A Thousand Miles of Sky (WIP)(demo updated June 4th, 2018)

science-fiction
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#42

That’s what I keep telling myself! :grin::sweat_smile::joy::sob:


#43

Even quicker update:

Things are progressing slowly and maybe surely? I don’t know, that might be an exaggeration. Just gotta keep putting words down one in front of another until I have a story. Or sheer gibberish. Or a story that’s sheer gibberish!

Current word count: 36,500

Snippet:

“Gotta say, Boss, I love what you’ve done with the place.” Rami finishes transferring the storage crates from the disused bunk to the pile in the corner and flops down on the recently liberated bed. A cloud of dust kicks up from the musty linens and he coughs. “Classic ‘Grandmother’s Attic’ chic. Or maybe more of a ‘Disused Storm Cellar’ feel.”


#44

I just started reading this and something that struck me really hard right away is that the main character seems annoyingly determined to be dramatic while talking to the cops. Like, why can’t I just explain what happened? I mean, even if they don’t believe me, that seems like the most reasonable thing to do in the situation instead of just snarking or sulking right? I mean, some random person randomly bumps into you while being chased, and then you help apprehend them, only for the people chasing him to immediately violently arrest you and then demand that you must know him… and then start explaining a bunch of stuff about him for no apparent reason… Like, I’m sitting here reading the cops telling me about all the stuff this guy is wanted for and I’m thinking, “Oh, ok. Well I guess it’s a good thing that I helped you catch him after he ran into me while fleeing from you then isn’t it.” Actually, I wasn’t thinking it. I said it out loud because it was that exasperating. Otherwise the game seems pretty good so far.


#45

@SirEdmund
At the beginning of chapter 2, there is just one choice to click on. Wouldn’t it be better to put a page break in instead?


#46

@Shoelip: That’s fair, I’m working on including some more cooperative options. Though I would say that the authorities started it when they decided to render the MC unconscious instead of just walking them to the security office like you would expect reasonable people to do. They are being deliberately antagonistic, but my goal is a frustrated MC, not a frustrated reader.

I suppose it’s a little early in the game to be able to tell, but this isn’t a setting where the police and corporate security are known for being even-handed and fair. The relationship the average citizen has with the law is not a positive one, I could probably illustrate that better in the beginning of chapter two, I’ll work on that.

This is why feedback is good, folks wanting to cooperate with the authorities is clearly a blind spot for me, not sure what that says about me personally

@Bugreporter: I was going for the idea that “Shit” is all the MC can think of. Obviously if that didn’t come across, then it needs some work. (Now all I can think of is Clay Davis from the Wire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1dnqKGuezo)


#47

I’ve seen a couple games that carried the idea of ‘all you can think of’ with a couple variations of the same option (I think this was in Keeper of the Sun and Moon?)

  • Shit.

  • Shit

  • SHIT

They do actually seem to have slightly different connotations, from ‘well this is frustrating’ to ‘WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?’


#48

You can also change the text of the page break button itself, where it would usually say “next”


#49
  • Sheeeeeeeeeeiiiiiit…
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr0A7TofowE)

It’s fascinating how many different connotations you can give the same word. Something like your suggestion would probably work best for what I had in mind.

@HomingPidgeon: also a good idea, that’s how I had originally written it


#50

Tiny update:

October didn’t turn out to be a very productive month for me, and unfortunately November probably won’t be any better. I’m NaNoWriMo-ing a different project that’s been languishing in neglect since before I started this one, but I’m still going to try to do a bit of work on ATMoS. I have too many projects.

Current word count: 38,500

Snippet:

For a supposedly high-tech research facility, the building isn’t much to look at from the outside. Corrugated metal lines three of the four walls, rusted away to nothing in large swaths and patched with chunks of a material that no doubt spent happier times as a shipping container. The last wall consists of one unbroken slab of plastiform, broken up by two small windows and a metal door that hangs drunkenly on its hinges. The whole thing can’t be more than two hundred meters to a side and has “deathtrap” written all over it in neon letters.

“Kind of a shithole, isn’t it,” you say.

“The only thing we’re going to find there is tentus,” your companion agrees.


#51

I love this little turn of phrase. It’s so evocative, and just beautiful.

You have a typo on “tetanus,” unless the MC’s companion is referring to a disease you’re creating for the game’s setting.


#52

Aw, thank you so much! I’m glad you liked that part, it was fun to write and then fun to make the everyone go inside, haha.

And no, “tentus” is not a new space disease, just spell check failing me in my hour of need. :sob:


#53

Well, as predicted I got like nothing done last month. a-million-chromatic-dreams put it best:


(http://a-million-chromatic-dreams.tumblr.com/post/163704617659/me-when-artistic-inspiration-strikes-me-a-week)

I wrote this snippet this morning as an apology:


If Penrose had been emblematic of a frontier outpost on the rise, Okanogan is the polar opposite. A remote fueling station orbiting a small moon of a gas giant, Okanogan, also known as “Rendezvous”, had little to recommend itself these days. The expansion of the neighboring Penrose had forced the common trade routes to bypass Rendezvous entirely, and the smaller station was now well into its spiral of decline.

On an ordinary day, it’s little more than a watering hole for the locals and the occasional long haul freighters passing through this edge of space. But, as evidenced by the frigates, shuttles, cruisers, and escape craft crammed into end over end and spilling out beyond the meager mooring station, today is clearly no ordinary day.


#54

It’s good to hear from this WIP! Even if there’s not much to report, I’m still looking forward to it.


#55

Well thank you! I will say, spending November working on a different project left me eager to return to this one.


#56

Fascinating game so far!


#57

Minor update to the first chapter, a lot of little changes. Most notably, I added a part to let folks input their own prouns if they so desire, trying to keep it as concise and unobnoxious as possible. I also spent several hours and 100+ lines of code writing a (bad) joke that most people probably won’t see :joy: #writerproblems

Current word count: 40,000


#58

You too? :grin::smirk:


#59

Oooh, space!
Really love the game so far, it has intriguing characters and the way you write actions is really cool! (it’s 7 am, my brain isn’t nearly as awake as it ought to, sorry if that sentence didn’t make sense!)
Anyway, great writing, great pacing, great premises! I’m hooked!


#60

Thank you so much, I’m glad you like it so far! Characters are always my favorite part of a story, so I’m really glad you like these ones. (7am? It’s only 10pm where I live in Alaska, what’s the future like???)


#61

@SirEdmund
Very Well written and it really gives a feeling of “Space Opera” in the story-telling, i read that some

had compared it to “Firefly”… but is it possible that we are acting as someone like Han Solo ? and there is a Galactic Empire within it ? Could it be something like Star Wars instead ? although i hope the Empire is not going to be as dominant as the Sith Empire, else it would takes the fun out of it…Lol

But thus far, the character interaction seem fun… i actually laugh when Agent Reid Shot me in close range, and then i was kind of amuse when i asked her "You shot me "… :smile:

Will my “ex-Partner” Alice be featured regularly in future ? Is it a possibility that we can be together again ? I kind of like that scene when i was just about to remove her wallpaper on the homescreen , then i reconsider and decided to keep it instead … sentimental scene is always touching :slight_smile: