Awoken (Fantasy WIP) - updated 16/May/2017

Ok, I’m downright ashamed that I missed ‘understably’ :sweat:

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“Arlen” says Leana. You will never forget the tone of her voice: the strangest mix of awe and terror. “Look.”

Uh…I’m not sure about this, as I couldn’t find any rules of dialogue pertaining to this sentence, but I think there should be a comma after Arlen. Actually, my grammar guy will clear this up. @LordOfLA

I noticed you’re punctuating more and more of your choices that aren’t dialogue…is that intentional? Because if it is, than I can point out a couple of choices that still need to be punctuated.

Punctuating as in adding full stops? Yes, I think it’s probably better to have them all consistent. Point away!

A man
A woman
Neither
Arlen
Lyall
Jineth
Something else
Those words - a magic spell? I must remember them - I want power like this myself
I am tall myself and will have the same problem
I am a man of uncommon stature - I hope the height of the door isn’t indicative of the height of the ceilings inside…
I am somewhat shorter than the stranger
I am much shorter than the stranger and will have no trouble
I’m finished asking questions
Study the books
Inspect the weapon racks
Try to escape
Try to leave this room
Try to talk to the dancers
From a minor noble family
From a merchant family - moderately well off
From a family of farmers

This is it. Props to @AStraali for suggesting copy-pasting everything in word and re-pasting here, although it will mess with my dominance of posts.

You are correct, the comma or period that wandered off needs to be found and reinstated.

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Okay I’ll admit, I’m curious :see_no_evil: Enjoying it so far even if I have barely a clue as to what’s going on :slight_smile:

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Do you think it’s too vague? On one hand the plan is to start out with the MC knowing very little and having them recall bit by bit. But on the other I don’t want to put the reader off by confusing them…

Naw, its fine as it is at the moment. Since MC and I are both utterly clueless as to what’s going on and mysterious person is fun trolling us as we go, I find myself quite invested in the story.

Add to this that you’ve already got started on the content to start revealing what’s going on and I think that you’re on to a winning plan.

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Well, I like the vagueness, at least.

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gr8 b8 m8 I rate 8/8 plz no h8

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Reddit wants its memes back :smiley:

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I don’t have a receipt.

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In the last memory, if you choose to be a leader and then choose animal tracking as your method of finding the entrance then the game will flag you as a loner instead and people will ask what your doing down there :stuck_out_tongue:

Thanks for spotting that. Fixed now!

The stats look good, and so does the update. :smiley: I found something that might be an error in the last scene with the questions though. If the MC chooses to say “I want to talk about you,” there are three branches of question: “What’s your name?” “Where are you from?” and “Were we friends? Before?”
After the MC asks “What’s your name?”, the option disappears. But after the MC asks either of the other two questions, the option to ask it remain. Did you do this on purpose or was it not supposed to be that way?

Also, I want to ask something about the storyline, but feel free not to answer it if you’re afraid it’ll be too spoilery. Will most if not all of the story as well as the MC’s vital choices be focused on the MC’s past memories, with the present scenes with the Silver Stranger merely acting as intervals? Or will the flashbacks (of sorts) only continue for a short while up to a certain point and after that the MC will continue their story in the present?

Isn’t this basically Planescape: Torment?

It has some concepts of it, but no.

The last bit isn’t bugged, it’s just not finished yet! (and isn’t actually supposed to be in the demo yet, whoops.)
There is stuff going on in the present that is important, and I’m going to try and switch between the two. The next memory, though, is vital for an aspect of what’s going on now and so I can’t get into the present before that one. But the finale of the game will be entirely in the present when all your terrible decisions come back to bite you :smiling_imp:

Having looked that up, I wouldn’t say so? There’s the amnesiac MC, but that’s hardly a unique idea.