Ad Nauseam (WIP)

"In the last hours of the 20th century, after hundreds years of undivided domination, sometimes uncontrolled technological advances, the future was above all a frantic race towards destruction. The subtle profane alchemy, the essential basis of natural balances, was irreversibly disrupted. From then on, it was impossible to go back.

Some suppose that we have revived a telluric consciousness from the depths. An old and complex structure whose forgotten cogs have been set in motion, through our fault. Informaticians would talk about some kind of backup program. Physicians may choose the term vaccine.

We were the disease. The cause. The torment."

Hi everyone. This thread is for my new wip Ad Nauseam. In it you play as a survivor in a world destroyed by the apocalypse. The story is genderlocked to male for now but i might change that in the future if there’s enough feedbacks talking about that. I’m gonna let you discover the story by yourself cause i’m really bad at explaining Enjoy.

Also english isn’t my first language so point out typos and the likes (I’m sure you already know the song :joy:). And i’m waiting for your feedbacks and questions or whatever you want to say Have a good day. :slight_smile:

Demo

25 Likes

From what I’ve seen so far there is a lot of text and not that many impact choices and it’s quite short; however, I was able to understand what was going on for the most part. So I propose this.

How about you write a little more and add a few more choices that impact the plot, this way I and other people can give decent feedback.

It was well written so I’ll go back re-read and see if I can find any errors for you :grinning:

8 Likes

:joy: When i write, there’s lots and lots of words that come to mind that’s why the text are so long. But i really can’t change that. Sorry.

I will update again around 3 or 4 days if everything goes well. Thank you :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Even if it was short, it managed to capture my attention. I can’t wait for the next updates. Good luck☺

1 Like

Mabye you can spread the beginning info dump throughout the first few chapters

1 Like

Damn, the text got my attention too.

Also, good luck with the game seems like a good one :grinning:

1 Like

I will see what i can do about that.

Thanks :slight_smile:

1 Like

One thing I’ll say is that there’s a lot of narration here, and some of it gets pretty purple. Heavily introspective narration can work, but you want to keep it to limited doses lest you lose the reader’s attention. It might be worth seeing if you can introduce some of these opening concepts within the story itself, in a way that’s beenup so as not to overwhelm the first few pages.

2 Likes

Hey guys. The game is updated. I added the stats screen and continued the first chapter. Enjoy

1 Like

I want to clarify one thing. All these informations on the first pages was just the prologue. I wanted that the readers know what’s waiting for them before diving in the story. And explained how the world came to falling in the Apocalypse. Anyway, this story will be a short one problably around 50000 to 90000 words (I’m not sure yet.) cause i’m new to choicescript and COG so i wanted to start with something easy for me. So, you shouldn’t expect an overly elaborated story.

2 Likes

I would call this a game-breaking bug, since it causes that on next page you have no way to progress (no choices, no ”next” button and no ”play again”).

See here

1 Like

It’s fixed. Thank you :slight_smile:

lol what if we just wanna dive into the world blind?

I love your story! It’s very well written, but I did find a few grammatical errors and the like–all very minor things. I’ve listed some of them here.

Right at the beginning, you have a quote from Charles Darwin. The word “is’nt” is spelled isn’t.
Prologue: The harder the fall will be… At the end, you have “now it was impossible to come back”. This changes from present tense with ‘now’ to present tense with ‘was’; you can change ‘was’ to ‘is’.
Blind, I tell you! Right after these words, the story starts talking about a ‘he’, and since mankind hasn’t been directly named for a while, it’s a little confusing. If you are still talking about mankind, you may want to name it again.
In the section Those who survived… “A new era is dawning. Full of uncertainty and danger.” These sentences aren’t really incorrect, but you can join them together to make the story flow a bit better just by adding a comma between them.
In the same section: “The survivors are organizing themselves into this slump.” The use of the word slump is a little confusing; it’s usually an action instead of a physical thing. Did you mean ‘slum’?
"Player name! It was your family’s last word… This sentence is kind of hard to understand. You don’t need to, but maybe you could list the people who were calling out (e.g. Those was your father’s last words… Those were your parent’s last words…) Family can also be used, though. I did change ‘word’ to ‘words’ in those examples, in which case the name could be repeated twice or something.

Again, these are all very small things. Your story is amazing, and I like the tone you use throughout the introduction. The imagery you use is great, too! Good luck writing!

No, it is not, you heretic! :face_with_monocle: That’s perfectly fine British English. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

2 Likes

Oh! My apologies!

1 Like

Nice job on the demo, it’s a very interesting concept. Unfortunately, the gender-lock discourages me from reading further. Still, I wish you good luck, even if I won’t read the whole story.

1 Like

Thanks