A Thousand Miles of Sky (WIP)(demo updated June 4th, 2018)

nonbinary-inclusive
science-fiction
gender-choice

#142

Hey there! Thank you so much for taking time to try out my dumb space game.

Hey there, too, @SirEdmund! Speaking as a copywriter (or those people who write ads and try to get your attention to buy their stuff), maaybe you shouldn’t start a game with a statement like “my dumb space game.” :grin:

Maybe you were going for a humorous voice, but some people won’t get that. They might actually think your space game is… dumb, and therefore not read it. I suggest giving reasons as to why people should read your story instead. That way, you’ll get feedback from the people who have similar interests as you.


#143

That’s sound advice and thank you for that, I do think that most people get that I’m joking. I won’t try to publish the game with that bit, but while we’re entrenched here in the development phase it’s hard to resist a bit of irreverence. Mostly I’m just thankful for the people who are taking the time to playtest what I have up and in my experience, most folks appreciate when people don’t take themselves too seriously. I do appreciate that you took the time to play and comment, player feedback helps me make a better game :slightly_smiling_face:


#144

Wow last month kind of kicked my ass. I didn’t get as much writing done as I wanted to, but I did make some good headway. The winter holidays are always a crapshoot, but hopefully December will be productive.

Current word count: 80,500

Snippet:

“I did alright,” you say defensively.

“Well, when I’m done with this, it will be better than ‘alright’. You might even be able to get the Galactic Geographic Traveler station with it.”

You’re impressed despite your best efforts. “You can do that?”

“If given another hour or so.” She sets down the comm node. “I wasn’t serious about the GGT channel, you’ll have to pay for your subscription like everyone else.”


#145
So after several conversations about the future of their relationship, I found myself with too many Feelings about my MC and Alice not to draw them. (Watch out for a swear word, if you're averse)




#146

This is wonderful, I love it so much! :heart_eyes: Thank you for sharing!!


#147

To me I read A thousand miles of sky it great story hope see more


#148

Thank you so much! I’m still plugging away :sweat_smile:


#149

@SirEdmund I know we should avoid harsh criticism, but this story railroads HARD from the very beginning, and makes me feel like my choices mean absolutely nothing before the “story” even gets going (I chose to trip him, still got treated like an accomplice. That’s painfully unbelievable). That’s kind of a deal-breaker for me, which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to managing my little freight business in space. I would have been happy with that even without a story.

If you are set on following a certain path, don’t give me a choice that would appear to affect it. It just feels like a betrayal.


#150

Just keep in mind that not every choice needs to or should impact the story direction.


#151

Fully agree, in general. But the specific choice I was upset about is one that WOULD affect the story. It’s a choice between letting a criminal go and helping authorities catch him. That makes a significant difference, or should.


#152

Maybe, but you’re not considering the personality of the pursuing law enforcement agents that you’ve only just met. Maybe they are the “jump the gun, guilty until proven innocent” types?


#153

Its the plot
Ever tried to write a game
One with multiple branches?
Its a pain
and cant be certain but according to my knowledge most of them either die or go single path
See " from ashes we rise" and “demon recollect”

They never said acomplice.
More like a suspect.
Game police is stupid.

Might be wrong
But think this not supposed to be a management game.
Anyone
Comfirmation

Again need confimation
But think it affects relationship.
And mc trips the guy, :confused: the choice didnt promise anything else

Read first post before bitching around :blush:

:fox_face:

Besides you are indeed supposed to make constructive criticism.
This free entertainment afterall.

If you like it or notatall you can always help making it better by making suggestions to the author and giving feedback.
If you dont no one is forcing you to play.
.


#154

I understand the plot “needing” to go that way, and acknowledged as much in my original critique. I would have been more okay with it had I not had a choice in what to do. Had the criminal run into me and got away while I was thrown on my ass, I would have been content.

Similarly, had I not just had the chance to choose a new cargo route and been looking forward to that, I wouldn’t have felt robbed of something I was really looking forward to.

It’s not BAD that this isn’t a management game, but it IS bad to get hopes up for one type of game then throw them in another.

@SirEdmund I would recommend getting rid of the choice in how to deal with the guy who runs into you. Just say “you are knocked on your ass and he runs off before you can get up, sparing you a regretful glance as he runs away” (More detail of course, just a gist). This way, it’s just bad luck.

Separately, maybe say that this happened while on the way to negotiate a new cargo deal so I don’t get my hopes up too much, but that’s not as big a deal.


#155

@SirEdmund
In chapter 2, when being interviewed by Reid, I think she should have a reaction if the MC tripped Isaac.

“I am required,” she says, her tone flat as though reading from a textbook, "by law, to detain anyone that has come in contact with suspects in an active investigation of terrorist activities

There needs to be a double quote and full stop after the bolded word.


#156

Or an option for mc to snap/tell reid calmly that they tripped the guy or tried to help or something like that?

:fox_face:


#157

@kckolbe: that’s valid criticism, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call it harsh. You’re right that that choice hasn’t had an affect on the plot yet, but what it does affect is your relationships with both Reid and Isaac. That choice sets the tone for both of those relationships, but it’s also indicative of the tension between the public and the authorities. As @LordOfLA says, there is a certain amount of that “guilty until proven innocent” attitude going on here that will be expanded upon later.

The threads diverge at the end of chapter 2, but up until that point we’re still in the introduction part. But you’re right, to a certain extent there is some railroading. I want to leave room for a reluctant protagonist, but at the end of the day, the plot’s gotta get told. @Hearts is also right though, while you do get the opportunity to choose which jobs you want to run and they’re all different and will have different paths, this isn’t really a management game. It’s ok if that style of storytelling isn’t for everyone.

@Bugreporter and @Hearts: Those are good suggestions, I’m working on a better options for folks who did cooperate with the authorities. I thought I had already put some kind of option in, but I think it’s still just in the draft still sitting on my hard drive. :sweat_smile: I will get them into the next update.


#158

If it factors in down the road, then it makes a bit more sense, maybe just a slight tweak in the dialogue to distinguish it a bit. I think you could tone down the cops considerably and still convey what kind of people they are. At the moment, they come off more incompetent than harsh and uncaring. I didn’t feel anger at the unfair treatment I underwent, more of an incredulous “really?” that they seemed so intent on perceiving me as guilty.


#159

That’s a fair reaction, I certainly wouldn’t want to tell you how to feel about them or their actions. They have their reasons for their imperious behavior, some more valid than others.


#160

As I expected, December was kind of a bust for writing. I managed to produce a few words here and there, but the process was like squeezing blood from a stone. Back to work this month! As I barricade the doors and windows against the storm and burrow deep into a nest made of every blanket I own. Does Starbucks deliver?

Current word count: 81,500

I chose today's snippet entirely because I thought the Serendipity choice was funny and 100% indicative of all Serendipity choices.

You drop back into your chair and take a long pull from your mug, examining the map of the local planetary bodies. Your destination is the third moon of the first gas giant, Lila and GT2009 respectively. Between here and there lies a thin asteroid belt, but that should be no problem for one of your skills.

How do you get through the field?

  • Piloting: I map a route and fly through it .
  • Tinker: I boost $!{starship}'s engines for more maneuverability.
  • Scuttlebutt: A contact told me about a safe route through the field.
  • Serendipity: I just wing it.

#161

I’m so excited about this! Your narrative voice and banter (especially the “so, you and Alice…” “No.” conversation) are both great so far.

Also really appreciate the option for clearly signposted stat boosts/checks! Idk how stats-based the game will end up being, but the limited stats page and clear checks make me very happy.