A Supernatural Story WIP (Next Update: Late January/Early Febuary)

low-fantasy
adult-fiction
gender-choice

#21

Maybe it’s the “tall female” choice that has the glitch? I chose the “short female” and it gave me no issues. Though, I am very curious as to what my MCs power is, and I’m surprised no one has made a comment about it yet… :confused:. Either way, I like this WiP so far, and look forward to it’s next update. My only issue is that the MC is a smoker…


#22

I would suggest putting a description of what the game is aboout, plot, characters, etc in the top so people can easily know if it is their thing.


#23

I don’t know if anyone has pointed this out yet, but you switch between tenses a lot. Like here, “You shoot upright from a hard surface, right as the bright light of day assaulted your eyes. You blink rapidly and become aware of the loud giggles rippling across the room that you were in.” I shoot upright, as though it is happening right now, but the light assaulted my eyes in the past tense. Same with the second sentence, I become aware of the noises in the room I was in.

I think that the story itself is fun and I can’t wait for another update, but the constant switching of tenses is distracting for me. You should choose one, past or present, and really pay attention to make sure you’re sticking to it.


#24

@Red_Eyes

Here are what I found (sorry if this already reported)

His


Should be “. Lifting”, the space and capitalization.


minute


I think it’s better if this “since he has”.


tongue?


Sergeant


Also, for the save plugin to work, you have to add *sm_init A_Supernatural_Story | 3 in your startup.txt

I have suggestions

If it not too much, can there options to have average height?


I think it’s going to be nice if there option to stay silent.


#25

I believe every choice beside the “short female” seem to have the glitch.

Summary

image
I am the short female, this time.


#26


Well the MC isn’t entirely normal, but more normal in comparison to your whole family.

Yeah, the younger sibling is gender locked, she will be female. Essentially she stole your right as the heir to your families fortune on the basis that her powers are far beyond the your capabilities.

I definitely have plans for Clay :smiling_imp:. As for Sarah, you might be onto something…

As for the error you’ve been having, it should be fixed by now! :grinning:


#27

Yeah :sweat_smile: I’m kinda known for switching between past and present tense in writing. But this is just me free writing on my own time, I’m not inherently focusing all of my time and effort onto this game. Basically it’s a side thing to put my mind on.

But make no mistake, I will correct the grammar mistakes. Many of the fixes will be implemented once Christmas break happens. I’ll have more time then to do most of my work.

But as of now, I’m already five pages in on the first chapter!


#28

Yes, yes you do my friend


#29

You are going to do something horrible to Sarah, aren’t you?


#30

@Red_Eyes Please tell me what our power is?!


#31

Can we do become a creature I would love that


#32

I’m still deciding on what type of power to give the MC. Obviously it’s going to fall into the psychic/esper category.

Telekinesis is simple enough, but it’s a power that’s been done to death. Over the weekend I’m gonna do some research to find more options.

I might post about some possibilities later. :grinning:


#33

How about the MC being able to possess others (kind of like a ghost, I mean). Or have them be able to control them their bodies (like a puppeteer with it’s puppets). Ok, I know those first two ones can be a bit… dark, in the wrong hands… we can always go with the classics like telekinesis. But, you already said no to that one… how about pyrokinesis? Or you could make the MC an empath, or someone who can control the emotions of others. Or you could give the MC the same power as the bully (I forgot his name) and just make them be able to read minds. These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head… in the end it’s up to you which power to give the MC :grin:


#34

It’s less overused then the “copy powers” power. Plus if it is like chronicle and you explore all the applications of it that would be awsome


#35

What are “copy powers”? Are they like what Rouge (from X-Men) have? If so, Rouge is the only character I have ever heard of who has it… but then again, I’m not familiar with every super powered character in existence :sweat_smile:


#36

It’s a lot like that but the main thing is every time someone is op it’s because they have that power, peter petrellie from heros, rouge, and a crap load of marvel charecters are examples


#37

Don’t said ‘bad title’. Act with more professionalism.


#38

Well, I’ve never seen the show, so I don’t know much about the character…

That I can understand thanks to Rouge.


#39

That does change the dynamic, most of my male mc’s and they are almost always male, would be more inclined to be jealous of a brother rather than a sister.

At least we’re a rich good-looking one, right? That might help at least somewhat.

Well that does suck, still easier to stomach then a brother doing it, but this does mean my mc would need to find a way, any way to make his own fortune, cause he definitely isn’t going to be an adult man living on the “charity” of either his sister or his spouse and he obviously doesn’t want to be a pauper either (though if he really had to choose rather poverty than charity, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that).

At the mc’s low power levels all that would help with is smoking as he’d be his own lighter, but scarcely more then that.

Again at low levels, you’d just be counselor Troi from Star Trek, which isn’t actually that great since she’s more affected by the emotions of everybody around her than she is able to control them through those powers.
Badass normal like Batman would be better, but without access to a fortune in money it would be rather hard to pull off.

Still I guess low level/weak empath/telepath/pschokinesis would be the least bad, provided this world has access to power suppression collars or their equivalent as the mc could just wear one of those disguised as jewelry in daily their daily lives and not have to deal with their “powers”.


#40

@idonotlikeusernames Yes, I know about the MCs low power level, which is why I suggested those powers. Those powers basically have potential to be powerful, if properly used and trained, but just aren’t for the MC, which if anything would emphasize how “weak” the MC is, especially compared to their sister.