I was looking forward for the update but i don’t know if it’s the problem with my browser or is it some issue with dashingdon but I started playing the story from the start again and the next chapter (the one after we leave hazuki’s house) won’t load and is stuck at loading screen. I’m not sure about the cause for the issue but I thought I’ll just let you know in case if it is some issues on your side or something.
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Are you talking about the end of chapter 2, when you’re told to leave Masami and Hazuki alone for a while? That’s the end of the demo, at least for now. I’ll add something after it, so you know it’s the end. (Also, the chapter 3 file wasn’t named correctly, so I guess in a way there was a bug, even if it didn’t really hide any content behind it 
)
Last update was not a story one, but a mechanics one. There is no new content to experience in the public beta yet.
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By the way, there seems to be pronoun inconsistencies regarding the person we meet in the woods. I picked “MAN”
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Ah, BOLAS. I see you are a person of culture. 
♂
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I found a bug in the letters page (part of the stats page), when I click it and then click go back it says:
letters line 10: bad label choicescript_stats
Then the game crashes and I have to refresh it
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Omg! Lol! fancy seeing you here fellow Choices player 
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We are several, we just hide in the bunch. 
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Hello! Came by to include links to recent progress reports and to say that I fixed some bugs. Still no new content, unfortunately, but I’m making progress, don’t you worry!
I also added some extra info about the characters to the relationships page (you have to meet them before it appears), and a test page where you can change your stats.
Last update of the month, probably
Week 4
Week 2/3. I don’t know where the other one is either.
12 Likes
This seems interesting!
Errors and such
There’s a period missing after ‘say’ and another one after ‘stains’.
I’m not sure if I missed something (there was another character) or if there’s a change in pronouns (she/her to he/him) for the character here…
Typo here. ‘hers’ is written instead of ‘her’.
Another typo. The ‘s’ in ‘she’s’ should be capitalized.
I’m just not sure why the village would be illuminated during the day.
I simply wanted to point out how many commas there are in this sentence. I think this is a very ‘Spanish’ thing to do. In Spanish it’s fine to make really long sentences with a lot of commas but I don’t think it’s as common in English. There are some other sentences you may want to shorten or separate. It’s up to you though, it could be a stylistic choice.
Capitalization.
Another capitalization error. (I can only seem to catch these)
Capitalization again. These are all very small mistakes so I apologize if it gets annoying.
The y in you.
I really don’t know if this is an error but I think you don’t need to add a period after dialogue.
There’s a period missing.
I think there should be a period after ‘nice’. (Also, the MC is nice 
)
I don’t know if this is an error…
I literally found out today that you don’t capitalize things after a dialogue with exclamation/interrogation marks. I had to search it up lol.
I’m not sure which is supposed to be the male or female counterpart but there seem to be some pronoun errors.
Uhh, I think they may just be coding errors. Throughout the whole flashback/dream scene Klaus/Katja’s pronouns and name kept switching.
There’s a space missing.
Comments
I’m so sad I couldn’t pet the dog. It’s understandable though.
I mean, makes sense lmao.
I can’t wait for more! Thanks for writing it!
My favorite character so far is Miwa (probably because she’s the one I’ve seen the most lol).
1 Like
I cannot believe there are still pronoun errors in the game! Gods, pronoun coding is more difficult than I anticipated, and to think K doesn’t even have that many scenes.
I didn’t quite understand the illuminated part, but I rephrased it anyways, changed it to bright. Hopefully it makes sense now.
It is a stylistic choice, but I do tend to abuse commas very often, even in spanish. I’ll take this into consideration when I revise the game, but it’ll probably take a while before I get rid of this habit 
About the capitalization mistakes and why you keep finding them (I don’t find it annoying at all, by the way): the reason why you keep finding them is because I was still learning dialogue rules, so I made a lot of mistakes. I still do, but hopefully less often.
Oh, that one varies depending on your bitter/kind stat. I should probably revise stat balance…
There was an error, I missed a comma before says. Also I think ‘he continues’ is supposed to be lower case, and have a comma after Hattori.
Okay, I think I fixed all the errors. Thank you so much for reading, and for all the bug reports, they really helped 
I’m glad you’re enjoying Miwa, it took me a little while to get into her head, but she’s really fun to write.
3 Likes
I had no idea pronouns were also coded for the game but it makes sense. Good luck with any future coding! It looks more complex than I thought it was :')
I usually add a lot of commas a lot but I’ve heard that they’re not used as much in English as in Spanish.
Aah, I wasn’t checking the stats but I think I chose most of the kinder/friendly choices (with Miwa).
No problem! Thank you for fixing them so quickly!
Miwa is a very interesting character!! When I first read the summary I was leaning towards the childhood friend RO option (I love the friends to lovers trope) but when the MC met Miwa I forgot they even existed (sorry Klaus/Katja).
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It would seem the save slots have broken and are giving an error idk if anyone else has had this
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@Talwolf Thank you for telling me! I keep forgetting to remove the comment command after testing is done
@gomisegye I mean, you can still make another mc and romance them both 
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Hello there! Interesting concept (the fact that i’m a sucker for stories with magic as a theme doesn’t help either ) and a very promising story all in all! Love your writing style from head to toe 
! One of my favorite WIP’s along with “Revolution Diabolique” and “Bootlegger”.I like this project (and with all the stories that I like here) i’ve made it my personal mission to see it bloom to it’s full potential like a flower, so I will always try my best to offer constructive criticism and help you with anything you might need that’s within my reach! I’ve found a few grammar mistakes and taken screenshots but unfortunately since i’m a new member I can’t embed media and so can’t share them in a post like this one…I could send them to you via pm if I’m not mistaken but you will have to pm me first since Im not at level 2 of trust yet.Also maybe it’s just me but I found the story to have too many “,” (commas).It slightly ruined the immersion for me so I also took screenshots of commas I deemed as unnecessary throughout the story but again I can’t send them.Don’t feel pressured to remove any since as I said above “maybe it’s just me” but I felt like pointing that out since I’m a reader myself and it might help you improve the reader’s experience in the end.Best of progress with the story.I will be definitely keeping an eye out 
!
6 Likes
Hello! Thank you so much for reading, and taking the time to take screenshots too. I’m flattered my wip is among your favorites, thanks 
I’ll be sending you a message so you can send me the screenshots, then. I’ll try to tone down the commas, especially since I’ve been told this before, sorry about that
4 Likes
Happy Holidays everyone! I’ll be copying what I posted on tumblr for those of you that don’t follow me there or don’t have an account.
My first day of 2021 was… eventful, to say the least, which is why I didn’t post yesterday, and only answered the new year ask I got. I’ll spare you the details because that’s not what you’re all here for.
I’m hoping 2021 will be less stressful and more productive, so I came up with some goals for this year:
- Get to chapter 7 of the game. Which, considering how increasingly long they’ve been getting, might take a while.
- Write more, obviously!
- Release my Ko-Fi.
- Revise the first chapters and remove excessive commas and strange phrasing, along with balancing stats.
- Add a prologue?
- Start going down my “things to edit” list.
- Learn how to use twine.
- Start writing one of my traditional novels, if I find the time.
- Leave the country once and for all (hopefully!)
My main goal for this new month is getting chapter 3 finished. I don’t know how that will pair with me going back to college and adapting to online classes, but hopefully it won’t be too bad.
Next progress report will be next week, january 10. I’m going to be spending today finishing the alpha update and polishing the beta. I also want to take some time to plan ahead what I’ll do for the month and when.
Thank you for making my 2020 bearable, everyone! It’s been really nice to get comments and all your fun asks, all the likes too, they make everything worth it. It makes my day so much better to know there are people that like my characters enough to want to know more about them, that like my story enough to take the time to give me feedback, to tell me what they thought or just to like my posts. Also thanks to those of you that decided to join my patreon, because it felt like I was getting a Christmas present for working so hard, it was my first payment ever so I was extra happy and proud of myself
At first I was really nervous and struggling to be optimistic but sharing my work with others has proven to be a good decision. I feel really hopeful about the future, especially knowing there are others that enjoy reading my story as much as I love writing it. Maybe I can be a professional writer after all!
Anyways, that’s all for now. I hope you guys have a great day!
19 Likes
Overall I will count January as a success, even though I didn’t meet my word count goal. Segment T is finished (currently revising it for patreon) and Segment K is underway. Unfortunately classes have started again for me so it’ll be more difficult to find time for writing. I’m still committed to seeing this through but it may take longer than I wanted it to.
This month I’m definitely finishing chapter 3 and moving on to chapter 4. My plan is for chapter 3 to be fully released early March, depending on how soon I finish I may or may not decide to release it early for patrons, as in a second update to the alpha demo. I want to release publicly half of it this month (it would end right after the solo scenes), but I’m still debating whether I should or not, since I still have quite a few things I need to edit before updating the public demo.
I think that’s all for now. Have a nice February, everyone!
18 Likes
Hi there! The demo’s really good and well-written. Just thought I’d let you know, I set the stranger’s gender as female and the pronoun changes to he/him midway. Keep up the good work!
1 Like
Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad you liked the story. I fixed the errors you mentioned, should be good now.
I also want to let everyone know that Masaru is fully available in the public demo. Let me know if there are any other pronoun errors, there seems to be no shortage of those
6 Likes