Abysm's Veil- Continuing the story. (WIP) Last update 11th December

adult-fiction
gender-choice
modern-fantasy

#22

I also want to say that I really enjoy this WIP so far. It’s a unique concept and I’m curious to see more of what the plot will end up being (however, even if the plot is just, ‘Hanging out with/dealing with your fellows’, I’d be perfectly fine with that, its a really good cast!).


#23

I am really liking were this is going I cant wait to see were this goes.


#24

Yes, yeeeessss! I was really hoping this story would continue! It’s one of only a couple I’ve read -so far-, but I really do like it!!

I’ve tried a humanity route and a cooperative anger route, so far. I actually kinda wish there was a way to make an abyssal during the creation process of a character- I tried. XD


#25

Thank you everyone for the encouragement! When I originally wrote it I wasn’t sure how it would be received. I’m glad to see there’s an interest in this being continued as I’d like to write more on it :smile:
@Viorne Good question :slight_smile:
Thanks @djisma69. I’ve been trying to improve since my first one. (The community here has been really helpful with suggestions on what could be improved :slight_smile: )
@matt_smith I haven’t been commenting too much on the other RO’s at the moment as it kind of depends on what I decide to do with the story closer to the end as to who will be available. Don’t want to disappoint anyone by saying someone will if it turns out they won’t :slight_smile:
@daydreamsincolor Thank you for all the typo’s! I’ll get them corrected.
@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Thank you! I’m looking forward to getting to read yours, I really liked Monsters. Yeah you’re right, no way to make an abyssal character at the moment. Maybe later? (maybe XD)


#26

I was so excited for when I beta tested! Even more excited when you won! Is it weird that I feel proud? It just feels so clean to read. There’s not jutting in the story, all the events play out like they’re supposed to. I’m ready ready for that forbidden romance if you know what I mean. :smirk:


#27

Thanks @Phoenix_Wolf :smiley: You guys get to be proud, you helped me get it ready for the comp!


#28

When first introduced to the Rusalki, I chose to have my MC give an alias. Later, my MC was asked her name while attending a masquerade ball. I chose to give her real name “because she wants someone to know.” I think the #option in question reads “Give him my real name. I want him to know,” which I’m interpreting as less as “I like this guy and want him to know me,” and more as “I want someone—anyone—to know I’m not quite as dead as they’ve likely been told.” I may be misinterpreting the intention of that option; it’s a little unclear.

My MC then gave the guy her Rusalka alias.

Was that intended?

I’m not sure if I should take it as a bug, or as a sign my MC’s mind is degrading without her notice.


#29

Hmm yes, it’s meant to be that you want him to know who you are, not lie to him, but if you’ve picked a new name/alias, that’s what you will tell him due to the way the naming variable is set up rather than giving you other options. I can see why it’s problematic from that standpoint. I might need to do some rewording. (It’s a little tricky as there’s a few reasons why you might have chosen a new name including not remembering your old one which goes down the mind/memories degrading type path).Thanks @Minnow :slight_smile:


#30

I think I’d personally create a true_name variable, then use a *temp variable (alias, perhaps?) to track whether the game will automatically *set true_name = name, or let the player view a *choice to set true_name manually. Assuming the current name/alias variable is actually name.

I bashed together an example that would differentiate between a forgotten name, a secret name, and a public name... but there's probably two dozen different ways to handle it, and I can't imagine you'll have any trouble coming up with a method more appropriate for your own game and coding style.
*goto name_alias

*label true_name
*comment Dialog and/or narration about not trusting people with the player character's real name goes here.
*choice
  *selectable_if (name != "Amelia") #Amelia
    *set true_name "Amelia"
    *return
  *selectable_if (name != "Chloe") #Chloe
    *set true_name "Chloe"
    *return
  #My name isn't on this list. Let me write it for you...
    *input_text true_name
    *if true_name = name
      You've written that your true name and your alias should be identical. Was that intentional?
      *choice
        #Yes, I meant it.
          *return
        #No, that was a mistake. Let me try again.
          *goto true_name
    *return

*label name_alias
*temp alias "unwanted"
*choice
  #"My name is..." Tell them the truth.
    *goto name
  #"My name is..." Lie to them.
    *set alias "wanted"
    *goto name
  #"I... I can't remember." Tell them the truth.
    *set alias "needed"
    *goto forgotten
  #"I... I can't remember." Lie to them.
    *set alias "wanted"
    *goto forgotten

*label name
*choice
  #Amelia
    *set name "Amelia"
    *if(alias = "wanted")
      *gosub true_name
      *goto next
    *if (alias = "needed")
      *set true_name "forgotten"
      *goto next
    *set true_name "Amelia"
    *goto next
  #Chloe
    *set name "Chloe"
    *if (alias = "wanted")
      *gosub true_name
      *goto next
    *if (alias = "needed")
      *set true_name "forgotten"
      *goto next
    *set true_name "Chloe"
    *goto next
  #My name isn't on this list. I'll write it in for you...
    *input_text name
    *if (alias = "wanted")
      *gosub true_name
      *goto next
    *if (alias = "needed")
      *set true_name "forgotten"
      *goto next
    *set true_name name
    *goto next

*label forgotten
*comment Dialog and/or narration about not remembering, then prompting to choose an alias, goes here.
*goto name

*label next

Posted the example even though I’m certain you don’t need it. Because I’m proud of it. Who knows, maybe someone else could use it?


#31

Thanks @Minnow! Nice ideas in there :slight_smile:


#32

@Jacic :clap::clap::clap: This is great! I love how unique everyone’s personalities are. I hope you’ll continue this story.
If you inputted that you couldn’t remember your death. Will the MC have eventually remember as time progress? And we learn more of how they were before their death? As well as run-ins from their past?


#33

I love this! The rusalki are such interesting creatures, it’s so refreshing to see a choicescript game about them! They’re so underrated and I need my rusalki representation!

I love how there are so many choices, too, and how we get to engage directly in tribal politics and moral ambiuguity (gray-gray morality is such an underrated theme–I’m tired of the same old Light Side vs. Dark Side :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:). In the future, will we be able to explore our MC’s past (relationships, a closer look at the MC’s death, etc.)? On a side note, I hope Sysha is the second RO–she’s so intriguing! I can’t help but picture Sysha as Sibel Kekilli (Shae from Game of Thrones) and read her lines with Sibel’s accent. Definitely my favorite character.

My only complaint is that there aren’t enough commas. Sometimes the sentences seem long-winded and can take on a completely different context without them (especially Oxford commas, but their use is widely disputed)!

Also, I’m getting the drift that Leiko is Japanese? If that’s so, and if I’m correct since I don’t know too much about Japanese linguistically, Leiko isn’t actually a Japanese name (or the phonetics are inaccurate). Most (all?) Japanese phonetic systems don’t have an ‘L’ in them. It’s a complex issue since the ‘R’ sound in Japanese is different and sometimes sounds like an ‘L’. I think the ‘L’ and ‘R’ are even interchangeable and the meaning of a word won’t change if an ‘L’ is used in place of an ‘R’. This website (scroll to the bottom to find ‘Leiko’) claims that there is no such name in the Japanese language, and given my reasons above I agree. However, a user on Behind the Name claims that the name Leiko was created by Hawaiians of Japanese and Hawaiian descent (but the name itself isn’t used in Japan). Sorry if this seems like an info dump, and if anyone knows more about this than I do, please correct me if I’m wrong!

I absolutely adore this game and can’t wait to see more! :grin:


#34

I’ve never read it is its any good


#35

@tooweiss Thank you! I’m still working out how to handle the aspects of your prior life in the later part of the book :slight_smile:

@TruMaknae Thanks! I find many of the more unusual mythological creatures interesting as well :slight_smile: . I’m going to do some more editing run throughs for grammar and punctuation. I know I do need to be careful with run-on sentences.

I really liked the name and so used it, but although it does come up as a Japanese name when I search, you might be correct in it being developed in Hawaii or perhaps it is a derivative. I’m not really quite sure, but did a quick search and as you said it seems that the L might be substituted with an R when writing it in Japanese such as here ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leiko_Ikemura ).

I guess the short version is that you can’t be sure if any of the rusalki are definitely using their birth names and you can’t really be certain about Leiko’s origins given she’s not very talkative about it, so perhaps it’s still ok I hope? (If it’s a real problem it could potentially be changed though.)

@Harley_Robin_Evans It depends on what you like to read. If you want to have a look, the contest entry is free to read. (The link is in the first post :slight_smile: )


#36

I have had a Japanese-American friend with that name; perhaps a retcon of the character’s background can fix this continuity hiccup.


#37

I really like this title it is writen well and has a good plot I hope you stick with it and see it through to the end


#38

I like it can’t wait for more and what are we


#39

It’s no wonder this game won first place, incredible job. A few spelling errors and one character’s relationship stats showing up twice was all I found.


#40

Thank you everyone :blue_heart:
Small update on what’s going on: When I last checked it was at over 60,000 words, so I’ve written quite a bit on it since the comp finished. Downside is the new sections need significant editing and bugfixing to get them up to speed + the current scene I’m writing is being a bit of a pain to finish, (it’s fairly long and complicated) so I haven’t got an update quite yet.


#41

I am really loving the RAGE stat