thank you so much for all this feedback–very helpful and gives me a lot of ideas for things to revise/add in. I’ll likely be referencing your suggestions many times in the coming weeks!
I like what you’ve got so far.
As a note, Arabs are not the only Middle Easterners. There are many ethnicities in the Middle East, and some people would definitely bristle at being called Arabs. I’m speaking as an Arab myself. If the goal with including ethnicity/race in the character creator is inclusivity, changing “Arabic” to “Middle Eastern” is probably a better way to go about it.
Looking forward to where you’ll take this story!
That was different. In many ways. All of them good.
Looking forward to read more!
I wonder who this Cain is?
this story is a banger so far, loving it
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Update: I’m alive and have made a (hefty) update to the story!! Please let me know what you think!
Really enjoying this so far (especially Darwin ) the dialogue feels so natural and I love how you write the MC’s thoughts, the last scene with the flashback was so intense! Looking forward to learning more about the MC and this world (and Darwin )
I will be honest I don’t think I read the original demo, but this new one looks good, look forward to finding out what the MC is. Will keep an eye on this story.
I’ve begun work on chapter 1, so hopefully I will be able to update the demo in a couple months.
I finally get to be Jason Bourne!!!
Dumb question, is MC a robot/android or are we human and Tad and Maria just thought we were?
Not a dumb question!! That’s actually one of the themes I wanna touch on.
What you know as of NOW is that MC is organic. They have a heartbeat, pulse, blood, etc (that’s how Maria discovered they were alive). I haven’t explicitly stated it yet, but robotics of the era aren’t quite developed enough for robots to be undistinguishable from humans. They’re approaching it, but still need a few decades.
Whether MC is a cyborg or fully human (or both) hasn’t get been revealed and would probably be a matter of debate anyway
A robot? and here I thought mc was created in the lab as a human but better?
I have my own personal theory (true or not I can’t say). I’m thinking that the MC is human, but was either kidnapped or voluntarily was the subject of some tests by the tech company that’s mentioned. Many of the powers that are displayed can be explained away with manipulation of the genetic code and maybe even some nanotechnology (again, a tech company so it would make sense). Of course all of this is just a theory
My playthrough had me thinking something similar. The MC is obviously partially human at the very least. However, I can definitely picture the pods in which they were found being some sort of incubator, maybe accelerating the aging process. (Im not actually sure if this is too much of a spoiler, but I wanna make sure everything is alright) And regarding the company, or whoever is behind the it all, my money is on weaponising artificially developed humans.
I have a question. In the cooking scene we have the choice of either being a naturally good chef or a bad one. Does this choice make it so you can’t be naturally good at some other things, or does it affect the game at all?
Current plan is to make it just flavor text for increased variability/customization. I might also try to reference it in later scenes (say, if you try to make an RO dinner, for example), but I’m not planning on putting a hard cap on the number of “skills” the player can have or having it lock the player out of events, etc.
small progress update:
I’ve begun chapter 1, which will include additional customization options for MC, the beginnings of flirt options, and more dynamic story branching. Therefore I probably won’t be updating the demo until Chapter 1 is finished in its entirety, just to ensure each branch is equally built out. I will try to update with an estimated time frame once I have one!
I have also made the following changes to the prologue, per suggestions I’ve received and personal re-reads (not live atm):
-AMAB and any male-identifying MCs can now opt out of having facial hair entirely or opt in
-additional RO descriptions added to prologue scene text, not just housed in the stats section
-additional details to help with world building/scene setting
If there are any other suggestions people have for ways I can improve the prologue to help with readability, inclusivity, or just to make the game more enjoyable, please let me know