Birds of Prey(WiP)

This is my first “published” WIP for my new interactive fiction Birds of Prey. If you have any feedback(if possible) please let me know. The link to the WIP will be in my Tumblr if you are interested. It will contain mature themes such as premature death, gore, and violence, and potentially more.

In this story you play as a Northern Goshawk born in a world with a society made up of birds. After you are attacked and nearly killed by an invader in the nest, you are rescued by mysterious birds with agendas unknown.

Tumblr
If you don’t want to check out the Tumblr: Demo

If you’re interested, please check it out and tell me what you think so far…

74 Likes

Hi. So I played it and so far it seems like such a promising premise. The only thing that effed me is that once the link toke me to itchio I couldn’t play on the browser like the majority of interactive text based games. I had to download the game. I usually use my phone so I downloaded on notebook and played what was there and imagine to my surprise when the game was in choicescript format, a nice surprise, so I’m just wondering it’d be easier to just update your game or files into dashingdon or just edited in itchio so that it’s browser based and can be played on the web. Cause I mostly play these games on phone and it’s a hassle downloading them. :laughing: :heart:
Plus if you put the link to the game on your post than it’d be easier to get to the game.

3 Likes

I’m sorry for the trouble. I tested it before with others and it seemed to work fine for them. Dropbox works well for the file but you don’t have to worry about getting an account for it if you don’t have one. I’m hosting it on dashingdon now so hopefully things will be a bit better. If you have any more issues, please tell me. I appreciate your feedback.

2 Likes

@SemiLard so far its good, not great, not awesome, but good. I was expecting a bit more of your prologue? Then again your wip is still in its beginning stage. Its would be nice if we could choose what bird we are, but considering that all birds have their strengths and weaknesses. Some are fast and agile while some strong and can endure punishment during fights but on the down side they are slow as hell, all birds are different. But then again not all birds are the same. Some that are meant to strong end up being agile due to their environment and vises verser.

Ah crap I’m rambling. Gomen’nasai :pray: it happens when I’m in deep thought.

Anywho i wish for you to continue Birds of Prey. It looks promising from my point of view.

2 Likes

Thank you. There’s a lot more in chapter one that I’m working on that I might need to move to the prologue. I’m still currently working on it and doing some research on a lot of bird species. I didn’t want to start out with more branches of species than I can handle. Maybe later on I can add different ones but for now I’m planning on sticking with one to see how far I can go. Thank you for the feedback. I’ll keep that in mind.

And your fine, lol. I wouldn’t consider that rambling. It’s good advice :3 And hopefully I can make it up to where I want it to be. I’m not a very good writer or planner but it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.

2 Likes

Update 1/10
I made a very small update to the prologue adding an extra scene. Nothing special.

1 Like

I really liked the prologue! Pretty short, but gave me a decent idea of what to expect. I think it did a really good job of making me feel protective over the helpless MC and kind of the shock of what was happening.

Since it was short and I had some time, I went ahead and did a little light proofreading, if you’re interested.

words

I noticed a few present tense and past tense words in the narration. I didn’t list them because I’m not sure if you intend the story to be in present or past tense, but I can run back through again if you want me to to pick up some of those.

“…its dark feathers makes its appearance seem more larger than it already is.”
I’d change that to “seem larger than” or “seem more large than” (probably the first one).

“But if this dark creature eying you, bidding its time…”
Should be changed to biding.

“Both options is death."
Should be changed to are.

4 Likes

Thank you! :3 I’ll be sure to clear those up shortly.

Update
Chapter One has been added.
If there’s any typos, bugs, or anything that you think may be more fitting to add, please let me know.

2 Likes


Should be feeling

Thank you. It’s fixed now.

1 Like

Great game, I usually love games that have an animal protagonist. You did a nice job.

Feedback that may or may not be useful

I noticed what @Jayffel was talking about apart from this it’s great.

1 Like

I’m happyy to see were actually a cool bird. I was anticipating something prey-like, not a raptor.
Unrelated question: why did you feel the adult section was needed?

1 Like

I’m glad! I always wanting something on raptors and I thought Goshawks were pretty cool/interesting and especially with people considering them as being a “true hawk”.

And I put it in the Adult section because I plan on adding some gruesome stuff later on. Should I take it off until those parts appear or leave it as it is?

1 Like

I know I tend to associate the adult content tag with stuff that’s specifically sexually explicit, and the About The Adult Content thread seems to lean towards that as well outside of a vague reference to “adult themes”. But I could see having it tagged here for severe violence and gore, though I feel like I’ve seen some fairly violent and gory stuff in works that aren’t flagged this way. Removing the adult content tag would probably get the WIP more attention, but if you don’t feel comfortable removing it, then you should keep it.

It might be worth asking a mod or making a thread or something asking what specifically the tag means, and whether the sort of thing you have in mind would make your work adults only? I know a few WIPs also have a normal thread and an NSFW thread separate from each other, although I don’t happen to follow any of them so I don’t really know how the difference works there.

3 Likes

Like @Jayffel said, the Adult Content tag is more geared towards sexually explicit content, but that doesn’t mean it can’t include gore. I asked @Eiwynn about this once and she said that if you receive feedback that indicates a story should be moved to the #adult-content category then the mods can do so.

6 Likes

@AChubbyBlackCat @Jayffel
I think I’ll leave it just to be safe for now until I feel comfortable enough to take it off. Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it! :heart:

5 Likes

@SemiLard hey bro your prologue and chapter one, in my opinion spot on, loved it. as of this moment i have nothing add, my mind is blank…

anywho keep up the good work. :grin: :+1:

2 Likes

Interesting idea for a WIP. I really look forward to seeing how it progresses!

1 Like

Chapter Two is now available

If there’s an errors or bugs/typos, please inform me and I will fix them. Also feedback will be great as well! Thank you.

7 Likes