion, I’ll add it in to both the templates

6:Thanks for catching that, for some reason I keep typing abit rather than a bit. I’ll fix that and try to look for more spots that I did that bc I know I more than likely missed some as I tried to do a quick check before I uploaded the demo.

7&8: That does make more sense, I’ll work on it. :slightly_smiling_face: I’ll be sure to add the colors in parenthesis to the dye colors too since some of them may sound misleading to others.

9: Thank you for catching that :grimacing:

10: @Zenobrighter I did a quick fix of the fear loop since it was just a matter of accidentally putting the wrong label to goto

11: That is true, I kind of left it open-ended for the readers. Although, I do admit for me that is super tall (at least it is for me since I’m rarely around tall people anymore and I’m short af at 5’2/5’3 ish :laughing:) I will change it in the customize version though to reflect on the chosen gender

12: Merde, I will fix that.

13: I’ll add more to the blanket fort option, probably that once you get out from under the blankets you make Briar and Luca help you. Probably make it a fun section where you can decide the colors and style of the fort like the height and etc. Suggestions for that are welcome from anyone as well

14: Will fix that typo, as well as breaking down the run on sentence. :slightly_smiling_face:

15: It was supposed to allude to how the styrofoam containers looked like they were about to burst open just like how a turkey overstuffed with stuffing can look like :smile: I’ll work on rephrasing and sentencing it better.

16: Thank you I will fix that! :slightly_smiling_face:

17: Yes, yes it will, once the winter break ends the MC&friends will be attending the school that’s at the base/compound/etc. Also the explanation of Briar’s schooling (as well as the part where you see her talking to the doctor briefly in the hospital room if I’ve added it I can’t remember) alludes to what she’ll be doing when classes start. :grin:

18/19: I will change that, I’m actually making the drive even longer bc technically the gas station scene takes place around 2-4 am and by the time the drive is over the time would be maybe around 7-8 am and now I’ll be adding in a part where you can choose who to ride with instead and then choose what to do during parts of said ride. I’ll also fix and restructure the ‘you were somewhere’ part, I really need to keep a better watch on where I flip tenses :grimacing:

20/21: I will fix the fact that ‘is’ is missing or change it to something like ‘you realize where you are as it dawns on you’ or ‘recognition dawning on you, you realize where you are’. I will also fix the capture scene and try to keep it in first person :grin:

22: I’ll add in some more for the description about ‘tall mom’ and the crowd around her, will probably add in some more conversations with Donny too since the last part with them cracked me up when I wrote it. Probably if an MC is more suave than stoic making a joke/reference about their name.

23/24: Thank you! There definitely will be more possibilities regarding them story wise. I’ve been having a lot of fun brainstorming the possibilities of what they can evolve out into depending on the character’s Devilry skill. I also plan on fleshing out the primeval’s and their personalities as well so they all don’t sound the same because they’re not. Since I eventually plan on at some point having each of them possibly appear in the story in some way or in a future sequel. Especially Soleil since she is one of the official scribes/chroniclers of history.

25: I will hide that so it won’t show up for people who didn’t choose the option where their primeval was Nerida and change it to where it can only be selected once, or three times and the MC can seriously annoy her :laughing:

26: Which cut scenes are you speaking of? The time jumps or just all the cut scenes in general? I will work on rewriting them :slightly_smiling_face:

27: I’ll work on rewriting that scene as well to help set the scene better, like a part where the MC actually makes it into the kitchen and sees a back door of sorts open and then turns around to flee back down the hallway or to grab some sort of self defense and then gets ambushed adding more to the fact that the house ends up chilly inside. You just gave me the idea for that so thank you very much. :grinning:

Lastly, again thank you so much for your detailed comments.

I would also like to add that the next “official” update will be on the 16th most likely adding the fixes I mentioned above and a few more scenes to chapter one including actually getting to talk to the rest of the RO’s and some additional scenes.

5 Likes
#22

This. Game. Is. Amazing! Keep it up!

#23

It’s interesting have to see where it gose

#24

Ah, for 26 I could have used some better punctuation =]. I meant the hard cut, scene changes =]. The one I noticed especially was the car ride cut to the compound at the end there. Initiating a time jump forward, then starting in on the new scene before going back to describe what happened and establish the setting is interesting as a stylistic choice. It makes for a frenetic pace which does keep things moving along. Personally though, I like to know the context of a scene before getting into its content. =P

The blanket fort thing for me is mostly about having a choice that ends up seeming arbitrarily wrong, and in that sense, false. I wasn’t expecting all that much from it, just the ability to express the mc’s personality by doing it. Really the reaction is more or less what I had expected even if I had succeeded in the attempt =]

I’ll have to take a fresh look at it after the update to see how it all unfolds =]

2 Likes
#25

Hey everyone! Letting you know I did update the demo, mostly a rework of the prologue and a few additional scenes to chapter 1!

The demo is now a total 31,011 words.
It currently ends at the hospital scene still and will continue on from there when I next update. I was originally hoping to add more and then move onto the next scene for chapter one, but as soon as I started on the bug fixes I ended up getting carried away in recoding :roll_eyes:

If your curious to what was all added it is now on the original post under the Update 4/16/19. I hope you all enjoy :slightly_smiling_face:

As a side note: one of the upcoming or revised scenes in the next update will have the MC actually talk to and ask questions to the RO’s is there any general or specific questions you would like to see the MC ask to them?

7 Likes
#26

well mother good person but age 20 you are dead man walking

#28

I really like what you so far I’ve played it with each of the primevals but I have to say my favorite is Atlas so far

#29

@Zeus thank you for that! Honestly Atlas has been my favorite to write :sweat_smile: His personality is based off the sloth demons from dragon age so its been fun to write his interactions.

@Smol_Tatortot what do you mean?

1 Like
#30

I completed the quick customization, but I can’t move on :thinking:

custom

1 Like
#31

Thank you for catching that! I went back through the coding and it should be fixed now :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like
#32

This type of game is right up the alley of games I like to play.

#33

@KIogenta22 I’m glad you like it! :slightly_smiling_face:

#34

:fox_face:

#35

@Hearts Thank you for catching that! It should be fixed now.

Another note: an additional scene is also added to where the demo ends and something has finally been added under the Chronicles section in the stat screen. More will be added as the story progresses and the Index has been updated partially as well in stats.

I’m hoping currently to do another official update sometime between next tuesday or friday. Once again thank you everyone who has decided to give my WIP a try! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

3 Likes
#36

Small update on writing progress:
I was, and slightly still am, a little stuck on how I want to do the next few scenes and instead I’ve been working on expanding the lore of the world and when the next update hits, once you have the first talk with the primeval you’ll unlock some of the timeline for review in the Chronicles screen.

It will be a detailed timeline with actual dates in the B.C. and C.E. times and as the book progresses more will be added as the information is told, in story, to the MC.

Also how would you guys feel about reading short side stories in other characters POV’s set before the events of this book? While stuck on thinking of ideas I wrote a short excerpt in Nyx’s POV and it is maybe 10 years or so before the events of this book, it was inspired from a writing prompt. I also randomly doodled concept art for Nyx the other day :upside_down_face: both will end up being posted on my tumblr once I finish drawing a dang mouth for Nyx :expressionless:

TLDR version:

  • I got minor writers block for the main story
  • Expanded on the lore of the world with actual dates in time
  • I wrote a side excerpt about Nyx from an inspired writing prompt
  • I doodled Nyx’s face, without a mouth.
  • In the future I may possibly write more excerpts for the others to help myself with fleshing out a character’s personality and what drives them.
  • I made a tumblr the link is at the top by the demo link, eventually I will post the update logs on there as well as well as teasers, and the three points above.
  • A small teaser was just uploaded to my tumblr that I didn’t mention here
6 Likes
#37

As mentioned in my last post I did have a minor block for the main story but I did upload Nyx’s side story today heres a teaser

Clicketh Me!

To read the whole thing heres what to do:

  • Ever notice the input password option at the beginning?
  • Click that. The password is ‘echo’ all lowercase.
  • Voila! :smiley_cat:

Another note, I didnt post the concept art of Nyx on tumblr but if you want to see it

Clicketh Me!


Now this isn’t current Nyx, this is the Nyx from the side story which is set in 2003, 14-15 years prior to when the MC meets her.

Enjoy! I also had an epiphany for the next scene so yay! Main writing will resume tomorrow or tonight and that should get things back on track :smile_cat:
After the next “official” update I will write another excerpt about a different character so I ask who do you all want to read about next?

  • Briar
  • Luca
  • Gwen
  • Zac
  • Weylin
  • Castiel
  • Cordelia
  • Reuben
  • Wait until the next update then I’ll choose!

0 voters

2 Likes
#38

I found the story to he quite interesting I plan on seeing where this one goes. My only current issue is how segmented and broken some of scenes feel. Such as after we are knocked out by bud it skips to us in the medical ward of he school and informs us we woke up 8 times already. Also in the last scene with Cordelia she makes it sound like we have know each other for a long time when she mentions about the alcohol.

#39

Thank you for the feedback @Nomad33810!
Is the amount of segmented scenes too much in the story?
Honestly I’m slogging through it :sob: so I can already get the story to the point I want it to get to. :sob:

The part where the MC is knocked out in the sparring ring is intentional as the fact that they’re still too weak to use any power so the exertion, in addition to the stat pass/fail is intentional. I put spoilers on that just in case :upside_down_face:

I don’t remember writing anything about the fact the MC has woken up 8 times already? Did you mean the part where I wrote that 8 people in a hospital room is a cramped situation? Or the fact that the MC is unconscious quite often? If it’s the latter don’t worry it won’t be like that during the rest of the story, its only like that for right now since the MC is still technically recovering from the trauma they endured, even with supernatural healing they can only do so much.

Lastly, the part about the alcohol, are you talking about the part where she claims that you are all responsible adults? or is it this part? “Well I wouldn’t say all of you are responsible. Although I do have to ask. Did you get the good stuff?”
Which is supposed to be Reuben speaking, which I did change to reflect that he is the speaker and will hopefully show in the next “official” update.

If any of this did/didn’t answer your comment properly please let me know! I’m always up for discussing feedback and how I can improve the story :smile_cat: Also I’m glad you found the story interesting!

2 Likes
#40

Thank you for your response and that makes more sense I was confused and misread it. Thank you for clearing all that up. Just remember to have fun.

1 Like
#41

The ‘Official Update #2’ is up! :smile_cat:

Details Inside

Total WC is now 41,812 from 32,000 most of what is added is Ch.1

  • Small tweaks to stat gain/ relationship gains
  • Added more to the part where you talk to Reuben after the hospital
  • PAAAARTAAAY
  • Chance to participate in something, not spoiling it.
  • Added a content warning due to one of the scenes depicting partial nudity -it is completely avoidable though if the reader so chooses.

Once again thank you to everyone who reads this story, let me know what you think of it. Of course, any feedback you all have is greatly appreciated! :slightly_smiling_face:

-Side Note: Next expected update will be the 9th or 10th of May.

Reasons why it'll be 2 weeks instead of a weekly update.

This is due to the fact that I was not expecting the trouble I had writing this current update, and the fact that I am experiencing some weird side effects from the medication I was put on on the 18th. :sob: Thank goodness that will be over so though!

I will end the current poll (see post #36) in 2 days and then start working on the side excerpt that was the top vote, after that, I’m not sure if I will create another poll or just go down in order of how the characters were voted.

11 Likes