Hello darlings! I hope you’re all doing well! The major update is expected to be next week, but I wanted to do some tidying up before releasing it, so please enjoy my roster of what I fixed!
I re-wrote the prologue after skimming it; it’s essentially the same (I’d never remove Mr. Vergessbar, my heart goes to him) but also a wee bit different
I added a write-up before the game begins that includes potential trigger warnings the game has as well as an explanation for why the prologue is in third person
I edited chapter 1 part 1 to remove past and present-tense errors (I’m a ) and tidy up some stats %’s
Vergessbar and Dreamwalker’s powers are still available to access upon entering Attollo (I didn’t realize they vanished-so sorry!!)
Hello darlings! I’m so over the moon to announce that route 1 of chapter 1 is now complete to play, putting a close on the chapter for at least one branch! What does this route include, you may ask?
Go bar hopping, with a side of eldritch avoidance
Have a chat with the only decent guy in Attollo
Followed swiftly by a chat with another guy who may or may not have killed some people
Re-enact an episode of COPS
What does this update include?
Over 37k new words!
New character profiles: Sylvester and…well, you’ll find out
Ovo vs Crowes Court stat check
Thank you again for everything, my dears, and enjoy! <3
As a thanks for your support and all of the wonderful feedback you’ve been providing me since this project began (just over 4 months now!!), I’m excited to publicly release a holiday gift for you all!
The mini game in question contains 6 short stories (with choices and routes, of course) for 6 of the RO’s present in the game. You can engage in either a platonic or a slightly more romantic way with them. It should be fair to add, though, that some of the routes do contain heavier content (depending on the character).
The total wordcount for the story is 31, 615 words.
I do hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them, and I look forward to coming back with the next Attollo update in 2021! <3
Just discovered this WiP. Here are my disorganized thoughts, so apologies ahead of time that they’re not organized in the least!
The phrase There are no sounds of nature in Tanglewood because Tanglewood is not of nature. is a bit redundant. I feel like you lose the impact of the surprise/mystery/intrigue when you mention Tanglewood a second time instead of just saying There are no sounds of nature in Tanglewood because it is not of nature.
Similar point to above. The air is far cooler inside Tanglewood than it is out at the marketplace, and he feels the first few drops of the pending rainstorm hit his head from between Tanglewoods iron leaves. If you replaced the second Tanglewood with the word the, I think the air of mystery and intrigue would be maintained.
“Buy yourself a drink, Vergessbar. That titanium liquid in your hair makes you look like a drowned rat.” You could probably shorten this to You look like a drowned rat and it would work since readers will already be aware that Vergessbar is covered in the silver liquid from moments before.
I cannot stress this enough but too many ellipses. I understand it’s probably a stylistic choice and a way to increase tension/mystery, but after the first time you used several pages of ellipses, the following parts where you used them lost all punch. I didn’t feel intrigued anymore or felt the tension in the air, in fact I felt a little annoyed.
Having to click the Next button from one page to another is enough to create tension; whereas having the ellipses there to prolong the tension ironically does the opposite of what it was probably intended to do. Instead of allowing whatever tension you built up to release, I feel like prolonging the tension unnecessarily strangles whatever tension you built. I am no longer invested in finding out what happened, but instead focused on ‘Alright when can I get back to the story?’
The description of when you enter the bathroom is beautifully grotesque. I feel like I’m in that filthy bathroom and I’m tempted to swat the flies myself.
Is it a pronoun bug when Helios refers to my MC as they instead of she? Vasilisia refers to my MC by the correct pronouns, so I assume this isn’t a pronoun bug.
All in all, an intriguing story and I will definitely enjoy reading more of it.
Hello! First off, thank you so much for all of this feedback!! I can’t express how much I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to point this stuff out to me!
As per your suggestions, I’ve edited the Tanglewood scene and the issue with the Helios section; your MC should be referred to as their gender choice now when Helios speaks, and I’m sorry for any inconvenience that’s caused!
I’ve also gone through and worked out some of the ellipses! I agree with your point, and I admit that I was a bit tedious myself about that; I think I’m used to using them in regular stories so often that I didn’t pause to think about how they’d come across in an IF, but I hope it’s better now!
Also, I’m so glad you liked the bathroom scene!! That part made me nauseous to write myself, so it makes me very happy to hear it came across as grotesque to others!
Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to do this, and if you have any other suggestions, please let me know!!
Hello
A friend talked to me about this wip with a lot of praises and I cannot thank him enough because this is some gold waiting to be discovered I’ve played through the entirety of the first branch I think and so far I’m in love
I think I deadass went into hyper fixation because I kept taking notes as I read (for my character and about the lore so I remember stuff) and I have now 6 pages of notes
So far I loved the options for the MC, the appearances of each new character (I got a soft spot for Neil hehe love our Judas ) and the wonder/confusion of MC discovering Attollo. People said that before but the bathroom scene is so gross and weirded me out so much. That’s great writing, maybe a bit too stretched if anything, descriptions could be shorter but in general I loved them and your details.
I’m intrigued by most characters and I really appreciate that you seem to put just as much importance in characterizing the ones who aren’t going to be ROs than the ROs themselves.
I did not expect the revelation from Vasilisia and I love what plot it brings !!
Just noticed you gifted us something for the holidays I can’t wait to read that
Keep the good work
It seems very interesting!!
I didn’t expect it to be so long (as it’s a demo) so it took me a bit by surprise.
The achievements are all hilarious!! I can’t wait to find out more about each character and where the story will go. My favorite character is Neil, by now.
I’m no expert but this CoG seems very complex (in a good way) and well made.
Typo
“Vasilisia, stop the mother hen act. With a dopey expression like that, he’s fine. !he’s probably just in shock, which might be why he isn’t responding to your interrogation.” Her voice is warm and teasing, a tone that you wouldn’t have expected from someone who just faced down the equivalent of death. You stare at her. You can’t help it.
Hello darlings!! I have a valentines gift for you all!!
ROUTE 2 of CHAPTER 1 is now available to play for you, which brings a conclusion to chapter 1! The game is now 102,644 words without code upon addition of this 37k update
What does this route contain?
Experience Theseus’ pain in a labyrinth of shipping containers!
Talk with a rather tech-centric guy!
Meet an irl merman (you know you always wanted to)!
Have a shocking introduction to a notorious group!
What does this update contain?
New character profiles!
New power profiles!
A hatred of docks!
Death, maybe!
Thank you again for all your support and patience!
I’m so glad you like him!! Unfortunately, Prince isn’t romanceable because he’s taken by a certain vigilante you met at the end of chapter 1. However, you’ll get to see more of him in later chapters!!
Chapter 2 is currently in the works with a set release date of March 30th. The goal will now be to release updates on a monthly basis; all updates regarding progress are made on sundays on tumblr, but will be released here if they’re major updates
Romances were revamped in the main post, the changelog was updated, the warnings were updated, and the constructive criticism requests were updated.
Edits were made to chapter 1 to allow you to reduce your anxiety if you choose not to touch the slime, thus unlocking all Anxiety < 50 choices.
At the current moment, I need to go through some medical testing for a brain-related concern, so the update may be pushed from March 30th to the beginning of April—I’m very sorry for this, and I hope this concern gets resolved (and isn’t too serious)!
On that note, I did modify a bit of the first chapter by giving you the option to display romantic choices. To get this, you’ll need to replay, but I hope that helps guide you on any specific routes you want!
OMG yes, When I first saw the introduction of this game, specifically “The Rapture” part, I was immediately suprised, and I didn’t even played that game. though I love the soundtracks and the MC… ! It looks promising
Hope whatever happens goes very smoothly! Sending my best wishes to you! And like others said, don’t apologize for real life taking priority here! The story and your audience will still be here when you’re ready.
) and tidy up some stats %’s
I’ve played through the entirety of the first branch I think and so far I’m in love
) and the wonder/confusion of MC discovering Attollo. People said that before but the bathroom scene is so gross and weirded me out so much. That’s great writing, maybe a bit too stretched if anything, descriptions could be shorter but in general I loved them and your details.
I can’t wait to read that
like he’s so enigmatic and interesting, why author? 
