An Unusual Adventure (demo)

After reading all the CoGs and WIPs, I’ve gotten into the mood of writing a game myself.

But seeing as there would be a lot of firsts involved (first time writing fiction in years, first time in English, first time in ChoiceScript, …), I figured I’ll try my hand at a sort of “writing exercise” first to gain some experience and feedback.
It’s basically not much more then me trying different scenarios and slight variations in style, put together to resemble a short, but (hopefully) worthwhile game with some replay value.

In this demo I tried a slightly unusual approach of keeping the PC to a bare minimum (as in customization and dialogue) while maintaining the possibility of different choices with different outcomes.
While it won’t be the approach I’ll use in my actual game, I was interested to see how it’s going to be received.

I won’t explain to much about the story and let the demo speak for itself. A tad of confusion is intended :wink:

Any feedback, tips and pointers are welcome and appreciated.

Also, bonus points if you can spot all the references :wink:


Oh jeez! The ‘Show Stat’ button has some personality! … A perky one at that.

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too much speed, too much geek quotes family guy surfing bird is great. A great short story but doesnt seem perfect for a long story too much dispersed ideas but make me laugh so keep the good work!!

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The bird is the word xD… That’s good, it’s a good story so far but I would like to know more about it so can’t wait for updates.

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I tried to read what the stats said, then I got bored and skipped. Lol.

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Imagine how I felt when Stat got mad at me for robbing her of her work.
I’m still a little afraid of what she’ll do to me once I relax my guard :wink:

Thanks. Right now it’s supposed to be only a short story since it was more of an exercise in ChoiceScript for me before I get to my actual game (the setting of which is hinted at in this one).
And the quotes… Yeah, there are a lot of them. But in my defense, it was a lot of fun putting them in :smiley:

Thank you. As for the story, same as I said to Mara. At the moment I don’t have any plans to expand it any further as it was only for practice and feedback on my writing.

Good point, totally forgot about that wall of text. It’s broken down into shorter passages now.

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Can I just say the Doctor Who reference made my day :slight_smile:

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The references made my day.

And then the Emperor reference made my life.

It was really funny, I liked the character and didn’t mind the lack of ‘choice’ in making it, I think the hilarity of it was just great and made up for that entirely.

The choices were hilarious, I actually laughed at loud reading many of them because they were so random.

So yeah. Great job, I love it and look forward to seeing more of this!

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Enjpoyable little drabble, although I didn’t get one of the references, oh well.

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Never forget your towel!!!

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The references were brilliant, my favourite part was “It’s smaller on the outside!” This seems a lot like ‘The Nightmare Maze’ in my opinion, however it is also quite different. I found it a lot of fun :slight_smile:

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Oh my god I could not resist the bird family guy freakin hilarious I tip my hat to you sir

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Thanks for the correction, it’s changed now.

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Why does the dude kiss us? Already done playing this. I don’t want to b force into being bi

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Great to hear, thanks :slight_smile:

Thanks for the comments.

Does anyone have some recommendations or tips towards my writing style and/or what I could improve?

I realized along the way that I wrote the first two romance scenes (well, kind of romance) from the perspective of a heterosexual male (as in “female partner”) and thought it only fair to insert a male partner (on a side note, in both cases their gender is forced since I didn’t give room for customization).
The fact that he is the only where you actually get to the end of the romance scene (the kiss) is just the cherry on top and my little stab at the “I’ll never play female/gay/bisexual” club.
Freedom of the author, and all that :wink:

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Wonderfully random, as a Whovian I thought the Professor bit was ACE! :wink: Liked the Frankenstein and Kraken/Moby Dick parts a lot as well.

Clearly it’s up to you how you approach the gender and sexuality of the player character, but since we never had our player’s reaction to getting kissed by the guy, I guess it’s something to consider for the final version.

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“And whenever he does, he get’s all the attention.” “…then this guy get’s all the attention whenever…” “So… Bye Bye”
Grammar mistakes up in the house, there.

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"Why does the dude kiss us? Already done playing this. I don’t want to b force into being bi "
Who the hell forces YOU to be bi?
Get over that homophobia and read a story about a fictive character who seems to be bi.

Didn’t play the story until now. So if you can choose evrything but not who to kiss… yeah that would be a bit strange - if the main character has some more non-optional properties, then why should he not also kiss guys?

Choice of the dragon didn’t ask me if I would like to play a dragon…

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It’s just the same as a story that forces gays to be straight. I don’t see why this should be an issue, but I disagree that this means Talon is a homophobe… At least, I don’t *think so.

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Was one of my favorite parts to write as well, together with putting the references in (If I recall correctly, just at the part where he shows you around the ROSE there should be six references to other series/movies. The various Who-references not counted).

The Kraken-Scene comes to a close second though, and looking up on the Tintin-Comics in order to write Captain Hammer had a nice feeling of nostalgia :wink:

As for the kiss, for the following part I’d probably just keep in the style and jump straight to the next scene (which would likely be the end, since this is only a practice run before I start on my actual game. Right now I’m playing a bit with variables and *if commandos with which I determine what end scene the player gets, but that’s about it)

Changed the “get’s” to “gets”, thanks for pointing that out (Right now I’m wondering why I put those apostrophes in there. “get is” doesn’t make sense in the slightest :D)
Though admittedly I’m a bit lost on the other one. I know it isn’t an actual sentence and I wanted to express Stat as hesitant, as not knowing what to say next and the “So…” is supposed to be her thinking about her next words, which is then the farewell.
How would I have to write it to be grammatically correct?

And did I catch everything or is there another mistake hidden?

(Second language, please bear with me :slight_smile: )

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