Beta readers wanted


#1

Hearing about @WayWalkerLeigh getting their book accepted by a publisher has made me think about my vampire novel I self-published in February last year.

I’ve been planning on rereleasing it via createspace to take advantage of the kindle store.

Recently I discovered by game had surpassed 90,000 words so I checked my book and that had just under 60,000 which made me shameful so I’m going to revise the book adding at least another 40,000 words to bring the count up to 100,000.

First however I need four people who are fans of horror and vampires who are interested in reading the story.

More info can be found on my website

www.nocturnalstillness.com look for “A New Pulse”

I just need fresh eyes to tell me what they like, dislike, what works, what doesn’t etc.

Note: I am still writing Unnatural and another project this rewrite would be done inbetween.

Thank you for reading. Hopefully this isn’t against the forum rules and if it is I apologise and a mod can close it.


#2

Sign me up. Anything I can do to help.


#3

I’ll do it
Edit (So long as they don’t sparkle)


#4

Horror? Vampire hunter? I’m in!


#5

I will do it also


#6

Right, I’m not sure if this is actually in the book or not (or if I’m looking in the right place or not, I’m on Lulu using their preview function), but looking through the First Chapter preview I noticed something right away. “The darkness was all consuming the darkness smothered everything like a blanket.” Yeaahh… those look like two sentences squashed together by lack of punctuation. I’m not sure how you’d like to fix that, but I’d deeply suggest doing something.

That being said, something I did like from the first page: The description of “a cold sweat dribbled down his pale skin, like raindrops on a windowpane.” Good God, that is *beeaauutiful* imagery, and I think it works wonderfully to set the tone.

Right, this is just from the first page, but it’s what I noticed offhand.


#7

Might i suggest, if you need a few dozen good eyes, bringing your case to the way walkers fan club? http://www.facebook.com/groups/216875918439365/ they’ve been absolutely invaluable to me, and i know a huge portion of them are vampire fans, big-time. XD


#8

@Turtler

That beginning is the first thing I plan to change as it looks unwieldy.

@WayWalkerLeigh

Thank you for the offer but I wouldn’t want to distract your fans from Way Walkers.

@817819

They don’t sparkle but there is a scene where a vampire finds out a book where the fictional vampires do sparkle and contemplates using the author a visit.

@those interested

I will upload it to my dropbox and I will pm the link later.


#9

I love read it but being no native probably cant give you grammar or spelling feedback but I can give you my humble opinion if you want I love real vampires lore no emos sparkling gogos!!


#10

count me in


#11

@Turtler @817819 @Zach @Headhunter180 @MaraJade @bezment78

Slight change of plans I’m posting the link to my word file in dropbox here. So if you’re interested the link is below:

Here is what the cover looks like: (the guy on the cover is Samuel Blackwood drawn by my friend.)

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/82599458/Writing%20Stuff/first_bite.jpg

Here is the back cover looks like (The vampire skull was also drawn by my friend.)

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/82599458/Writing%20Stuff/skull.JPG

and here is the link to the word document

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/82599458/Writing%20Stuff/A%20New%20Pulse%20-%20First%20Bite%20(2013).docx

Basically I would like people to just read it and give me their opinions on the book. Is the story any good, are the characters likeable? what parts work and what doesn’t, are the vampires believable in the setting? Spotting Grammar/punctuation errors isn’t required but would be helpful.

I hope you enjoy it :smiley:

@WayWalkerLeigh

If you want to pass the link on to your fan page you’re welcome to but I don’t want to distract them from your awesome Way Walker world :smiley: (speaking on which I actually got round to buying the game the other day, the demo was good and am looking forward to playing the full game :slight_smile: )


#12

Well the first thing I noticed is that the writing seems kinda choppy and not as descriptive as it should be, sometimes it’s perfect imagery other times its not, it feels more like you are telling this to us than showing this to us at those instances, also Sams dialogue at first seems kinda weird, I don’t think I’ve met a person who just says “what was I doing last night” it’s usually accompanied by a “hell” or “heck”. But I’ve yet to read on so let me get back to that.


#13

@Headhunter180

things like that are just what I need. This story was being written since 2009 and was finally self-published last year I haven’t actually touched it since then so hopefully a year away will let me write with fresh eyes, and hopefully with the help of comments like that will make it better :smiley:


#14

Also it seems pretty repetitive at the start:
Sam did this, and Sam did that, and Sam looked at this and so on, needs variety, like a few flashes of memory and dreams to break it up and such.


#15

And one more thing. The “moaned and groaned and tossed and turned” part could just be shortened to “tossed and turned” and the dream could stand to be darker and a little longer.


#16

@Headhunter180 I’m planning on adding at least another 40,000 words so that is all doable.


#17

Really cool, I looked it up and found this, thats awesome

http://www.lulu.com/shop/matthew-bellingham/a-new-pulse-first-bite/paperback/product-18856008.html

Really sorry if its against rules to post a link like this, not fully sure, hopefully im not breaking any rules.


#18

@2Ton

Yeah that’s where I self-published the book. Once I’ve revised it, will be taking it down from lulu.com and switching to createspace.


#19

@Nocturnal

Oh, thats cool, I know this is Off-topic, but if you ever need Html help, I have some pretty decent skills with that, y’know text fonts, background, font family, colors, music, and effects


#20

I read the book very quickly and I loved it. It was dull in some parts but I loved the characters and I would buy this book if I could. Revising it would be good but I wouldn’t take anything major out. Any idea when you will start writing the second part?