Another round of minor typos and corrections, this time focused on the new content. I really like the writing on display in the dark path. Very flavorful.
If I had one request for the Dark Path, I’d love to see a final resolution with Krog himself. Maybe instead of the Krog we see in the Cyclops War path we can see a drained and weakened Krog, to reflect the damage you have done to the world of Krog Pile? I know we get a glimpse of him at Krog’s Rock, but it would be satisfying to actually get to execute him. (Of course, I know the perils of feature creep, feel free to ignore)
That’s flattering, but I’m definitely not a professional editor, so feel free to take or leave my notes as you see fit. There are probably places where I see an error in what is actually a conscious style decision on your part, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
A corpse in front of you brings his hammer down, full force, against a second bell. It too explodes in sound,
*Full stop at the end, not a comma
Freelance witch-finders have started visiting the Roral Road and surrounding areas, following up on reports of unholy occurrences.
The presence of witch-finders has increased. With them, they now bring scholars of demonology. Missive are exchanged.
You worry that, perhaps, you have done too much malignant tinkering and raised suspicions too son, without rising in power enough to divert attention elsewhere.
Travel to the villages on the periphery of the province of Granradgard.
As the large orc barks order, his voice catches.
*“barks an order” or “barks orders”
At sun sets, you arrive at a hamlet, keeping to the shadows of nearby trees while you observe events.
*Either “At sunset” or “As the sun sets”
Once you your followers, infect the imperial provinces to weaken our staunchest resistance.
*Missing word. Perhaps “have”?
Whisper in the minds of influence goblins and gift them size and strength.
Goblins are easily influenced creatures, resentful, jealous and eager to take advantage of an adversaries’ flaws.
*Either “an adversary’s” or perhaps " their adversaries’ "
Tohe shamans are eager to share in what they can only see as Krog’s blessing on the once diminutive Toothpick.
You flail against mind, yet are unable to penetrate the thoughts withinâ€¦
*Either “minds” or “a mind”
The new resident of The Plains is soon noticed by a local tribe Huge with improbable musculature all bulging and vein crossed, the ten-foot orc, with an equally large axe, is admired from afar.
*Missing full stop before “Huge”
Here. You hope to continue spreading corruption without being disturbed.
*Full stop not needed after “Here”
They hope, by pricking the thoughts of those with demon-induced madness, that can can pinpoint the locus of recent corruption.
*“that they can”
The most northerly province, Yonderfolds, is seen as a superstitious backwater.
Some even delve into sinister knowledge to restore the healthy stink and greeness of their fellows.
With your powers growing in magnitude, you decide to divert your toying with the other provinces and focus on the imperial heartlands and the ecclesiastical authorities.
No longer is age gripping your joints, for the perversions of evil have nibbled away at your soul and connection with the very nature of time and space.
*Missing word “your” before “connection”
That absent left breast exposes a whole, an emptiness where you would expect to see a heart.
Still cowled in his black robe, The WIll sits motionless, his voice a familiar scrape in your ears.
Due to the residents’ powers, it will be difficult to affects these fools with anything but the your most potent dar arts.
if you play your cards right, you can acquire a nice mob of the insane to warp and mould into something more useful later on.
Other the thieves the dark gift of camouflaged skin, using your Mutate powers.
“Image the snoring guards by the vaults. They’ll never see you coming.”
From know on they will crave unholy trinkets.
Faint, you collapse
*Missing words “in your cave”
From small chapels in hamlets to city temples. a plague of possessions corrupts the minds of a large number of bishops.
*Comma not full stop
Whether in the middles giving services in small chapels, city cathedrals or cloistered away in monasteries or convents, your undead swarm their targets.
Yet, these pet magicians lack enough power to make a large enough dent in the larger. stone-made places of worship, usually found in dense towns and cities.
*Comma not full stop
Your priesst are cut down, judged blasphemous and meeting swift justice in the form of blessed greatswords.
With the nobles eager to maintain an air of moral superiority over the 'little people, it is their worst nightmare when cloaked figures whisper their crimes to them.
*Missing quotation mark
Though they, even now, scheme to track you down, you relish the fracturing the imperial hierarchy.
*Either “you relish fracturing the imperial” or “you relish the fracturing of the imperial”
Able to blur into the night, your hellspawn will fine assassins, able to avoid the sleepy guards.
*Missing word before fine, either “make” or “be”
The Will’s approaches you, its movement flow like a smooth gust of breeze.
Agony comes next, as muscle and bone crack and thicken/ Within a weak, the afflicted are left frozen like statues.
*Full stop not /
Yet, they persist, tittering on the edge of destruction.
*To titter is to giggle, I think you mean “teetering” which means to balance precariously.
The ground trembles. beneath their feet, shifts and heaves with violence.
*Full stop not needed after trembles
Yet the unease caused by the violent earth will forever stain the naive hopes of the small folk/ The mental scars run deep and a mistrust of the fields sows itself through the halfling communities.
*Full stop, not /
The plague spread quickly, consuming the young and old, rich and poor, in the same devastating fashion.
What are supposed to think of them? You are different, better, beyond them now.
*Missing word “you” before “supposed”
For several hours you cause the ground the heave and split.
They are quick the flee from areas of danger.
yet these unfortunates are met by ever-suspicious elf arrows and human crossbows.
The motley bands of withcfinders stream from the flanks, behind the knights.
With The Lady’s Sword, you carve carnage through the imperials. An unstoppable force of destruction, your hacks and slashes cleave men and women into two with unwavering, savage focus. Even the merest touch of the red vapour wreathing your weapon is enough to snuff the hearts of imperials. Roaring with relish, your axe passes through armour, flesh and bones.
*Sword turns into an axe from one sentence to the next
Despite the fact that they have blunted your slaughter, you your frustrations out on them.
*Missing word “take”
Call on them to wrought utter ruin across the imperial lines.
*“Wrought” is past tense. Present tense would be “work” or perhaps “wreak” is a better word here.
The WiIl’s hooded face nods towards your throne.
*Will’s (the one quoted has a capital I instead of one of the l’s)
Relent, or challenge us. We will act as three," hisses The WIll.
In a split second, The Lord appears before The WIll, his axe cleaving through its billowing, black cloak.
Just like The WIll, a black puff of air drifts away from her body into the stars.
At the end of the Dark Path there are a lot of instances of incorrect capitalisation in The Will’s name, more than I have mentioned here.