I feel like I could have totally saved that dude from getting eaten. Hold him underwater so he can’t scream. Bring him up for air only long enough for him to take a breath.
Played as Wraith, a naive pacifist with a skill in singing.
Typos and other stuff I noticed, probably featuring multiple spoilers
Deceit, not deciet.
Also, frequently I see characters talk in one paragraph and then resume talking in a paragraph break. It’s best to avoid it as we generally associate a paragraph break with a new speaker, so it can get really confusing, especially considering how many characters there are.
If you have to do it, the convention is not to use closing quotation marks in the preceding paragraph, like this:
"I like vanilla ice cream.
“Anyway,” he says, changing the subject. “Back to torturing this dolphin!”
Ivy’s introduction is a bit rocky. She says A LOT before the narration indicates you’re startled by her. It would probably sell the effect better to have a few words that startle the MC, then a quick description of Ivy, then go into the longer bit of exposition about whales.
You did almost die, not died.
Should say: "I don’t see the issue. Can’t we just use our song to disorientate them ? "
Using a colon to signify spoken dialogue :like this: is pretty unusual. I know it was to indicate that it was illusory and not real, but it threw me for a loop at first. Personally I prefer the Animorphs style of using sharp brackets . Some people italicise it “like this”. Others don’t bother to use different notation or formatting and just rely on context for the reader to figure it out. It’s not too big of a deal, just an unusual choice.
Oh, and I almost forgot! Sometimes the captain’s name is Read and sometimes it’s Reid.
Oh and most important thing: I love all the dazzling descriptions. The way that both the danger and appeal of the water and the freakish beauty of the
sirens mermaids kelpies sea vampires rusalki is described to the reader is really evocative.