Artificial (WIP) - Chapter 2 03/05/21

I’ve begun work on my new game Artificial. In it, you play the world’s first android, a cyborg made out of real human flesh, bones, blood and tissue, the only technological parts about you is a device that converts raw data into functioning information a brain can use and a USB port in your neck, under your skin, that connects to the device. You are taken on a roadtrip by your father’s most trusted intern to develop a personality and become ‘human’.

Currently, it’s about 2% done? With 2 chapters and upwards of 1400 words, I plan on updating every 2ish weeks.

(In)frequently Asked Questions

Q: Will there be romance?
A: Yes, I’ve decided there will. Currently the only planned RO will be Al, but that may change.

Q: Will there be action?
A: Yes! Not a lot of it, but there is a bar fight scene planned.

Q: If the game is about playing as an android, why do we see things through Henry and Al’s eyes?
A: To set the scene of the book. You’ll be put into their shoes momentarily throughout the story, but you won’t be made to change POVs mid-page. It is also so you can make some choices as an NPC - for example, the gender selection of Al. It’s also so you don’t have to read 15 pages of “Nothing”.

Q: Why update only every two weeks?
A: Because I am not good with writing, plain and simple. It also allows me to work suggestions into the new update. It’s also not set completely in stone! I might update it two days after the last one, or I might spend a month making a huge update. Deadlines never end well when writing, so I tend to use them as guidelines.

Q: What’s the inspiration behind the game?
A: The inspiration comes from a lot of different sources. It’s a way to vent feeling about not fitting in (currently while writing it but I hope once it’s fleshed out it will become a way for players to vent too). The idea of how the android works comes from the Fallout universe and the idea behind becoming ‘human’ is in a lot of different sci-fi things. The things that stick out in my mind as inspiration are Blade Runner, I, Robot and Detroit: Become Human.

Q: What are you looking for?
A: Playtesters! Mainly. As we all are when we make a post in this category. Tell me if any of the prose is awkward in the story, if anything sticks out to you or takes you out of the moment. Also, ideas! I love it when someone gives me an idea while I’m working on something. It’s the most useful and heartwarming feedback you can get, as it shows you that someone cares about and is interested in it enough to suggest to improve it. These ideas can be anything from characters (later on), dialogue choices, things like stats and everything in between. Anything you can think of that’ll be an improvement to the game. Writing will commence full time shortly, and the next update should include at least one proper interaction between the MC and Al.

To play the demo, go here:
https://dashingdon.com/play/e-nystrm/artificial/mygame/

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Sounds interesting sounds like a Chinese program I watched

That sounds pretty cool. Lmk if you remember it so I can steal ideas use it for inspiration. Hopefully, this is just the beginning and I actually finish this project. I always find it easier to make anything when you get feedback early on.

This looks interesting

A romance will make this story more complete as love is one of the most basic human emotions. By the way awesome job.

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It’s too short to say anything, but I will definitely check it out later because the premise is interesting.

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Demo look interesting so far

The demo is very short, bit this looks promising.

Personally, I think it’d be better if the other perspectives were third person. It would help differentiate that they are not “you”, and makes it more explicit who’s viewpoint you’re reading.

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That’s what is going to be done as soon as I figure out how to set different sentences for different genders, because it gets very, very confusing when everyone is referred to as something like “they” or “the intern” and feels more like some Fallout New Vegas narration instead of a book.

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I think it’d be a good idea to add romance. Like someone else said, it’s a part of the human experience, and the goal is to make the MC human. Plus this seems to be a character driven story, and romance is an interesting way for characters to interact

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I really love science-fiction genre’s. I think it’s interesting to be this “new being”, learning and experiencing everything for the first time. I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions but have you heard of the movie “Alita: Battle Angel”?

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The flow is so smooth it’s like hot chocolate. Also has very rich plot. Forgive the pun please. (^°^)/

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All puns are safe here, dw. Maybe I’ll hold a competition for worst pun Al can make and put it in the game.

I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Chapter 3 is underway. I’ve spent most of my time rewriting the code with the help of the forum for NPC and MC gender selection, but I can promise you there’ll be an update within the week.

I have no idea how big authors do this! I hate keeping everyone waiting, all I want to do is finish the entire book and release it, but hopefully the wait should be worth it.

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Don’t pressure yourself. We do not want this pressure that many users are unintentionally putting you to ruin your creativity. If this is too much it is also good that you take breaks if you need it.

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Nah it’s nobody’s doing, even if this never saw the light of day I would stress about not getting it done until I did.

I’m well aware writing takes time, don’t worry. My schedule is to do only do proper writing when I come home from college, and plenty of breaks in between. I know from my last attempt at Choicscrilt and from throwing myself into things I really enjoy how quickly burnout can encroach you.

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Apparently I can’t edit the main post anymore but oh well. Also haven’t been writing 24/7 as I was too busy reading Fallen Hero and the sequel’s demo because that’s the type of prose I want for this book.

And also it’s a really good book.

Anyway, new update!

This has chapter 3 but it’s gonna be redundant in a bit because now I have an actual plan (for chapter 1):

I love flowcharts, they’re much easier to use. I would also love to be able to embed my flowchart in this post but not allowed for some reason.

This will require a rewrite of all the chapters, which is why I pushed out the half-finished Chapter 3 today. I personally don’t like the informal writing style I’ve fallen into, nor did I like the exposition dump for Chapter 1, or the fact there are swears throughout the chapters. Swearing is a crutch to distract from bad dialogue.

Starting from now it’s professional writer mode. I will still try and stick to an update every two weeks. If I can.

The new idea of the structure is that there is no seeing through the eyes of the “narrator” like in chapter one, or playing as Al in chapter 2 and 3. You will start off as your character at the start of the book and stay as that the entire time.

Please forgive me, I’m trying to find my footing and English being not my best + dyslexia makes it harder to write than most. I’ve considered recording myself speaking and typing that out.

Anyway, I hope you get a tiny bit of enjoyment out of this mini-updae, and do tell me if you’d rather the more informal direction taken in Chapter 3 or the more formal way Chapter 1 is written.

PS I think I’m gonna have to make a new form post cause I can’t edit the title either.